NFL Power Rankings ~ Week 8

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Previous Rankings

Preseason

Week 3

Week 8 Powah Rankin's

The Juggernaut

1. Green Bay Packers - Hard to argue right now. Still waiting to see that adversity though. I'll be impressed if and when it comes and goes.

The Buffalo Bills 4-peaters

2. Pittsburgh Steelers - That's what happens when you give a good team playing at home no chance all week long.

3. Buffalo Bills - Extremely impressed by their resume. Even their loss to the Bengals doesn't seem so bad now.

4. New Orleans Saints - I kneaux, I kneaux. It doesn't make sense, but I refuse to believe this team is as bad as they sheauxed.

5. New York Giants - Can't believe nobody's talking about the team playing in the nation's biggest city in the NFL's premier division.

6. Baltimore Ravens - They're gonna be 'that' team. Could see them stomping Pittsburgh for a second time, and then losing to Cleveland to miss the playoffs.

The Hova - Rateds

7. New England Patriots - Can you imagine the number of Super Bowls they'd have if Bill Belichick still believed in defense?

8. San Francisco 49ers - Seven games doesn't erase seven years of memories of Alex Smith.

9. Detroit Lions - Annoying frontrunners. So full of themselves that they'll fold if they're not clicking on all cylinders. I see a lack of grit. Want things handed to them.

My Sleeper

10. Houston Texans - Have a chance to rack up wins in a cake division in a conference without an elite team. Sounds dangerous to me. Stayed afloat with Andre Johnson out.

The Derek Fucking Foreals?

11. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Haven't played up to par but there's something about this team. I think Josh Freeman wins a Super Bowl in his career.

12. Kansas City Chiefs - Actually have a worse point differential (-42) on the season than the 1-6 Arizona Cardinals (-40).

13. Cincinnati Bengals - Placed a $12.50 bet on them to win the AFC North. Pays out $1,000 for the win. No, I'm not shitting you. You can literally go on BetUS.com and make the same bet right now (this is legal right?).

The Old n' Borings

14. New York Jets - CAN'T WAIT till somebody shuts Rex Ryan up for good.

15. Atlanta Falcons - There's nobody I root harder against for no apparent reason than Matt Ryan.

16. San Diego Chargers - No team receives more unjust due than the Chargers. Everybody just face it - they aren't good.

The NFC Queefs

17. Dallas Cowboys - Can't figure out how they're not good. They should be good right? Yea, they will be good. Lets go ahead and put them in the playoffs.

18. Philadelphia Eagles - Remind me of the 2004 Kansas City Chiefs. Horrible start, capable of blowing teams out, but never really had "it."

19. Washington Redskins - Won't forgive them for benching my boy, G-Rex.

The Please Don't Make Me Watch Em's

20. Chicago Bears - They're doing the smart thing by not paying Matt Forte. Because...

21. Tennessee Titans - You might never see an NFL team pay a running back again after this Chris Johnson (CJ2.8) display.

The Must See TV Team of Whom I Haven't Even Seen Yet

22. Carolina Panthers - CAAAAMMMMMM!!! Still hasn't received the necessary credit for single-handedly dominating College Football last year. Thank you pointless NCAA allegations!

Good and Evil

23. Oakland Raiders - Carson Palmer is going to flop HARD. Remember when he sucked for the last five years? Yea, me too.

24. Denver Broncos - Who'll be the first person to personalize a Tebow '666' jersey? Hey now. You stay classy, Dirkness.

The Mighty Fiesties

25. Jacksonville Jaguars - Good defense. How bout that?

26. Minnesota Vikings - Christian Ponder eh? Whatever...

27. Miami Dolphins - I literally believe there are five worse teams than the 0-7 Dolphins.

Six to Threes

28. Cleveland Browns - No team's record will be more inflated with unimpressive wins than Nick Wright's Cleveland Browns.

49er Fodder

29. Seattle Seahawks - Where 67,000 > 53.

30. St. Louis Rams - What would you give up for Sam Bradford? A first rounder? Could be the funnest NFL discussion of the offseason.

31. Arizona Cardinals - Hey Larry Fitz, are you enjoy the Kevin Kolb era?

The Cheaters

32. Indianapolis Colts - I'll hate them as much as I can hate a team if they get Andrew Luck. I wonder if they're still pumping in fake crowd noise when they're trying to lose?

His Dirkness

Chiefs/Raiders Rivalry Video Breakdown

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First, the Oakland Raiders pull off a rarely seen midseason blockbuster trade for QB Carson Palmer, then the news that he is projected to start this Sunday against the Chiefs, and I think we have ourselves the top billing game of the NFL weekend.

There's also the celebratory fact that the Kansas City Chiefs are playing a meaningful game in 2011. A win on Sunday and the Halloween Monday Nighter against the San Diego Chargers becomes the hottest ticket in town (I'm gonna go as 13-year old Andy Reid).

To get in the spirit of Raider Week, I began watching videos on YouTube and came across this beauty entitled "Chiefs vs. Raiders: The History of the Rivalry" which seems to have aired last year on NFL Network (not sure how I missed this). I've decided to give this video the Sports Guy style breakdown that it truly deserves.

Here's the vid...



0:00 - The song for this video is super awesome. Does anything beat the music for NFL Films videos? Similar to any video being funny to the Benny Hill Theme Song, I think you could put any football video to this music and it becomes unequivocally riveting. I think I'll make this song my alarm for Sunday morning afternoon.

0:13 - Of all the hits in this video that would be declared illegal in today's NFL, this completely unnecessary flying clothesline off the top turnbuckle may have been the most illegal.

0:23 - This is the result of adults played the children's game Red Rover.

0:36 - "The Kansas City Chiefs: They were a team that projected the image that Hank Stram wanted to project - A dapper outfit." This is a pretty cool reputation.

0:42 - John Madden smoking a cigarette on the sideline of an NFL game. Has anybody else dominated three aspects of the sporting world as well as Jaaaaahn? His winning percentage as a head coach ranks 2nd all time. He popularized such words as "Boom!", "Whap!", "Bang!" and "Doink!" as an announcer (thanks Wiki). And yet everybody born after 1990 will remember him as The Godfather of sports video games. WAIT A SECOND...is that a hooter he's smoking? I'm becoming a bigger Madden fan by the minute.

0:50 - 0:57 - This series of hits on former Chiefs QB Lenny Dawson is in dire need of a few Wilhelm screams.

1:00 - Is that an interview with an active Kenny Stabler? He's a damn drunken bumpkin. I imagine him wearing Hillbilly Jim overalls during that interview with a pint of Old Crow in the breast pocket.

1:08 - And clearly Stabler is racist...

1:10 - What's with all the clothesline hits? Did those get outlawed at some point and time or just go out of style?

1:20 - Calm down...PHIL

1:28 - I distinctly remember my dad owning that same hat that sits upon Marty Schottenheimer's head. I guess the NFL didn't charge $40 for anything players or coaches wore back then because my dad wouldn't have paid that.

1:47 - "And the Raiders would make up their own rules" as we see Al Davis sporting an all white jumpsuit.

1:55 - What's the context of "the bastards got 3 points"? Was Marty encouraging the defense because they held them to a field goal? Was he pissed that his defense allowed them to even score 3 points? Or was he referring to his own offense as the bastards and thought that 3 points was enough for his defense?

2:02 - 2:24 - My love for obscure 90's Chiefs players is in sensory overload. Bill Maas, Dave Kreig, JJ Birden, Todd McNair, Leslie O'Neal, Chester McGlockton, Bam Morris (I demand to know where Donnell Bennett and Dino Hackett are). I almost cried right along with Marty.

2:17 - The Oakland QB right there is Donald Hollas. I thought I knew of every starting NFL QB of that era, especially within the division, but I have never heard of this dude. He went to Rice. And he led the Raiders to four straight wins in 1998! However, he threw 6 INT's in his final start. Three months later, the Raiders signed Rich Gannon.

2:29 - Greg Hill sighting!!!

2:51 - Documented proof that Thomas Jones can gain more than 5 yards in a single run.

2:57 - Darren McFadden leads the best rushing attack in the NFL against Kansas City this week. The Chiefs run defense has been secretly awesome this season (especially in the past three games). Shut down Oakland this week and they are officially for real. I feel you need to be dominant in one aspect of the game to be a real contender and the Chiefs lost that when Jamaal Charles went down. In other words, you'll learn everything you need to know about this team on Sunday. But first, one last brawl...

3:03 - Who knew Lenny D was so wily on the move like that? He's got wheels.

3:14 - Definitive punch to the groin.

3:18 - Look at Raider #84. I can't make out his name but I'm sure it rhymes with a part of the female anatomy. Perhaps he needs to have a sit down with overstimulated Phil from the 1:20 mark.

3:24 - Clearly the Chiefs won that fight.

Go Chiefs,
His Dirkness

Should the Chiefs Consider Jimmy Clausen?

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We've slowly but surely come to the realization that Matt Cassel isn't the right quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs. While his heart is in the right place, God's plan for him is not. He's killing us all softly, one dump off to SafeDex at a time.

So I begin to look towards who could be the next quarterback for the Chiefs. There is no more important position in sports (although the goalie in hockey sparks an interesting debate), and there's no better time than right now for Kansas City, with a bevy of rising talent on the team (even if 1/3 of them are nursing torn ACL's). Find the right quarterback and the franchise could be set up for the next 10 years.

My biggest fear right now is that the Chiefs are bad, but not quite bad enough to earn themselves the #1 pick in the NFL Draft, and declare victory in the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes (although these next two weeks will show just how serious of contenders we really are).

But before I swan dive into the NFL Draft pool, and convince myself that Landry Jones and his mustache could make even a decent NFL quarterback, I wanted to look around the rest of the NFL for an available, young quarterback. Which brought me to Jimmy Clausen. The former Golden Domer was drafted in the 2nd round in 2010, but will never sniff the field in Carolina now because of The People's Champion, Cam Newton.

So Jimmy Clausen is definitely available, but would he be worth giving a shot? Lets take a closer look...

Clausen's 2010 stats: 13 games, 10 starts, 1-9 record. 157-299 (52.5%), 1,558 yards (5.2 YPA), 3 TD, 9 INT, 9 fumbles. Click here for his game to game stats.

Obviously, those are some rather putrid numbers. However, it was the kid's rookie season and he was throwing the ball to David Gettis, Brandon LaFell, and Steve Smith (at 50% effort). John Fox was a lame duck coach, and there offensive coordinator was somebody named Jeff Davidson (who's past history was as an offensive line coach - sound familiar Chiefs fans?).

Clausen might not be the slam dunk that Luck is, but you can't expect to find a quarterback like that already in the league. You'd have to take a chance on a guy and coach him up. I'd feel stronger about either side of this argument if I had actually watched Clausen play at the professional level, but I have not (I spent my time last year actually focusing on my team - novel concept, eh?).

Jimmer will definitely get his shot in the league at some point. Quarterbacks with talent inevitably do. It would be real interesting to see what he could do with some playing time this year if Cam were to get nicked up at any point and time. Clausen could earn himself an immediate chance with a good game or two.

Conclusion: I'd definitely consider the option of acquiring Jimmy Clausen, and would be interested to see what the Panthers asking price was, however I don't think I would pull the trigger on a quarterback that hasn't shown much at the pro level, at a time when rookie quarterbacks are performing better than ever.

Although, this post was written more for the point of creating discussion on the topic, so I'd love to hear if any of you think Jimmy Clausen is worth giving a shot?

His Dirkness

NFL Power Rankings

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Parody is such a beautiful thing. The NFL is the only professional league that seeks out parody in every way possible. The Draft, the schedule, the revenue sharing, and the future implementation of the salary floor (not until 2013 I think) are all designed to give the 32 teams an equal opportunity to compete. And it's the main reason why the NFL is so successful. Every fan can believe that it is their team's year before the season begins. Three weeks in there are only three undefeated teams in the NFL, and two of them were completely off the radar last season (Bills, Lions). That means that all of the teams considered elite going into the season have atleast one loss, except for the defending Super Bowl Champs. And that's where we begin with the Week 3 power rankings.

(Laugh at my Preseason NFL Power Rankings: here)

NFL Power Rankings ~ Week 3

Ye Faithfuls
1. Green Bay Packers - Nice start, but what I want to see is how they handle adversity this season.
2. New Orleans Saints - My predicted Super Bowl winner is in good shape. There is no better QB in the NFL at playing from behind than Drew Brees.
3. Baltimore Ravens - Emphatic blowout this week showed me that their loss to Tennessee was a fluke.
4. Dallas Cowboys - A blocked punt away from being 3-0. This is starting to feel like Tony Romo's year to me.
5. New England Patriots - Brady has already surpassed his interception total of last season. I'm not sure if Belichick still believes in playing defense.

New Kids on the Block
6. Fuckin' Spunky Buffalo Bills - Impressed by their defense keeping them in the game against NE. Super impressed by Chan Gailey kneeling on the ball to kick a field goal with no time left.
7. Oakland Raiders - Their defensive line is better than the Lions' defensive line. I'm ready to call Darren McFadden the second best running back in the NFL.

8. Detroit Lions - Still cannot run the ball, the team finished with 20 yards on 19 attempts last game.

9. New York Jets - Could be a dangerous 10-6 team going into the Playoffs. Familiar eh?
10. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - I really want Josh Freeman to be called "Freebs." Or Fozzy Bearman.

The Letdowns
11. Houston Texans - Should be higher, but I feel like we're all waiting for their midseason collapse.
12. San Diego Chargers - I haven't seen the more determined team I expected to when I predicted them to make the Super Bowl.
13. Pittsburgh Steelers - Something doesn't feel right with this team. Reeks of a disappointing season.
14. Philadelphia Eagles - The comparisons to the Miami Heat are remarkable, right down to the poor start to the season and the whiny ass star of the team.
15. Atlanta Falcons - Should be 0-3 if Vick doesn't get hurt. This team was vastly overrated last season.

Middle of the Pack
16. New York Giants - Have 8-8 written all over them. I thought they might be pissed after seeing that DeSean Jackson punt return 87,000 times this offseason.
17. Washington Redskins - Ryan Kerrigan appears to be the real deal on what could be a rough defense.
18. Chicago Bears - Their punt return play was seriously awesome. Watch it here.
19. Tennessee Titans - Matt Hasselbeck has been my biggest surprise of the season. Chris Johnson is no longer a top 20 running back.

Showing some Spunk
20. Cleveland Browns - Could be the worst Playoff team ever if they win the games they should.
21. Carolina Panthers - Cam Newton never got enough credit for his dominating run at Auburn last year because of the number of pointless scandal stories.
22. Cincinnati Bengals - I have no idea how, but this team doesn't appear to be an easy victory. Could shock the Bills next week.

This Really is an NFL Division
23. St. Louis Rams - Have looked sooooo bad, and I still make them the favorites in the division at 0-3.
24. San Francisco 49ers - Please don't make me watch them this year.
25. Arizona Cardinals - Quarterbacks are never good after they leave Andy Reid's side.
26. Seattle Seahawks - Should be lower, but they fit the cut of this category's jib. Winning in Seattle still isn't easy.

Andrew Luck Sweepstakes
27. Denver Broncos - Crisis averted, I whiffed on my NFL surprise pick.
28. Minnesota Vikings - Made the top 5 for the first half of my preparations for this post. Then the second half happened.
29. Kansas City Chiefs - For better or worse, showed signs of returning to last year's form.
30. Indianapolis Colts - Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis will only try that hard for their primetime games.
31. Jacksonville Jaguars - Might be the worst team, but they are less likely to tank games at the end of the season.
32. Miami Dolphins - The frontrunners. Cheer hard for them.

His Dirkness

Huskers Overrated (...For Now)

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I have yet to write anything about my beloved Nebraska Cornhuskers' first couple games, and with my other team currently marred in seasonal depression disorder, this seems like the perfect time to do so.

The Nebraska Cornhuskers, currently ranked 10th in the poll that matters, are simply overrated.

For now.

Lets start out with the one big positive of the season for the Big Red - Taylor Martinez. He's fast again! And he's currently 3rd in the nation in rushing yards. The biggest question coming into this season was whether T-Mart's ineffectiveness over the second half of the 2010 season was actually due to his injured knee/ankle or because of the demons in his head. While you can't say that he's exercised 100% of those demons, it certainly seems like he's back to pre-injury form. The problem now, is that usually when your team's biggest question mark is answered favorably, they're due for a promising season. However, that's not the case with this Nebraska team. Here's why...

The Probs:

• The playmakers are there on offense, but they are all young. WR Jamal Turner made the biggest play of the game last week with a 43 yard reception. Ameer Abdullah took a kick return to the house in what should be his first of many. Super recruits Aaron Green and Braylon Heard have yet to make a big impact, but have serious potential. The good news? All are freshmen. The bad news? It's hard to say if they'll be able to provide enough for the team this season, and the team may not have enough game changers without them.
• The interior offensive line couldn't open holes against Fresno State, to the point where running between the tackles became pointless. That's not a good sign, and is an even worse sign when it comes against a team from the WAC.
• The defensive line has been largely disappointing. Jared Crick has looked alright, but certainly hasn't lived up to the hype of a potential Nagurski Award winner. After appearing to be almost unblockable in the first week, Cameron Meredith's name was hardly called against the Bulldogs. The most worrisome part of the line is their inability to stop the run right now, with even Tennessee Chattanooga ripping off chunks of yardage a couple of times. This must be fixed.
• Bradon Kinnie. Oy.
• The defensive backs look mostly lost out there with Alfonzo Dennard out to injury (although I'm a fan of CB Ciante Evans and S Damion Stafford - he did this). Word on the street is that he'll most likely miss the Washington game this week, but should return soon after. I think they'll be fine without him against the Huskies, but the Blackshirts will need him come Wisconsin.

These are the problems that lead me to believe that the Nebraska Cornhuskers are currently overrated. However, I've been teasing you with this "for now" throughout the entire article. And here's why: Bo Pelini. His defenses have consistently made huge leaps WITHIN in the season throughout his tenure at Nebraska. It's actually quite similar to how he approaches each individual game on the defensive side. He feels the other team out the first couple drives (feels his own team out the first couple games), makes the necessary adjustments, and then Ndominates (it's science).

Now while I expect the defense to improve over the course of the season, I think the offense will remain too one-dimensional with an overdependence on T-Mart running the ball. I'm not sold on offensive coordinator Tim Beck enough to feel confident going up against a good defense this season. Thus, I will stick with my previously unannounced prediction of a 10-2 regular season for this team, with a loss in the Big Ten Championship to the Wisconsin Badgers (we don't need no stinking badgers!). Oh, and the Huskers take out some frustrations on the Huskies this week. Big time.

Nebraska 38, Washington 13

Other games you should care about:

Florida St over Oklahoma - I think the smart bet is on the Sooners, but I gots a feeling! I've also got a theory, the Sooners don't have experience in huge road games because they always play their biggest opponent, Texas, at a neutral site. This leads to their annual disappointing loss on the road. I got Steele Jantz in my pants thinking about this one.

West Virginia over Maryland - Two underrated quarterbacks makes this the Steele Jantz Game of the Week. (Yea I went there twice, did you see that kid last week???)

Ohio St. over Miami - Big. Bounce back effort.

Georgia Tech over Kansas - Closer than the experts think. Turner Gill baby.

Upset Special: Illinois over Arizona St. - Beware of the team going on the road, coming off a huge win at home.

Upset Spectacular - Northern Illinois over Wisconsin - Not picking it, but don't say I didn't warn you.

His Dirkliness

Chiefs/Bills Rewatch Thoughts

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Enough time had passed, and with a little help from my green friends, I was able to stomach a rewatch of the Kansas City Chiefs opening day massacre. I had a multitude of thoughts from watching the game, as anybody who follows me on Twitter noticed around 3 am last night. And since I'm too unmotivated to organize them, I'm simply going to regurgitate them to you all on here.

But first, some of the broader points I took away after the rewatch:

~Everybody is being too harsh on Todd Haley. Yes, this game completely falls on him. His preseason plan completely backfired, and the team, and the young players in particular, were unprepared to take the field on Sunday. But the dude was coach of the year last year. He took us from nowhere to the playoffs in two seasons, so give him some due. The biggest knock on him is a horrific preseason, which, in the grand scheme of things, seems kinda silly. Now, if this effort continues throughout the entirety of this season, I'll be singing a different tune. But for now, I'll back off.

~People aren't being harsh enough on Matt Cassel and Bill Muir. In the heat of the game, I failed to realize the ridiculousness of the offensive gameplan. I'm not sure if they were worried about Cassel's injured ribs, but the number of short passes was mind boggling. The offensive line actually did a decent job, but Cassel looked completely incapable of pushing the ball down field. This can't continue (And yes, I realize the hiring of Muir falls on Haley, and that is most certainly a negative, but I choose to keep a long term open mind on the head coach).

Now to the quick hitta's:

• The Chiefs best play of the opening 4 of the game was getting destroyed on a 9 yard run
• Miss a tackle, take a seat #YoureUpFirstSheffield (Could not believe the excessive missed tackling. This falls under the team being unprepared, and/or lack of testicular fortitude)
• Javier did absoutely nothing on their TD. This guy has yet to make one positive play on defense in his career. Am I wrong? (I actually was wrong, Arenas put a good hit on Fitzpatrick later on in the game)
• 2nd kickoff: Dexter hesitates, #Chiefs hold, Bills facemask. And it goes to spot of Chiefs penalty? Is that a correct call? @MikePereira (Mike still hasn't gotten back to me)
• Bill Muir's first time calling plays in his career. You shouldn't be hiring a first timer unless he's 35 or younger. (Close to moving on from Muir after one game)
• Chiefs who have responded to early adversity: Leonard Pope, Jamaal Charles (list grew to include Tamba Hali, and that's it really)
• Cassel REALLY wanted to hit Terrence Copper on that slant. Cassel takes abominably bad sack. #Thesearethedaysofourlives (opening plays by our offense)
• If I were a Raiders or a Broncos fans I would call us the Kansas City McGraws (hope this doesn't catch on)
• Replacing Eric Berry with Jon McGraw is like replacing Scarlett Johansson with Glen Rice (Scar Jo nudes were a little disappointing. Frankly, she seems hotter with her clothes on)
• Ryan Fitzpatrick > Jay Fiedler (Ivy Leaguers)
• Why so many rollouts in Chiefs gameplan? Did they run any successful rollouts last year? (Really didn't understand the continuous Popey rollouts)
• That 3rd and 7 swing to Jamaal was maybe the worst play I've ever seen. 4 Bills running at him unblocked. FireMuir.com? (starting to see my turn on Muir)
• Gilberry pressure. Carr breakup. +1 a piece
• I couldn't yell Fuck Shawne Merriman loud enough on Sunday #Oneofthebettermemories
• 3rd down pass to Bowe was PI. Defender grabs his arm. Should be called way more than tiny body contact. #Ihateyoupassinterference
• BIG PLAY FROM JON MCGRAW! #NoReally
• Big 3rd and 6 - McGraw 1 on 1 with Something Nelson. #ThatOneIsOnCrennel
• Fitzpatrick absolutely pinpoints 2 passes for Bills to score 2nd touchdown (Chiefs were playing good defense at this point outside of the Caucasian Invasion at safety)
• Richardson destroyed on a draw, minus 1
• Nick Barnett sure would look nice in red #32millaintsobadClark
• If Jake O'Connell would've dropped that pass, he would've become the quickest cut player in NFL history. #Grammar
• How could Leonard Pope celebrate after clearly not catching the TD?
• Interesting shot of Todd Haley screaming into headset after Pope's overturned TD. Can't make out what he's saying. Tried over and over. (Even tried slow motion)
• Cassel went down like a pocket vagina in his first 2 sacks (Yes, I'm running with that nickname if this season falls apart)
• Cassel had a terrible game in Week 1 last season. And the final week. He struggles with firsts and lasts.
• I feel like it has been an overreaction, in large, to Week 1. Lack of response is worrisome. Perhaps more telling of mentality than talent. (This may have been my biggest takeaway from the game. A lot of the team's shortcomings were due to circumstances that you will not see every week. The most troubling part was the lack of response from 95% of the team. They were completely unable to man up.)
• Our pass rush isn't getting it done. Interior push is nonexistent.
• Kendrick just got punked (Coulda said this 4 or 5 times. Possibly the most disappointing player of the game)
• Gilberry with 2 first half pressures. You still my boy @Gilberry92! (He knows, he knows)
• Appeared to have a reverse called on the kick return there. Never got close to happening. (At least we were trying some things to mix it up)
• So we have no idea if Jamaal actually fumbled that football? (Camera angles were completely unable to capture when the ball came out)
• Flowers becoming a little too vulnerable to a soft push off (B-Flow either has to bulk up or play more physical because he got pushed around a little bit)
• I see absolutely nobody even attempting to rally the Chiefs in the first hlaf. Who are the leaders on this team? (I only feel comfortable saying that Tamba Hali was trying to fire up his teammates during this debacle)
• No reason for Cassel to rush that play before the 2 minute warning. -1 Time management.
• Just ran our 2nd and goal play for Jake O'Connell (-1 for Muir)
• Chiefs only touchdown was inches away from being a pick 6. And you thought 41-7 was bad...
• Piscitelli cheering for himself way too much on his only good play
• Big play - Bills 13 yards on quick slant to get to 3rd and 1. Chiefs not allowed to add more points before half.
• 3rd and 1 perfect display of Chiefs awfulness. DJ missed tackle. Just out of Tamba's reach. Flowers gets manhandled.
• Gannon almost at a loss for words after our multitude of dumpoffs to Pope (Went on quite a rant talking about how you rarely see teams call the exact same play repeatedly. Muir.)
• Master Kim alright! (If you know, you know)
• Tamba trying to get the team fired up. Noted. (See, I told ya)
• Horrible coverage from Kendrick (Rinse. Repeat.)
• Encouraged by the play I've seen from Charles and Tamba (Less worried about Charles after this game)
• Belcher with a good play on the goal line.
• @getnickwright Your boy Amon Gordon was a manimal on a couple goal line plays in 3rd Q (Look for more playing time out of this man)
• I'd fine the Chiefs defensive players for giving up that TD after 2 false starts (And give it to season ticket holders)
• Pretty sure tight end was wide open because Kendrick blew his coverage (Either he or Javier, couldn't pinpoint)
• Thought for sure Jamaal was seriously injured on the awkward hit he took (Would've been the icing on the cake)
• 3 Offensive PI's the Bills got away with by my count. Probably why we lost.
• Just noticed the KC Wolf dressed up like a cheerleader. Its pretty disturbing. (He looked like Sabby Piscitelli)
• Even tho Flowers got beat some, I feel good about how he played
• Is there any doubt LeRon McClain hates being a Chief right now?
• The tackling was piss poor. The rookies looked shell shocked. Both due to being unprepared. This falls on Haley.
• Studebaker didnt really play at all on defense. Why?
• Bills Chiefs got so out of hand that Rich Gannon was talkin Super Bowl rings with Ryan Fitzpatrick (Got to lovvvvve The Fitz)

Fin

10 Thoughts on the Kansas City CHIEFS

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My official Kansas City Chiefs preview comes to you in the form of a grab bag consisting of my 10 biggest thoughts, worries, qualms, predictions, hunches, juxtapositions, and if you're lucky, maybe some conjectures. But first, go ahead and play this song throughout the reading of this piece. If it ends, just restart it. Trust me.



1. This Buffalo Bills opening game scares the dickens out of me. In case you haven't read what I've been saying about the Bills this offseason (here and here), I think they are very dangerous. The Chiefs are still reeling from their shaky preseason, and the Bills might be extra motivated after last season's last second loss (not to mention, Chan Gailey probably hates Todd Haley). However, if the Chiefs were to drop their home opener, I don't like their chances to win at Detroit the next week. At all. And then you're  staring down an 0-2 record with a trip to San Diego looming. Those are season over circumstances there. So the moral of this horror story is - Don't lose to Buffalo!

2. People saying this is a make or break year for Todd Haley are dead wrong. I'm looking at you Randy Covitz! And you Sports Guy (who had this to say in his NFL preview: "Relatively Bold Prediction No. 5: By April 2012, Todd Haley will be the offensive coordinator for the New York Jets"). Look you may not like how Haley approached this preseason (nor do you probably like anything that is unconventional), but he has earned himself a down season after last year. If the Chiefs underperform this season, then he can plop down on the hot seat for the 2012 season, but unless the bottom falls out this season, and the Chiefs go something like 3-13, Todd Haley's job will be safe.

3. I'm worried about Jamaal Charles. And nobody else seems to be, which worries me even more. Look, I've said it before, and I'll say it again (just watch), Running Backs come and go all the time in the NFL. And it happens just like that. One minute you are Chris Johnson (and he'll suck in 2 years) and the next you're Edgerrin James. Or Shaun Alexander. Or Steve Slaton (perhaps the scariest comparison - nearly 1,300 yards as a rookie and barely over 500 yards in the two years since). The easiest way to metamorphose from good to bad is by getting injured. Or getting paid. One of which happened, and one of which I see in my nightmares. Luckily, we have, who I believe to be, the best long term mind in the NFL in Scott Pioli, who seems to be taking the necessary measures to keep Charles healthy for a long God Jam time.

4. Dwayne Bowe takes "The Leap." Last year he took a step and became D-Pro Bowe. I think he takes that next step this season. I'm not sure his stats will necessarily reflect the leap, but consistency is a big part of taking that next step. I expect Bowe to be considered a Top 5 NFL Wide Receiver by the end of the 2011 season. He's in a contract year, which may have played a big part in his offseason conditioning (something the Chiefs will have to take into evaluation following this season when he becomes a free agent). He has looked simply unstoppable this preseason, catching everything thrown his way, and I expect that to continue into the regular season.

5. Charlie Weis was the biggest loss of the offseason. Literally and schematically (oh wait, Shaun Smith is bigger, I think...). Since Chaz Weis announced he was leaving for oranger pastures, Matt Cassel and the passing offense haven't played well against an NFL starting defense. It's possible that the Chiefs got the services of a top flight Offensive Coordinator for only 15 games. And it's also possible that Todd Haley is to blame for that (speculative personality beef). In comes Jim Zorn (who I believe in) and Bill Muir (very skeptical), who takes over as the play caller for the Chiefs. They'll become the immediate scape goats, if my fears of Weis being more important than we're all hoping he was come true.

6. The defense is dependent on the long term health of Kelly Gregg. He appears to be fully healthy right now. But he will turn 35 this season. And his snaps were cut down considerably last season in Baltimore. If Gregg goes down, the Chiefs are forced to turn to 6th rounder Jerrell Powe as a starting Nose Tackle. POWE (right in the kisser) has looked good against 2nd and 3rd teamers in the preseason, but asking him to handle the load as a rookie is a bit of a stretch. And with the Chiefs run defense struggling enough as is, I hate to imagine what it would be like without The Oggre. That is why we all need to pray to 8 pound, 6 ounce baby Jesus that Gregg is lucky enough to last 16 games this season.

7. The defense needs a definitive leader to step up. It could be Eric Berry, Brandon Flowers, Derrick Johnson, or Tamba Hali (my order of likelihood), but I want an individual player for the team to rally around. I want a player that everybody can look to when things are going bad, and they'll get a sense of reassurance. The Ravens have Ray Lewis. The Steelers have Troy Polamalu. The Packers have Charles Woodson. The Patriots had Tedy Bruschi. One look in any of their eyes, and you knew his teammates were completely prepared to respond to adversity. My guess is that Urrrrrr Burrrrrrr (ahem, Eric Berry) steps into that role as this season progresses.

8. I'm atleast mildly intrigued by the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes. I'm not gonna root for the Chiefs to lose all of their games. Atleast, not yet. But if the Chiefs fall out of the playoff hunt early on in the season (read: worst case scenario up at #1), I would atleast entertain the idea of tanking the rest of the season in order to win the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes. I think the Chiefs are set up with young talent across the board right now, but Matt Cassel will never be more than an above average Quarterback, and if you watched the Green Bay - New Orleans season opener, you saw first hand what an elite QB can bring to the table. If the Chiefs were able to acquire an elite level QB (and I think there's a very high chance Luck becomes one), then they would become a league powerhouse for the next 10 seasons (and now I have to quit typing before I convince myself this is a good idea from the get go).

9. The Chiefs will only make the playoffs if Jared Gaither is successfully inserted into the starting offensive line. When predicting a team's fate, especially your own team, I look to the most clear cut reasoning possible. Right now the Chiefs offensive line is piss poor. And Matt Cassel doesn't handle getting pressured very well. That's the absolute easiest observation to make about this team. Barry Richardson not only seems to have regressed this offseason/preseason, he seems to have regressed hard. The only chance at improvement I see right now is Jared Gaither, who must play, and play well for the Chiefs to repeat last year's success.

10. The Kansas City Chiefs will go 9-7. Click here to see how.

His Dirkness

Predicting the Kansas City Chiefs 2011 Season

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Game-by-game predictions of the Kansas City Chiefs 2011 season....

Week 1~vs Buffalo W 24-17

Week 2~@ Detroit L 31-17

Week 3~@ San Diego L 34-13


Week 4~vs Minnesota W 21-17


Week 5~@ Indianapolis W 19-13


BYE WEEK


Week 7~@Oakland W 21-13

Week 8~vs San Diego L 27-20

Week 9~vs Miami W 28-10

Week 10~vs Denver W 35-31

Week 11~@ New England L 26-14

Week 12~vs Pittsburgh L 24-21

Week 13~@ Chicago W 13-10

Week 14~@ NY Jets L 14-13

Week 15~vs Green Bay W 31-28

Week 16~vs Oakland W 20-14

Week 17~@ Denver L 30-20

Final Record: 9-7 (3rd in the AFC West)

2011 NFL PREDICTIONS

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Click here to make fun of my last year's predictions!

AFC

AFC East
New England Patriots 11-5 (3 seed)

Buffalo Bills 9-7

New York Jets 9-7
Miami Dolphins 2-14

AFC North
Pittsburgh Steelers 13-3 (1 seed)
Baltimore Ravens 11-5 (5 seed)
Cleveland Browns 9-7
Cincinnati Bengals 4-12

AFC South
Houston Texans 11-5 (4 seed)

Jacksonville Jaguars 5-11

Tennessee Titans 5-11

Indianapolis Colts 3-13

AFC West
San Diego Chargers 12-4 (2 seed)
Denver Broncos 10-6 (6 seed)
Kansas City Chiefs *-*
Oakland Raiders 6-10

NFC

NFC East
Dallas Cowboys 11-5 (3 seed)
Philadelphia Eagles 11-5 (5 seed)
Washington Redskins 7-9
New York Giants 6-10

NFC North
Green Bay Packers 13-3 (1 seed)
Detroit Lions 10-6 (6 seed)
Minnesota Vikings 9-7
Chicago Bears 6-10

NFC South
New Orleans Saints 12-4 (2 seed)
Atlanta Falcons 9-7
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 7-9
Carolina Panthers 3-13

NFC West
St. Louis Rams 9-7 (4 seed)

Arizona Cardinals 6-10

San Francisco 49ers 6-10
Seattle Seahawks 4-12

PLAYOFFS?!?!? Playoffs.

WildCard Round:
AFC - New England over Denver, Baltimore over Houston
NFC - Dallas over Detroit, Philadelphia over St. Louis

Divisional Round:
AFC - San Diego over New England, Pittsburgh over Baltimore
NFC - New Orleans over Dallas, Philadelphia over Green Bay

Championship Round:
AFC - San Diego over Pittsburgh
NFC - New Orleans over Philadelphia

Super Bowl:

New Orleans over San Diego

Awards n' Shit

MVP: Philip Rivers, San Diego

Offensive Player of the Year: Andre Johnson, Houston

Defensive Player of the Year: Clay Matthews, Green Bay

Comeback Player of the Year: Donovan McNabb, Minnesota

Offensive Rookie of the Year: Mark Ingram, New Orleans

Defensive Rookie of the Year: Von Miller, Denver

Coach of the Year: Mike Tomlin, Pittsburgh

Winner of the Andrew Luck sweepstakes: Miami Dolphins

His Dirkness

Finding the NFL's Surprise Team

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Last year, this distinction fell on my beloved Kansas City Chiefs. All of the signs (easy schedule, promising changes, birth of a superstar, and good karma) were there to see before the season, only I was too afraid of putting some sort of hex on them to actually see it (yes, I believe in these kinds of things - times 100).

Every year since 1997 (my brain only goes back that far), at least one NFL team has made a 6 win improvement from the previous season. There were 3 such teams last year in Kansas City, Tampa Bay, and St. Louis. The Chiefs would top that list because they also made the playoffs. So that's what we are looking for here, a team that improves by 6 or more in the win department, AND qualifies for the postseason.

----Who will be the NFL's surprise team in 2011?----

*Mathematically Eliminated (11 wins or more in 2010): New England, NY Jets, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Chicago, Atlanta, New Orleans

*Logistically Eliminated (would need to go 16-0/15-1): Indianapolis, Kansas City, San Diego, Philadelphia, NY Giants, Green Bay, Tampa Bay

*Dirknosstically Eliminated (honky, please): Jacksonville (needs 14 wins), Oakland (14), Miami (13), St. Louis (13), Washington (12), Seattle (12), San Francisco (12), Tennessee (12), Arizona (11), Cincinnati (10), Carolina (8)

This leaves us with a nice, crisp, clean 7 teams left to fight it out for the honors. Lets shift this into rundown mode...

NEED 12 WINS

~Dallas Cowboys - Do they really count? While they wouldn't be a team I would consider a huge surprise, they certainly do qualify. After riddinig themselves of Wade Phillips at the midpoint of 2010, the Cowboys went 5-3 under Jason Garrett. They get Tony Romo and Dez Bryant back from injuries that cut their seasons short, and they aren't faced with 60 yard big screen expectations this season.
*Schedule - The NFC East is mediocre and they draw the NFC West, the worst divison of all time
*Change - New head coach, QB returning from injury
*Superstar - Bryant has serious potential, as does Romo as a rebirth superstar
*Karma - Bad for the organization, good for Romo
*Outlook - They seem to fit the criteria, but this feels like a 10 or 11 win team to me. Plus, picking the Cowboys as my surprise team would be pretty limpwristed.

~Detroit Lions - America's team. Or atleast America's adopted team of 2011. Or maybe just the team that had the best preseason, putting 10 win expectations on a team coming off a 6 win season. Never a good recipe, although I must admit, I do like me some Lions.
*Schedule - Draw the AFC West (good) and the NFC South (not so good) and play in a division with no gimme's (double not so good)
*Change - 2nd year head coach, QB returning from injury, dynamic rookie in Nick Fairley
*Superstar - Ndominant Suh may already be there, while Stafford has a chance to get there
*Karma - Have the Lions ever been good? I'd say they're due...
*Outlook - Was all about them until the preseason hyphoon was upgraded to a Suhnami. I like the Lions, and I think there's a good chance they reach 10 wins, but they've become a bit too trendy for me.

~Houston Texans - Another team that's hard to qualify as a "surprise" team, but I was surprised to learn they only went 6-10 last season. The Texans have become something of a punchline because of their lofty expecations that annually go unfulfilled. BUT THIS IS THEIR YEAR!
*Schedule - The frontrunners of what is now the second worst division in the NFL (because of Peyton and Garrard), but have tough draws in AFC North and NFC South
*Change - Wade Phillips as new Defensive Coordinator could make a world of difference
*Superstar - Andre Johnson is, Mario Williams should be, Matt Schaub could be, JJ Watt will be
*Karma - I'd like to say it's higher, but the heckling on the way out of the Chiefs game last year might doom them yet
*Outlook - A little too passe for my tastes. The Texans get a huge break with Peyton the Manning's injury vaulting them to the top of their division, but I think they fall short of 12.

~Minnesota Vikings - Beware of the player with the most to prove. Donovan F. has been completely written off after one bad season in a terrible situation with the Redskins. They also might have the most dangerous offensive weapon in the NFL - Visanthe Shiancoe's dong.
*Schedule - Same as Lions - rough division, but draw the AFC West
*Change - New head coach (interim from last season) and new QB
*Superstar - Major Donovan rebirth potential
*Karma - Seem to let down alot, but may have sold their soul by going with Favre
*Outlook - The Vikings chances are completely dependent on whether you believe in McNabb or not. They can beat anybody, but not everybody, with AP running the ball. 12 wins is a bit much though. Sell.

NEED 11 WINS

~Cleveland Browns - Nicholas Wright's team is gaining some steam as a potential sleeper for this season. Colt McCoy has looked rather spry this preseason, coming off a decent finish to his rookie year. He looks like he might be the real deal. The Browns definitely fit the mold of what I am looking for.
*Schedule - Couldn't be easier outside the division with the two worst divisions in NFC West and AFC South, but their own division has two powerhouses
*Change - First full year with Colton, new head coach, former head coach as D-Coord (Dicky Jauron)
*Superstar - Peyton Hillis already graced the cover of Madden (curse!), but this is all about McCoy
*Karma - Hard to argue that anybody deserves it more than Cleveland

*Outlook - Their schedule may not be 2010 Chiefs easy, but it's incredibly easy (includes drawing the Colts in Week 2 - Peyton doubtful). But their WR's are questionable, and so is their defense. I can see 10 wins with a backdoor playoff slide in, but that ain't enough to satisfy me.

NEED 10 WINS

~Buffalo Bills - Chan Chan the Man Man and his wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube offense. If he goes mad scientist this year, I'm talking Mike Leach crazy, I think the Bills could possibly revolutionize the game. Don't say I didn't warn you. I feel like Chan has reached the point where he's willing to try anything, a philosophy that originated with Thigbone (now with the Bills!) and the Chiefs.

*Schedule - Tough division with NE and NYJ, but AFC West and NFC East are manageable

*Change - Word on the street is that The Hyphen, QB-WR-PR Brad Smith, is being used every which way by Chan Chan

*Superstar - The Bumpkin, Ryan Fitzgerald might give the NFL some Ivy League flavor

*Karma - NOBODY needs good news more than the poor people in upstate, New Yahk (I can't help but think of this old commercial)

*Outlook - I came THIS close to going with the Biffalo Buffs, but I only see a max of 9 wins on their schedule. Actually, the opener against the Chiefs here at Arrowhead is their barometer. Win that, you get Oakland at home the next week, and could be 2-0 hosting the Patriots in Week 3. The Bills are my adopted team of 2011.

~Denver Broncos - It pains me to include them on this list, but here they are. Sometimes unnecessary turmoil (Tebow saga) can bring a team together, almost as if they're rallying around the media. Elvis Dumervil returns and tag teams with Von Miller, which scares the dickens out of me. And while I said McNabb had the most to prove in the NFL, Orton might be #2.
*Schedule - Their first 3 games (Oak, Cin, @Tenn) are as easy as they come, which is important for the sleeper team - beyond that it is rather pedestrian
*Change - New head coach John Fox knows how to do a lot with a little
*Superstar - The Neard himself, Kyle Orton might jump into the upper echelon of QB's - Also, Von Miller is my selection for Defensive Rookie of the Year
*Karma - The depths of hell (Tebow and hell jokes will never get old)
*Outlook - Oy. Don't make me say it. I fear the Broncos. Orton making the leap. Tebow doing little things every week that gets praised so much that Deuteronomy's ears bleed. Willis McGahee inevitably rejuvenating his career (I know because I can already feel my hatred towards him growing). Two edge rushers that will crush you on 3rd and long. Champ Bailey and Brian Dawkins doing wily veteran things in the secondary. We have ourselves a winner, and I hate myself. Denver Broncos: 10-6.

Anybody who correctly picks the NFL's surprise team of 2011 in my comments will earn themselves a surprise party at my convenience following the season. All I need is a one word comment for you to be eligible.

his Dirkness

2011 NFL Power Rankings - Preseason

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No introduction necessary, lets just rank em boyeeeeee...

The Paul Thomas Anderson 3-named Fav's:
1. New Orleans Saints
2. Green Bay Packers
3. New England Patriots
4. San Diego Chargers

The Annuals:
5. Pittsburgh Steelers
6. Baltimore Ravens
7. Philadelphia Eagles

The Pretenders:
8. New York Jets
9. Atlanta Falcons

The X(-Ray) Factor:
10. Indianapolis Colts

The Little Lebowski Urban (under)Achievers:
11. Houston Texans
12. Dallas Cowboys

The Overpicked Surprise Team:
13. Detroit Lions

The Potential Surprises:
14. Cleveland Browns
15. Minnesota Vikings
16. Buffalo Bills

The One Year Kevin Arnold Wonder Years:
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
18. Kansas City Chiefs

The Jackie O'Nassis Has Beens:
19. New York Giants
20. Chicago Bears

The Quin Snyder D-League:

21. St Louis Rams

22. Arizona Cardinals

23. San Francisco 49ers

24. Seattle Seahawks

The Potential Harry Houdini Spit On Her Back Surprise Team:

25. Denver Broncos

The Bob Loblaws:

26. Oakland Raiders

27. Tennessee Titans

The White Flaggers:

28. Jacksonville Jaguars

The Spergon Wynn Division:

29. Washington Redskins

30. Miami Dolphins

31. Carolina Panthers

The Andrew Luck Frontrunners:
32. Cincinnati Bengals

2011 World Series Predictions

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With all of the hype surrounding the start of football season, I almost forgot that baseball is still going on!!!

But this one is for all of you diehards out there that wait around until the last 5 minutes of Sportscenter to catch the highlights of Thomas Jefferson's past time. I figured I had to get this in before your sport officially ended with the kickoff of Week 1 in the NFL on Thursday night. Hey at least your sport will no longer be overshadowed by a sport that's either a. locked out of all activities or b. smack dab in the middle of meaningless football games that most everybody hates.

So here goes the very first baseball article written by His Dirkness himself......

Philadelphia Phillies over Detroit Tigers in 5.

No doubt about it,
His Dirkness

Breaking Down the Chiefs 2011 Schedule (Part One)

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There's been a lot of talk surrounding the perceived difficulties of the Kansas City Chiefs 2011 schedule. I'm not buying it. And frankly, it's getting as annoying to listen to as Tim Tebow's daily depth chart updates. The only reason that it's even a concern is because the Chiefs had one of the easiest schedules of all time last season. This year, the schedule is just back to normal, that's all. So the next time you're at a party and Generic Chiefs Guy walks up to you and (inevitably) mentions the schedule in the first 30 seconds of the conversation, be sure to do all of us a favor, grab the nearest pie, and throw it at him.

Breaking down the Chiefs' 2011 opponents:

Week 1: Buffalo Bills
2010 Record: 4-12
Stock Watch: Sprouting
What's New: Mucho local ties as (former Chiefs Offensive Coordinator) Chan Chan the Man Man is gettin' Thiggy wit it in 2011. They also brought in The Hyphen, Brad Smith.
Outlook: If the Chiefs are serious about building on last year's success, the season opener at Arrowhead Stadium is a must win. However, the Bills should've beaten us at home last season and will be hungry for a victory.
Win Potential: 85%

Week 2: @Detroit Lions
2010 Record: 6-10
Stock Watch: Awakening
What's New: For starters, expectations for the Lions. Elsewhere, the Ndamukongs brought in a few nice additions (Jerome Harrison, Stephen Tulloch), but the biggest pickup was 1st rounder DT Nick Fairley (who might not yet be healthy by this game).
Outlook: This will be an excellent barometer of where both of these teams are at. The Lions will be a very popular pick as a team to surprise in 2011. There's no telling how this young group deals with expectations, but a good start will be pivotal. This is a bigger game for the Lions than it is the Chiefs.
Win Potential: 51%

Week 3: @San Diego Chargers
2010 Record: 9-7
Stock Watch: Surfacing
What's New: WR Vincent Jackson returns to the team full time (which will be huge), Takeo Spikes provides the defense with veteran leadership (which they sorely needed), and Bob Sanders could be the biggest signing of the offseason (IF he can stay healthy).
Outlook: If the Chiefs can go into this difficult road game at 2-0 (43.35% probability), they can play with a nothing to lose type of attitude. If not, this game will determine early season control of the AFC West. Either way, we won't have to watch Crodie Broyle squirm his way this game, so in a way, we all win.
Win Potential: 20%

Week 4: Minnesota Vikings
2010 Record: 6-10
Stock Watch: Trickling
What's New: Donovan F. McNasty, who is my preseason favorite for NFL Comeback Player of the Year. Also, the illustrious return of Jared Allen, who I would love to hurl obscenities at for 3 1/2 hours.
Outlook: This game seems like a gimme on paper, but it's level of sandwichness scares me. My biggest worry with this Chiefs team might be their (in)ability to stop the run. Well, Adrian Peterson is bound to get abused in an LJ type of way this year. Plus, I don't think the Chiefs have ever beaten a McNabb led team.
Win Potential: 68%

Week 5: @Indianapolis Colts
2010 Record: 10-6
Stock Watch: Descending
What's New: Peyton Manning done falled down and hurted his neck. His status for Week 1 is unknown as of now. Their offense will take some time to get in synch, but should be rounding into form around this time.
Outlook: The Chiefs missed their chance to send a message to the rest of the league by topping the Colts in Indy last season. A win this season would go a long ways towards legitimizing the Chiefs as an AFC powerhouse for the foreseeable future.
Win Potential: 30%

Week 6 BYE - The seemingly annual too-early-in-the-season bye week for the Chiefs. Most likely scenario at this point in the season: 3-2.

Week 7: @Oakland Raiders
2010 Record: 8-8
Stock Watch: Black Holed
What's New: Not a lot of additions to report here, but the team did lose 3 of their best players in Nnamdi Asomugha, Zach Miller, and Robert Gallery. Not to mention, they fired their head coach who seemed to finally bring some stability to the organization.
Outlook: This begins the easy portion of the schedule. The Chiefs should be favored in the next four games (before possibly being the underdog in the following 5). The game in Oak town always comes down to the wire, and I, for one, haven't forgotten the name Jacoby Ford.
Win Potential: 55%

Week 8: San Diego Chargers
2010 Record: 9-7
Stock Watch: Levitating
What's New: Didn't mention earlier that the team parted ways with Darren Sproley Poley.
Outlook: Monday Night Football. Halloween night. 100% chance I'll be in attendance with a Kentucky Tavern filled flask in my nantucket. If the Chiefs have aspirations of winning the AFC West this game is a must win (unless they shock them in Diego). KC's playoff fate might be known after these back to back toss up games.
Win Potential: 45%

Week 9: Miami Dolphins
2010 Record: 7-9
Stock Watch: Plummeting
What's New: All the news is at running back here. Ricky Williams and Ron Brown are gone. And in comes local boy Daniel Thomas (potential Offensive Rookie of the Year) and, wait for it.........Larry Johnson!
Outlook: The easiest game on the schedule for the Chiefs (followed by the next easiest the week after), the Dolphins should win no more than 5 games this season. If KC loses this one, they have no business even dreaming of the playoffs.
Win Potential: 90%

According to my calculations the Chiefs will sit at 4.44 - 3.56 at this point in the season. So if we're 4-3-1 you all owe me a burrito.

Top 10 NFL Over/Unders for 2011

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Vegas has recently released their over/unders for number of regular season wins for each NFL team. Some of them seem particularly juicy, well I wouldn't touch some of the others with Visanthe Shiancoe's pole.

But since I so desperately aspire to be a gambling junkie, I'm gonna let all my Crodies in on the 10 sure bets on the lot. There will be actual money put down on these teams from Sir Dirkness. And I expect to be atleast 5 bucks richer by season's end. Without further ado...

Top 10 NFL Over/Unders for 2011:

1. Miami Dolphins +/- 7.5 wins ~ UNDER

First off, Chad Henne is their quarterback (who I, at first, believed in until I heard that he publicly complained about facing competition for his job). So this year, Henne is hearing "We want Orton" chants at training camp, which Henne claimed "hurt his feelings" (not that there's anything wrong with that). Oy. I'm not ripping the guy for being sensitive, but that's not what I want to hear from my team's QB. Outside of that, the Dolphins lost Ronnie Brown, Ricky Williams, AND Tyler Thigpen and added almost nobody of note (Reggie Bush has been zung).

Potential pitfall: Anchored by Jake Long, the Dolphins' offensive line might have one of the best in the NFL.

Projected record: 5-11


2. New Orleans Saints +/- 10 wins ~ OVER

I absolutely love the Saints this year, who are flying so far underground that no radar can pick them up because of the Eagles and Packers in the NFC. The Saints drafted Mark Ingram to solidify their running game (and Sproles), and beefed up their defensive interior with Aubrayo Franklin and Shaun Rogers. And they were the most active team in organizing offseason activities, an unknown X-factor impacting the 2011 season. This team might go 10-6, but they aren't going 9-7 or worse (barring an injury to Brees).

Potential Pitfall: Their cornerbacks are the only potential position of weakness I can find on this team.

Projected record: 13-3


3. Washington Redskins +/- 6.5 wins ~ UNDER

Rex Grossman. John Beck. Tim Hightower. Ryan Torain. Santana Moss. Jabar Gaffney. These are the key skill position contributors for the team (I could've just stopped after Beck). They play in perhaps the toughest division in the NFL. And nobody there seems to be responding to Mantanahan just yet.

(Note: This is the most lopsided action of any over/unders for the 32 teams).

Potential Pitfall: They play each of the NFC West teams. So they might win 4 games?

Projected Record: 4-12


4. San Diego Chargers +/- 9.5 wins ~ OVER

Shitty, I know, but I think the Chargers are pissed off about last season. I don't think they believed anybody could top them in the AFC West, and their play from last season proved so. I think they play this season with something to prove from the get go. Vincent Jackson returns, and the quiet additions of Bob Sanders, Takeo Spikes, and Travis LaBoy could be huge. And this is my best effort at a reverse jinx.

Potential Pitfall: All together now.....NORV TURNER! While he may not be our only hope, he certainly is our best hope, Obi Wan.

Projected Record: 11-5

5. San Francisco 49ers +/- 7.5 wins ~ UNDER

The Alex Smith suckfest continues. I can't imagine how tired 9ers fans are of this guy. It's his 7th year in the league! And he hasn't been good for any of them! And he's not even really in competition for his job right now! And....that's enough. This reeks of a team that inserts a rookie QB by midseason, in this case, Colin Kaepernick (he ain't gonna get it done). Initially, I hesitated due to Jim Harbaught, but then I remembered college coaches never do good in the NFL.

Potential Pitfall: Again, the NFC West conundrum, where it seems like any of the teams could put a few pieces together and win 8 games.

Projected Record: 5-11

6. Indianapolis Colts +/- 9.5 wins ~ OVER

This feels like easy money. Almost like it's too good to be true. I'm almost skeptical because Vegas knows more than everybody else most of the time. However, do you know the last season the Colts finished with under 10 wins? It was 2001. Really the only question is...

Potential Pitfall: Peyton Manning's injury. He has yet to practice this year, and will most likely not play in a single preseason game. I think this slows down their juggernaut offense, but doesn't completely kill it. The pieces are more of the same from last season, which should help. It's hard to imagine the Colts not in the playoffs.

Projected Record: 10-6

7. Minnesota Vikings +/- 6.5 wins ~ OVER

I believe in Donovan F. McNabb (as my QB rankings would lead you to believe). I'll always bet on players that have a lot to prove, in which case, McNasty has more than just about anybody in the league. His receivers aren't great, but they never were in Philly either (but he does have good TE's, ala the Pheagles). Oh, and they have this Adrian Peterson dude. Their D ain't great (because Jared Allen sucks now), but it doesn't have to be to reach 7 wins.

Potential Pitfall: The dreaded bad start/rookie QB combo that might occur with Christian Ponder waiting in the wings (at which point they would have no shot at 7 wins).

Projected Record: 8-8

8. Buffalo Bills +/- 5.5 wins ~ OVER

Call it a love of the bumpkin QB, but I can't get enough of the Ryan Fitzpatrick, Kyle Orton, or Shaun Hill trio (the most underrated QB's in the league). I think Chan Gailey goes mad scientist this year with Brad Smith, CJ Spiller, and Tyler Thigpen at his disposal (all taking snaps at QB). Prediction: You might see a freshly unwrapped, innovative, dazzling offense out of the Bills this season, a system that stems from Gailey's time in KC with the Thigboner. Sorta Vermeil-esque.

Potential Pitfall: Well, they're the Biffalo Buffs, and they haven't smelled success in a while. I'll be damned if they're not better than the Dolphins though.

Projected Record: 9-7

9. Green Bay Packers +/- 11.5 wins ~ UNDER

It's hard to sustain success in the NFL. Everybody will be gunning for the defending champs. Not to mention, they didn't even win 12 games last season. The big question is if the time off from the Lockout will help them or hurt them. In one corner, they didn't have the coaches in their ear, preaching to forget about being champs all offseason. In the other corner...

Potential Pitfall: There has been less time for other teams in the NFL to make significant strides, leading one to believe that the Pack would still be the best team in the league.

Projected Record: 11-5

10. Detroit Lions +/- 7.5 wins ~ OVER

My team for 2011. I like Stafford at QB (and I like Shaun Hill even more at backup QB). I like the backfield combo of Best and Harrison. I like the pickups of Justin Durant and Stephen Tulloch at LB. And I LOVE the combo of Ndominant World Order (NwO) and Piggie Fairley in the middle of that defense (even though Fairley is hurt, he should be back for Week 1). My only hesitation is that 7.5 wins is a pretty high number. I must not be the only one on the bandwagon.

Potential Pitfall: Well, they're the Detroit Lions! There's a definite mental hurdle they'll need to clear, preferably early in the season.

Projected Record: 10-6

Sorry I'm not home right now, I'm walking in the spiderwebs,

His Dirkness

All Hail Scott Pioli

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It's easy to forget how lucky we are.

It's easy to forget how far we've come.

It's hard to forget the man who's responsible.

Scott Pioli: What a Difference 3 Years can Make

The signing of Jared Gaither on Thursday marks, what I would consider, the conclusion of the Kansas City Chiefs 2011 offseason. It was a somewhat quiet, yet very effective 2 weeks for Kansas City that mostly flew under the national radar. Yet, the Chiefs were able to keep their own (Tamba Hali - really don't need Shaun Smith), while improving in most of their weak points (FB, WR, NT, OT, ILB - only OLB left unscathed). It almost resembled a Madden offseason where you can easily identify your weaknesses by overall ratings, and make your free agent acquisitions accordingly.

This all got me to thinking. Have the Chiefs filled all of their holes now? Now obviously they haven't with elite talent at every position, but it's hard to look at this team and say they have a definite need right now. Which brought me back to 2-3 years ago, when it was hard to find a position that you could say WASN'T a definite need And, well, that got me concluding...

Scott Pioli is the fuckin' man.

(To be completely fair, the turnaround began with that 2008 Draft class, which has the potential to go down as one of the best of all time.)

Lets take a look, position by position, at how this team has evolved from their 2-14 season in 2008 to where they stand heading into 2011...

Quarterbacks:

2008 - Tyler Thigpen, Damon Huard, Crodie Broyle, Quinn Gray (!) - Pu pu extradionaire. I got love for Huard because of his magical 2006 season (yea I said it), and Thigpen because he atleast entertained me. The only inspiration I ever got from Cruddie was to write this.

2011 - Icy Matt Cassel, Rick Stanz, something called a Palko - While we may not know Cassel's ceiling, we know that, at worst, he is average. The big question is if can he be the QB on a Super Bowl caliber team?

Running Backs:

2008 - Larry Johnson, infantile Jamaal, Kolby Train - I couldn't be happier that LJ is no longer the face of the organization. My lasting memory of him will forever be him sitting in his New York penthouse on Hard Knocks, in his holdout, wondering if Jay-Z really likes him or not. And hittin' bitches.

2011 - God Jam Chauls, Thomas Jones, LeRon McClain (4 capitals!) - What might be the best backfield in the NFL. I hope the Chiefs stick with the plan of limiting Jamaal's carries, keeping him healthy and prolonging his career.

Wide Receivers/Tight Ends:

2008 - Tony Gonzalez, Dwayne Bowe, Mark Bradley (!), Devard Darling (!!) - Tight End is the only position I can see that was better in 2008 than what it is in 2011.

2011 - D-Pro Bowe Show, Jonny Baldwin, Steve Breaston, Tony Mohee-yahki - The Bee's Knees, B3PO, The B-Headed Monster, The B Musketeers > Killer B's. For real analysis read this.

Offensive Line:

2008 - Baby Branden Albert, Brian Waters, Rudy Niswanger, Wade Smith, Damion McIntosh - They got Brodie Croyle killed. He never stood a chance behind this line!!!

2011 - Grown man Branden Albert, Jon Asamoah, Casey Wiegmann, Ryan Lilja, Barry Richardson/Jared Gaither - The overachievers of last season got rid of their underachiever and added a potential monster at RT (literally - he's 6'9), and will rely on the potential shown by Asamoah. But leave Albert alone at Left Tackle, it annoys me to hear people discuss moving him to RT so much.

Defensive Line:

2008 - Tamba Hali, Jason Babin, Tank Tyler, Turk McBride, Glenn Dorsey, Alfonso Boone - This was the year the Chiefs registered an NFL all time low of 10 sacks. These are the men responsible. Funny looking back that Tamba was playing out of position then.

2011 - Glenn Dorsey, Kelly Gregg, Ty Jax, Wallace D. Gilberry, Allen Bailey, Tony Toribio, Jerrell POW! - Dorsey is solid, Gregg is a mentor, Jackson will improve, Gilberry is the man, my buddy Bill is gay for Bailey, Toribio has a cool name, and Powe is a house.

Linebackers:

2008 - Derrick Johnson, Pat Thomas, Demorrio Williams, Rocky Boiman (!), Weston Dacus (!!), the corpse of Donnie Edwards - Possibly one of the worst linebacking units of all time? This is probably when DJ's depression began.

2011 - Muhammad Hali, Derrick Johnson, Jovan Belcher, Brandon Siler, Andy Studebakez, Justin Houston - The best positional battle this preseason should be between Jovan Belcher and Brandon Siler at the ILB position opposite DJ. Hopefully Houston develops anger management issues when he quits the ganja.

Defensive Backs:

2008 - Brandon Flowers, Brandon Carr, Bernard Pollard, Jarrad Page, Patrick Surtain, Gavin McGraw, something called an Oliver Celestin - A phenomenal mixture of washed up vets, young promising corners, and overrated safeties.

2011 - Brandon Flowers, Brandon Carr, Errrrric Berrrrrrrry, Ken Lewis, Javier Bardenas, Jon McG, Italian Stallion Piscatelli - If Kendrick Lewis pans out, this might be the best secondary this side of the Philadelphia. Flowers, Carr, and Berry will all make visits to Hawaii in their career (or wherever the Pro Bowl is played now).

Pioli rules.
Happy Chiefsmas,
His Dirkness

Ranking the NFL's 32 Quarterbacks

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After watching the launch of ESPN's new system for rating quarterbacks last night, and seeing how it compares to the ancient QB Rating system, it really got me thinking.......Gold jacket? Green jacket? Who gives a shit?

But I'm never one to trust my first instinct, so then I decided to make my own list ranking all of the NFL's quarterbacks. So I will take the projected starter of each and every team heading into 2011 (there really isn't much competition within teams at the QB position this year. Denver? One-sided Neckbeard. Washington? Starter is bad, but not Rex Grossman bad. Seattle? Probably most legit, but they already announced Tarvaris Jackson as the starter. Carolina? Probably the only unknown heading into Week 1, but there's no need to include Derek Anderson in this list just to rank him last.). To be clear, this list is my projection of how the QB's will fare THIS SEASON.

And then, I will determine which rating system is best, ESPN's brand spankin' new Total Quarterback Rating or the now-39-year-old QB Rating system (of all passers with atleast 20 career passing attempts, try and guess who has the highest QB Rating of all time - answer in the notes below), by comparing them to my personal rankings.

Yes, I realize this doesn't make logistical sense (should be ranking the QB's according to last year's play). No, I don't care (that's how I roll).

Find 2010's Total Quarterback Ratings here.
Find 2010's old QB Ratings here.

On to the list...

1. Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers
2. Tom Brady, New England Patriots
3. Drew Brees, New Orleans Saints
4. Philip Rivers, San Diego Chargers
5. Peyton Manning, Indianapolis Colts
6. Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh Steelers
7. Matt Schaub, Houston Texans
8. Matt Ryan, Atlanta Falcons
9. Matthew Stafford, Detroit Lions
10. Tony Romo, Dallas Cowboys
11. Joe Flacco, Baltimore Ravens
12. Donovan McNabb, Minnesota Vikings
13. Michael Vick, Philadelphia Eagles
14. Matt Cassel, Kansas City Chiefs
15. Sam Bradford, St. Louis Rams
16. Ryan Fitzpatrick, Buffalo Bills
17. Kyle Orton, Denver Broncos
18. Eli Manning, New York Giants
19. Josh Freeman, Tampa Bay Buccaneers
20. Mark Sanchez, New York Jets
21. Kevin Kolb, Arizona Cardinals
22. Jason Campbell, Oakland Raiders
23. David Garrard, Jacksonville Jaguars
24. Jay Cutler, Chicago Bears
25. Colt McCoy, Cleveland Browns
26. Carson Palmer, Cincinnati Bengals
27. Chad Henne, Miami Dolphins
28. Alex Smith, San Francisco 49ers
29. Matt Hasselbeck, Tennessee Titans
30. Cam Newton, Carolina Panthas
31. Tarvaris Jackson, Seattle Seahawks
32. John Beck, Washington Redskins

Notes:

*The top 6 QB's are in a division of their own. That's a huge bitch between 6 and 7.

*Matt Schaub over Matt Ryan null and voids the Matty Ice nickname for the 2011 season.

*Obviously, I think Matthew Stafford is the QB who takes "the leap" this season.

*I've got McNabb outperforming Vick this season. I'm cool with you not understanding right now (and am fully prepared to eat crow by season's end). Although, I hope my hatred for Vick has been made painfully obvious by now.

*My fall from grace prediction goes to Eli Manning. Just a hunch.

*My favorite bumpkin QB is Ryan Fitzpatrick, who sneaks his way into the top half of the list.

*My fluke of 2010 goes to Josh Freeman. I've counted him out many times before, and I will continue to do so. Nice fro though.

*The NFL's top backup, Detroit's Shaun Hill, would rank 14th on my list. Seriously.

*List of QB's who could be affected from last season's Playoffs: Cutler, Ryan, Roethlisberger (in that order).
*List of QB's who could be affected by offseason happenings: Garrard, Palmer, Orton (in that order).
*The answer to the QB with the highest NFL rating of all time (over 20 attempts) IS....Antwaan Randle El (career: 22-27, 323 yards, 6 TD's, 0 INT's, QB Rating of 156.1).

Old QB Rating vs. Total QB Rating

The unscientific, illogical, irrational results are in AND.....

Old QB Rating = Difference of 133 / 25 QB's = 5.32
Total QB Rating = Difference of 130 / 27 QB's = 4.81

Winner - Total QB Rating

Lets go eat a snack,
His dirkness