FanDuel NFL Week 6: Fuck, Marry, Kill

Gonna keep it short and (tooooooooo sweeeeeeeeeet), ahem, sweet this week. I'd just like to say, that whichever political party/candidate is more likely to keep FanDuel legal has my vote in 2016.
On to the Week 6 FMK's (find an older post for an explanation of the FMK's)...

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Quarterback

Fuck - Brian Hoyer ($6700) - Quick fact: The Houston Texans lead the NFL in plays run by a WIDE margin this season. They're basically playing at the Eagles pace we're all used to. And Hoyer put up good numbers his last two games.

Marry - Tom Brady ($9000) - Every week, baby. Get on the train and start making money. There's an interesting discussion to be had on whether the Patriots will air it out or keep it on the ground this week. Their last three games against the Colts were all extremely run heavy, but Indy's run defense is actually improved this year. Which means Brady might throw for 7 touchdowns on Sunday night.

Kill - Eli Manning ($7800) - Good spot against Philly but his top two WR's are both questionable and they play on MNF. Stay away this week.

Facebook pokes - Carson Palmer, Marcus Mariota, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Matthew Stafford

Running Back

Fuck - Lamar Miller ($6400) - Probably my most controversial pick of the week, so here me out. Joe Philbin HATED running the ball. The Dolphins new coach was a blocking TE in the NFL and looks the child of Ed Hochuli and Ronda Rousey. That dude is gonna want to run the ball. And while Lamar's numbers are horrifically bad, he's faced a lot of good run defenses and topped out at a mere 13 carries.

Marry - Eddie Lacy ($7300) - At a discount because he hasn't been scoring TD's, and the Chargers have the worst ypc Run D in the league.

Kill - Jeremy Hill ($6400) - Not sure what the deal is (fumbles, I think) but Hill has been surpassed by Giovanni Bernard as of late. And a bad matchup with the Bills. Here's your updated list of run defenses to avoid: Giants, Jets, Seahawks, Bills, Falcons, and maybe the Redskins.

Facebook pokes - Matt Forte, Dion Lewis, CJ Anderson (if you're man enough), Charcandrick West, Danny Woodhead

Wide Receiver

Fuck - Allen Robinson ($6700) - Robinson is like a high school girl, man. He keeps winning me money, but he stays the same age, er, price. He might be my most utilized player in FanDuel for the season.

Marry - AJ Green ($8100) - Cincy knows the way to beat Buffalo is through the air. Brady and Eli were able to accomplish just that. Dalton should be next. And AJG loves road games.

Kill - Randall Cobb ($8100) - Too TD dependent for me. Cobb has put up yardage totals of 23, 38 and 44 in three of his 5 games. And he's been questionable all season, so he might not be healthy.

Facebook pokes - DeAndre Hopkins, Calvin Johnson, Julian Edelman, TY Hilton, Larry Fitz, Kamar Aiken, Marquess Wilson

Tight End

Gronk - Antonio Gates ($5500) - That thing I said last week about waiting on Gates to see how he looks, well, he looked fantastic. Those PED's are really paying off.

Marry - Rob Gronkowski ($8200) - Must. Destroy. Colts. Sadly, this isn't worth any points in FanDuel yet.

Kill - Jimmy Graham ($6300) - He remains the second most expensive TE and there's absolutely no reason why.

Facebook pokes - Tyler Eifert, Martellus Bennett, Larry Donnell, Derek Carrier

Kicker

Fuck - Robbie Gould ($4500) - Favorite minimum K this week.

Marry - Brandon McManus ($4800) - Favorite top shelf K every week.

Kill - Adam Viniatieri ($5000) - Colts haven't been producing, and they could get trounced this week. Going against my much beloved revenge narrative here.

Defense

Fuck - Bengals ($4700) - Not a great week for Deez cheap nuts. I'm trying to atleast get up to this threshold, with Cincy more than likely drawing EJ Manuel. If you're looking super cheap, I like the Titans at home against the Dolphins.

Marry - Jets ($4800) - A tasty spot. At home against the human turnover machine, Kirk Cousins.

Kill - Texans ($4800) - The 4th highest priced defense is producing 2.4 points per game. Better send Watt back to the Jugs machine.

Facebook pokes - Titans, Vikings, Packers, Broncos

My #1 FanDuel Lineup

QB - Tom Brady

RB - Eddie Lacy

RB - Lamar Miller

WR - Larry Fitzgerald

WR - Allen Robinson

WR - Marquess Wilson

TE - Rob Gronkowski

K - Josh Brown

DEF - Jets

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Just one thing, Dude - do you have to use so many cuss words?

His Dirkness

Breaking Down the Chiefs 2011 Schedule (Part One)

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There's been a lot of talk surrounding the perceived difficulties of the Kansas City Chiefs 2011 schedule. I'm not buying it. And frankly, it's getting as annoying to listen to as Tim Tebow's daily depth chart updates. The only reason that it's even a concern is because the Chiefs had one of the easiest schedules of all time last season. This year, the schedule is just back to normal, that's all. So the next time you're at a party and Generic Chiefs Guy walks up to you and (inevitably) mentions the schedule in the first 30 seconds of the conversation, be sure to do all of us a favor, grab the nearest pie, and throw it at him.

Breaking down the Chiefs' 2011 opponents:

Week 1: Buffalo Bills
2010 Record: 4-12
Stock Watch: Sprouting
What's New: Mucho local ties as (former Chiefs Offensive Coordinator) Chan Chan the Man Man is gettin' Thiggy wit it in 2011. They also brought in The Hyphen, Brad Smith.
Outlook: If the Chiefs are serious about building on last year's success, the season opener at Arrowhead Stadium is a must win. However, the Bills should've beaten us at home last season and will be hungry for a victory.
Win Potential: 85%

Week 2: @Detroit Lions
2010 Record: 6-10
Stock Watch: Awakening
What's New: For starters, expectations for the Lions. Elsewhere, the Ndamukongs brought in a few nice additions (Jerome Harrison, Stephen Tulloch), but the biggest pickup was 1st rounder DT Nick Fairley (who might not yet be healthy by this game).
Outlook: This will be an excellent barometer of where both of these teams are at. The Lions will be a very popular pick as a team to surprise in 2011. There's no telling how this young group deals with expectations, but a good start will be pivotal. This is a bigger game for the Lions than it is the Chiefs.
Win Potential: 51%

Week 3: @San Diego Chargers
2010 Record: 9-7
Stock Watch: Surfacing
What's New: WR Vincent Jackson returns to the team full time (which will be huge), Takeo Spikes provides the defense with veteran leadership (which they sorely needed), and Bob Sanders could be the biggest signing of the offseason (IF he can stay healthy).
Outlook: If the Chiefs can go into this difficult road game at 2-0 (43.35% probability), they can play with a nothing to lose type of attitude. If not, this game will determine early season control of the AFC West. Either way, we won't have to watch Crodie Broyle squirm his way this game, so in a way, we all win.
Win Potential: 20%

Week 4: Minnesota Vikings
2010 Record: 6-10
Stock Watch: Trickling
What's New: Donovan F. McNasty, who is my preseason favorite for NFL Comeback Player of the Year. Also, the illustrious return of Jared Allen, who I would love to hurl obscenities at for 3 1/2 hours.
Outlook: This game seems like a gimme on paper, but it's level of sandwichness scares me. My biggest worry with this Chiefs team might be their (in)ability to stop the run. Well, Adrian Peterson is bound to get abused in an LJ type of way this year. Plus, I don't think the Chiefs have ever beaten a McNabb led team.
Win Potential: 68%

Week 5: @Indianapolis Colts
2010 Record: 10-6
Stock Watch: Descending
What's New: Peyton Manning done falled down and hurted his neck. His status for Week 1 is unknown as of now. Their offense will take some time to get in synch, but should be rounding into form around this time.
Outlook: The Chiefs missed their chance to send a message to the rest of the league by topping the Colts in Indy last season. A win this season would go a long ways towards legitimizing the Chiefs as an AFC powerhouse for the foreseeable future.
Win Potential: 30%

Week 6 BYE - The seemingly annual too-early-in-the-season bye week for the Chiefs. Most likely scenario at this point in the season: 3-2.

Week 7: @Oakland Raiders
2010 Record: 8-8
Stock Watch: Black Holed
What's New: Not a lot of additions to report here, but the team did lose 3 of their best players in Nnamdi Asomugha, Zach Miller, and Robert Gallery. Not to mention, they fired their head coach who seemed to finally bring some stability to the organization.
Outlook: This begins the easy portion of the schedule. The Chiefs should be favored in the next four games (before possibly being the underdog in the following 5). The game in Oak town always comes down to the wire, and I, for one, haven't forgotten the name Jacoby Ford.
Win Potential: 55%

Week 8: San Diego Chargers
2010 Record: 9-7
Stock Watch: Levitating
What's New: Didn't mention earlier that the team parted ways with Darren Sproley Poley.
Outlook: Monday Night Football. Halloween night. 100% chance I'll be in attendance with a Kentucky Tavern filled flask in my nantucket. If the Chiefs have aspirations of winning the AFC West this game is a must win (unless they shock them in Diego). KC's playoff fate might be known after these back to back toss up games.
Win Potential: 45%

Week 9: Miami Dolphins
2010 Record: 7-9
Stock Watch: Plummeting
What's New: All the news is at running back here. Ricky Williams and Ron Brown are gone. And in comes local boy Daniel Thomas (potential Offensive Rookie of the Year) and, wait for it.........Larry Johnson!
Outlook: The easiest game on the schedule for the Chiefs (followed by the next easiest the week after), the Dolphins should win no more than 5 games this season. If KC loses this one, they have no business even dreaming of the playoffs.
Win Potential: 90%

According to my calculations the Chiefs will sit at 4.44 - 3.56 at this point in the season. So if we're 4-3-1 you all owe me a burrito.

Top 10 NFL Over/Unders for 2011

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Vegas has recently released their over/unders for number of regular season wins for each NFL team. Some of them seem particularly juicy, well I wouldn't touch some of the others with Visanthe Shiancoe's pole.

But since I so desperately aspire to be a gambling junkie, I'm gonna let all my Crodies in on the 10 sure bets on the lot. There will be actual money put down on these teams from Sir Dirkness. And I expect to be atleast 5 bucks richer by season's end. Without further ado...

Top 10 NFL Over/Unders for 2011:

1. Miami Dolphins +/- 7.5 wins ~ UNDER

First off, Chad Henne is their quarterback (who I, at first, believed in until I heard that he publicly complained about facing competition for his job). So this year, Henne is hearing "We want Orton" chants at training camp, which Henne claimed "hurt his feelings" (not that there's anything wrong with that). Oy. I'm not ripping the guy for being sensitive, but that's not what I want to hear from my team's QB. Outside of that, the Dolphins lost Ronnie Brown, Ricky Williams, AND Tyler Thigpen and added almost nobody of note (Reggie Bush has been zung).

Potential pitfall: Anchored by Jake Long, the Dolphins' offensive line might have one of the best in the NFL.

Projected record: 5-11


2. New Orleans Saints +/- 10 wins ~ OVER

I absolutely love the Saints this year, who are flying so far underground that no radar can pick them up because of the Eagles and Packers in the NFC. The Saints drafted Mark Ingram to solidify their running game (and Sproles), and beefed up their defensive interior with Aubrayo Franklin and Shaun Rogers. And they were the most active team in organizing offseason activities, an unknown X-factor impacting the 2011 season. This team might go 10-6, but they aren't going 9-7 or worse (barring an injury to Brees).

Potential Pitfall: Their cornerbacks are the only potential position of weakness I can find on this team.

Projected record: 13-3


3. Washington Redskins +/- 6.5 wins ~ UNDER

Rex Grossman. John Beck. Tim Hightower. Ryan Torain. Santana Moss. Jabar Gaffney. These are the key skill position contributors for the team (I could've just stopped after Beck). They play in perhaps the toughest division in the NFL. And nobody there seems to be responding to Mantanahan just yet.

(Note: This is the most lopsided action of any over/unders for the 32 teams).

Potential Pitfall: They play each of the NFC West teams. So they might win 4 games?

Projected Record: 4-12


4. San Diego Chargers +/- 9.5 wins ~ OVER

Shitty, I know, but I think the Chargers are pissed off about last season. I don't think they believed anybody could top them in the AFC West, and their play from last season proved so. I think they play this season with something to prove from the get go. Vincent Jackson returns, and the quiet additions of Bob Sanders, Takeo Spikes, and Travis LaBoy could be huge. And this is my best effort at a reverse jinx.

Potential Pitfall: All together now.....NORV TURNER! While he may not be our only hope, he certainly is our best hope, Obi Wan.

Projected Record: 11-5

5. San Francisco 49ers +/- 7.5 wins ~ UNDER

The Alex Smith suckfest continues. I can't imagine how tired 9ers fans are of this guy. It's his 7th year in the league! And he hasn't been good for any of them! And he's not even really in competition for his job right now! And....that's enough. This reeks of a team that inserts a rookie QB by midseason, in this case, Colin Kaepernick (he ain't gonna get it done). Initially, I hesitated due to Jim Harbaught, but then I remembered college coaches never do good in the NFL.

Potential Pitfall: Again, the NFC West conundrum, where it seems like any of the teams could put a few pieces together and win 8 games.

Projected Record: 5-11

6. Indianapolis Colts +/- 9.5 wins ~ OVER

This feels like easy money. Almost like it's too good to be true. I'm almost skeptical because Vegas knows more than everybody else most of the time. However, do you know the last season the Colts finished with under 10 wins? It was 2001. Really the only question is...

Potential Pitfall: Peyton Manning's injury. He has yet to practice this year, and will most likely not play in a single preseason game. I think this slows down their juggernaut offense, but doesn't completely kill it. The pieces are more of the same from last season, which should help. It's hard to imagine the Colts not in the playoffs.

Projected Record: 10-6

7. Minnesota Vikings +/- 6.5 wins ~ OVER

I believe in Donovan F. McNabb (as my QB rankings would lead you to believe). I'll always bet on players that have a lot to prove, in which case, McNasty has more than just about anybody in the league. His receivers aren't great, but they never were in Philly either (but he does have good TE's, ala the Pheagles). Oh, and they have this Adrian Peterson dude. Their D ain't great (because Jared Allen sucks now), but it doesn't have to be to reach 7 wins.

Potential Pitfall: The dreaded bad start/rookie QB combo that might occur with Christian Ponder waiting in the wings (at which point they would have no shot at 7 wins).

Projected Record: 8-8

8. Buffalo Bills +/- 5.5 wins ~ OVER

Call it a love of the bumpkin QB, but I can't get enough of the Ryan Fitzpatrick, Kyle Orton, or Shaun Hill trio (the most underrated QB's in the league). I think Chan Gailey goes mad scientist this year with Brad Smith, CJ Spiller, and Tyler Thigpen at his disposal (all taking snaps at QB). Prediction: You might see a freshly unwrapped, innovative, dazzling offense out of the Bills this season, a system that stems from Gailey's time in KC with the Thigboner. Sorta Vermeil-esque.

Potential Pitfall: Well, they're the Biffalo Buffs, and they haven't smelled success in a while. I'll be damned if they're not better than the Dolphins though.

Projected Record: 9-7

9. Green Bay Packers +/- 11.5 wins ~ UNDER

It's hard to sustain success in the NFL. Everybody will be gunning for the defending champs. Not to mention, they didn't even win 12 games last season. The big question is if the time off from the Lockout will help them or hurt them. In one corner, they didn't have the coaches in their ear, preaching to forget about being champs all offseason. In the other corner...

Potential Pitfall: There has been less time for other teams in the NFL to make significant strides, leading one to believe that the Pack would still be the best team in the league.

Projected Record: 11-5

10. Detroit Lions +/- 7.5 wins ~ OVER

My team for 2011. I like Stafford at QB (and I like Shaun Hill even more at backup QB). I like the backfield combo of Best and Harrison. I like the pickups of Justin Durant and Stephen Tulloch at LB. And I LOVE the combo of Ndominant World Order (NwO) and Piggie Fairley in the middle of that defense (even though Fairley is hurt, he should be back for Week 1). My only hesitation is that 7.5 wins is a pretty high number. I must not be the only one on the bandwagon.

Potential Pitfall: Well, they're the Detroit Lions! There's a definite mental hurdle they'll need to clear, preferably early in the season.

Projected Record: 10-6

Sorry I'm not home right now, I'm walking in the spiderwebs,

His Dirkness

Ranking the Playoff Teams

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This is the follow up article to yesterday's Ranking of the Playoff Quarterbacks piece.

The criteria for today's rankings of the playoff teams are based on their chances to win the Super Bowl. This means that even if I have one team above another on this list, that doesn't necessarily mean that I'd pick that team to win that particular game. It just means they'd have a better chance at winning it all. Potential plays a great role in these rankings.

Take it with you......

1. Pittsburgh Steelers- Whaaa? Not the Patriots?!? Nope, no sir, unh-uh. While I acknowledge the advantage the Patriots hold on the offensive side of the ball, as well as the homefield advantage, I cannot go against the best defense in the league. Combine that with a 2-time Super Bowl winning quarterback, and a team that's peaking at the right time, and you have my Super Bowl XLV favorites. Remember, the only reason the Steelers missed the playoffs last year was because Troy Polamalu (the best player in the NFL) got hurt, at which point they fell apart. I'm sure in their minds, they are still the defending Super Bowl champs.

2. New England Patriots- I really believe the Super Bowl may be decided in the AFC Championship Game between the Steelers and Patriots (haven't we been there before?). New England has overachieved all season long, which is a testament to their coaching. They are not a great team. However, they have played great (there's a difference). Now, if they continue to play at that same level, then they will most likely win the Super Bowl, but it is very difficult to maintain that level throughout the NFL playoffs, when you get every team's best shot. This team does feel a lot more like the Patriots teams of old that won Super Bowls, as opposed to the Patriots teams of recent, who have dominated stat sheets, but come up short in the playoffs.

3. New Orleans Saints- Yes, I declare a team that will have to win 3 road games in order to advance to the Super Bowl the favorites in the NFC. I don't believe in either of the teams with bye weeks in the NFC (the exact opposite of the AFC). The Saints are the one team with Super Bowl experience (besides the Seahawks, but they don't count), which goes a long way in the NFL. They are banged up at the running back position, but since when has that been an issue for the Saints? In fact, it's best to feed a back (even if lesser skilled) with fresh legs this time of year (Shonn Greene last season). And don't forget that they are hypothetically the 5th team with a bye week in these playoffs, with their Seattle draw in the opening round.

4. Atlanta Falcons- No, I'm not fully sold on Matt Ryan's iciness. No, I don't believe the Falcons boast a Super Bowl quality defense (although John Abraham would be the reason they could). I think I got overly soured on the Falcons when Merrill Hoge started spouting off about how the only rushing attack better than the Chiefs was that of the Atlanta Falcons. I'm sorry but 1st > 12th, 164.2 > 118.2, and 4.7 > 3.8. All that said, I will be rooting for Tony G to experience some postseason success for the first time in his career. I should like these Falcons, but I just don't. The good news for the Falcons is that I said most of these same things about the New Orleans Saints last season, and things turned out alright for them.

5. Philadelphia Eagles- Has Michael Vick run out of magic? Or was he a little hampered by injuries that have since healed with his week off? If he returns to his midseason form, then the Eagles could become Super Bowl favorites. The problem is, I haven't seen it for a handful of weeks now. I don't think Vick will ever stay healthy for an entire season again if he continues to put his body in harm's way. However, DeSean Jackson (most explosive player in the NFL), Trent Cole (could be NFL's most underrated player), and Asante Samuel (NFL's best playoff CB) give the Eagles the necessary components to make a run. Remember the rules of Andy Reid though: His teams never lose following a bye week (last week was basically a bye week for the Eagles), and he's one of the worst in-game managers in the NFL (forgets that running the ball is an option, challenges are always an adventure, really needs to hire a 25 year old Madden player as a consultant).

6. Green Bay Packers- The Intercontinental Champion (Rodgers) is looking to join the big boys and become the Heavyweight Champion of the World (seriously, Rodgers must've been a huge WWF fan with all his belt signaling). The Packers are easy to figure out, but tough to solve. They can throw the ball around the schoolyard (extraordinarily good YAC!), play stout defense (surprisingly 2nd in the NFL in points allowed), and can't run the ball worth a lick (Hi, I'm John Kuhn). So in order for Rodgers to make the Shawn Michaels leap (besides Superkicking Marty Jannetty through a glass window-check out that mullet), he'll have to be near perfect (very possible).

7. Baltimore Ravens- The Ravens are all about intimidation. If you can get past their scary superficialities, and look deep down into their souls, then they can be beaten. But that's no easy task. They're strategy is to hit you in the mouth and make you beg for mercy in the 1st quarter. They want to make you think you can't run the ball on them, and gobble up turnovers when you believe that fact. They want you to feel that murder is a real possibility with them, but.....well, nevermind. The Ravens force more teams to fold than any other team in the NFL, but teams that have what it takes to stand up to them can defeat them. Also, Joe Flacco's unibrow is heinous.

8. Indianapolis Colts- The similarities between the Colts 2007 Super Bowl Championship team and this year's team are there: 3 seeds, improved run defense over the course of the season, and struggling through their worst regular seasons of the Peyton is God era. However, the similarities end there. Peyton isn't what he used to be. Dallas Clark isn't walking through those doors. Bob Sanders is in an old folks home somewhere. Jim Caldwell is as pointless as a circle. The Colts could beat the Patriots but could not, would not, beat the Steelers.

9. Chicago Bears- I've doubted da Bears throughout the entirety of the season, and I ain't about to quit now. Butt Ugly Jay Cutler is gonna try and do too much and most likely cost the Bears their first playoff game. Anybody remember how he blew the Broncos' playoff opportunities year after year? Man, I do. It was great. However, I am very impressed by the Bears defense, and would probably rank them 2nd behind the Steelers in that category. Also, playoff games in Chicago are always fun. I like the cold, the good fans, and the overwhelming sense of doom that runs throughout the stadium when anything bad happens.

10. New York Jets- Anybody else tired of Rex Ryan's schtick? We get it Rex, you think your team is great, and you can't wait to tell us all about it. I can't wait till your team encounters major adversity and starts to doubt the bullcorn you've been feeding them since you took over. I'm calling Sexy Rexy doesn't last two more years after this season. He might even get fired before then on account of podophilia (8 year olds, Dude). I also can't wait to see Sanchez blow it, L.T. sit out another playoff game, Santonio Holmes celebrate in the midst of an ass-kicking, Bill Callahan make his face like he's about to yawn, or Antonio Cromartie conceive another child during halftime of one of their games.

11. Kansas City Chiefs- Hate to put my beloved Chiefs this low on the list, but they would have to go through #7, #1, and #2 (most likely) just to even get there. I believe the Chiefs could be better than half of the teams in the NFC, but aren't fortunate enough to share the same path. It was very interesting hearing Trent Dilfer (ESPN's best TV guy) on The Sports Guy's podcast this week utter these surprising words, "I think the Chiefs could really give the Patriots some problems." I almost fell back in my chair at work (crashing into all the finest cheap vodkas we have to offer here at Kreitzer Liquors) when I heard that. His explanation centered around Romeo Crennel being able to control Brady. Now all I want is that opportunity to see if he could possibly be right. Dear 6 pound 8 ounce baby Jesus (I like to picture Jesus as an ice dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life), please let this happen.

12. Seattle Seahawks- It will be interesting to see if the Seahawks can ride their homefield momentum wave enough to even draw close to the New Orleans Saints. I'm secretly very excited for this game just because of how much this Seabags team has been mocked nationally throughout the week. Aside from that, I would create a rule that says a team must win atleast 9 games to represent your division in the playoffs. In addition, a team would have to win 10 games in order to host a playoff game. This would end the silly charade of a team like Seattle hosting a playoff game in the future, and would create more purpose for late season games that would be lacking meaning without this rule. Win-win.

Go Chiefs!

His Dirkness

NFL Parity and Power Rankings

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It's the return (the turn, turn). The return (turn, turn). It's the return. It's. The. Return. You're welcome OutKast fans. Thankfully, the aspect that the NFL strives to promote so greatly has returned to the league for the 2010 season: Parity.

After watching the Patriots and Colts dominate the AFC for the last ten years, and lasting through the undefeated stints of the Saints (13-0) and Colts (14-0) in 2009, the 2010 NFL season is void of any true favorite (Yes, the Patriots, Colts, and Saints are still around, but not in the same dominating ways of the past). This is when the NFL thrives. It's a league that depends on the names on the front of the jersey. And it's a league that's designed to give every team a chance at the Super Bowl. We remember the 1999 Rams as fondly as the 49ers/Cowboys/Patriots dynasties.

Despite promoting parity, there has been a certain disparity in the league the last ten years. It seems nobody was ready to handle the salary cap upon its inception in the mid 90's. Teams didn't understand how to build around the cap, which ensured that great teams didn't last more than a handful of years. Then the Patriots and Colts figured things out, got star QB's, and broke the NFL mold by contending for championships every year. Since then, teams have slowly caught up (although, still not all the way), and their franchise QB's have grown older. Suddenly new quarterbacks are mentioned in the same breath (Brees, Rivers, Rodgers, Thigpen - still nobody mentions Ben Roth Biglisberger).

This will inevitably lead to an exciting finish to the season with all the close division races, and a playoffs that's wide open to all 12 teams (well, 11, minus the NFC West winner). So when all you young'in's are ordering rounds of shots this weekend, make sure you toast to parity, the most underrated aspect in all of sports, and the difference between a good NFL season and a great NFL season (there are no bad NFL seasons, although 2009 was as close as it gets).

Previous NFL Power Rankings:

• Week 3
• Week 7

Week 13 NFL Power Rankings:

1. Atlanta Falcons
2. Pittsburgh Steelers
3. New Orleans Saints
4. New York Jets
5. New England Patriots
6. Philadelphia Eagles
7. Green Bay Packers
8. Baltimore Ravens
9. San Diego Chargers
10. Chicago Bears
11. New York Giants
12. Kansas City Chiefs
13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
14. Indianapolis Colts
15. Miami Dolphins
16. Jacksonville Jaguars
17. Cleveland Browns
18. Oakland Raiders
19. Washington Redskins
20. St. Louis Rams
21. Houston Texans
22. Buffalo Bills
23. Tennessee Titans
24. Minnesota Vikings
25. Seattle Seabags
26. Detroit Lions
27. Dallas Cowboys
28. San Francisco 49ers
29. Denver Broncos
30. Arizona Cardinals
31. Cincinnati Bengals
32. Carolina Panthas

Power Ranking Statistical Analysis:

Biggest Risers (compared to my Week 7 Rankings):
1. San Diego Chargers +14
2. Cleveland Browns +12
2. Oakland Raiders +12
4. Jacksonville Jaguars +11
5. Buffalo Bills +10
5. Chicago Bears +10

Biggest Fallers:
1. Tennessee Titans -14
2. Cincinnati Bengals -12
3. Minnesota Vikings -10
4. Seattle Seahawks -8
5. Indianapolis Colts -7

Most Overrated Teams (compared against ESPN's Power Rankings):
1. Baltimore Ravens -4
2. Tennessee Titans -4
3. Houston Texans -4

Most Underrated Teams:
1. Cleveland Browns +7
2. Detroit Lions +5
2. Buffalo Bills +5

H'dirkness

2010 Kansas City Chiefs (3-1) Thoughts

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I'd like to start by saying the Chiefs satisfied all of my expectations against the Colts, a Super Bowl team in a near must-win situation at home. I sense people freaking out a little bit today, perhaps because we had such a good chance to win the game, but I assure you we need not. Lets just dive right into the thoughts....


~Most people are fretting over our unconventional wisdom used in attempt to win the game. I liked (didn't love) the opening onside kick (which would've been recovered if not for a bad bounce and backwards roll-possibly the first thing that didn't go our way this season). I didn't like (but understand why) we went for it on 4th down on our opening drive, believing that field goals weren't going to be enough to win this game. Haley may have felt a bit overmatched in the game, and found it necessary to take those risks to give us a chance. If we learned anything from the game, it was that we weren't inferior to the Colts. Haley was incorrect in his thinking prior to the game although I don't fault him for thinking that way. I thought the same way. And the fact that we weren't overmatched is great news.

Next I'll address the two goats from Sunday...

~Goat #1- Matt Cassel- He is what we thought he was. All of Cassel's problems stem from a lack of experience. Remember he didn't play a lick in college, so he's entering his third season as a starter since high school, which is behind where most rookies are when coming into the NFL. Is this a defense of him? Kinda. He needs experience. The problem is, if we give him the experience, I don't think the payoff is worth it. So I'm ready to move on from him, only a solution isn't to be had until the season is over. This means constantly complaining about him isn't the answer. As fans, supporting him is all we can do. Despite the temporary enjoyment booing provides, it isn't the answer. If things got bad enough, and they'd have to be pretty bad, I would consider giving Crodie Broyle a shot, but we'd have to be pretty desperate.

~Goat #2- Dwayne Bowe- Obviously, the drop was a killer for this game. Obviously, he needs to make the catch. Should we stop throwing to him? No. I'd throw it to him more. Almost inexplicably, I believe D-Bowe is going to make up for it. Just call it a hunch. We will be singing Bowe's praises before the end of this season. We can't afford to get rid of him, he's all we've got. You would really see a lack of a passing game if we ridded ourselves of him. The troubling part of his drop was how well he went through all of the motions prior to (not) hauling it in. It's just a matter of concentration. I know he's on everyone's last nerve, but sometimes patience can pay off dearly.

How about some heroes from the game, most of whom reside on the defensive side of the ball...

~Glenn Dorsey- This man has developed into a beast. He's all over the field. I'm convinced he is the next Richard Seymour. Remember, this is only his second year at this position, and he has been rapidly improving. A few more years of that and he'll find himself at a Pro Bowl. Romeo Crennel is a defensive line guru, given the improvement of all the linemen from last year to this year. This should also give us hope for the future of Tyson Jackson, who has been less than impressive in his year and a game thus far.

~Tamba Hali- Searched frantically for a picture of Hali bleeding profusely and rubbing it all over Peyton Manning while screaming, "You don't know where I've been!" ala Tyler Durden. Couldn't find it. I'm not sure if he was chewing glass during the game or ceremoniously bit the head off of an animal during halftime, but he should keep doing it. The man singlehandedly rattled Peyton Manning and dominated the 3rd quarter. Also, he has finally earned the nickname that I've been saving for him, Muhammad Hali.

~Branden Albert- The question mark has been detached from Albert's label as a Left Tackle. He dominated Dwight Freeney on Sunday. Freeney made a nice play on a Charles draw (which wasn't Albert's fault) and drew a (bogus) holding penalty on Albert. Don't remember hearing his name another time. Also, Albert didn't mind me interrupting his quiet dinner with three lovely ladies following the NBA game in KC on Monday night, which you have to respect.

~Brandon Flowers- It's time for this kid to start getting mentioned along the top cornerbacks in the game. Does he even allow completions anymore? If he's not playing the week before the Super Bowl this year, it'll be a crime. I could not be more excited about his matchup with the best WR in the NFL, Andre Johnson, next week. Can he handle his height and strength?

~Other unsung bright spots from Sunday's game:

• Jon McGraw- Usually saved for punchline status, he filled a nice role shutting down Dallas Clark most of the day. He even picked off a pass and then searched for the first Colt to softly coddle him to the ground.
• Brandon Carr- Did a solid job opposite B-Flow, almost had a one-handed INT in the end zone, and played a few passes as well as he could before they were ultimately caught.
• Brian Waters- Anybody notice him step in at Left Tackle when Albert missed a series due to injury? I believe we ran to the opposite side of the line on those plays, but the versatility is awfully impressive.
• Wallace Gilberry- Is it me or does this dude make a big play every game? LOVE me some Wallace Dean Gilberry (eh eh?)
• Derrick Johnson- He done played good.

I love where the Chiefs are at and loved watching the team take part in a nationally relevant game. And I love how mentally soft the San Diego Chargers proved to be in their loss to Oakland, making our loss all but a wash in the division. I saw more things to like out of our team on Sunday than things not to like. My biggest question now is how do we respond to a loss? Can we keep our confidence about ourselves? I'll be in Houston, to find out for sure, in a very winnable game against a struggling Texans team.

Dirkness

The Evolution of NFL Picks~AFC

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The NFL is the most constantly evolving sport in the world. It achieves success through great parody, a trait that all other leagues are jealous of (except for the NBA, which strives for the opposite). So why can't my predictions evolve along with the season (Original predictions here)? I got a chance to watch a lot of other teams during the Chiefs bye week, and assess just how much better the Chiefs are than all of them. After all, they are the last undefeated team in the NFL (odds of that: 1000/1).

So I will be taking a look back at my preseason predictions and adjusting wherever necessary. And we will be presenting the revised predictions the only way I know how, Family Feud style, with our host, Charles Darwin, the "Father of Evolution." Let the games begin...


AFC EAST

Initial Prediction: Miami Dolphins
Evolved Prediction: Charles Darwin SAYS.....New York Jets
Explanation: I was all set to potentially hand it to the Patriots and then...they traded who? Randy Moss? WHAT?!?!?!?! Bill Belichick has grown so incredibly arrogant in trying to win trades with teams and arguments with players that he has lost total sight of the big picture. Yes, it's a good trade because they'd be losing him after this year and they're getting compensation for him while they can. But, in a season with seemingly no dominant team, they threw away any chance they had at making a run for a title. So enjoy your 3rd round picks and your playoff losses (if you make it that far) Billy Boy. It's looking more and more likely that Scott Pioli was the long-term mastermind behind the Patriots. YES!!! Oh and by the way, the Vikings play the Patriots on Halloween. When I reached Randy Moss on twitter and asked him if he had any regrets on his Patriots tenure, he simply replied, "Next time I show my di......" Whoa, Randy, easy tiger. This is a family blog.

Oh yea, the Jets. I wasn't buying them before the season one iota. I got one leg up on the bandwagon now, though. Sanchez has been much better than I anticipated and LaTom is doing some work. And to tie everything together, The Jets now play the Vikings on Monday Night Football this week in a Moss-Revis rematch where shiite talking has already commenced. I'm predicting Moss goes off for 150 and touchdowns.

AFC NORTH

Initial Prediction: Cincinnati Bengals
Evolved Prediction: Chales Darwin SAYS.....Pittsburgh Steelers
Explanation: Darwin has a hold of me man. He makes some pretty strong points. We just got done discussing how the Steelers are probably the Super Bowl favorites right now. And Troy Polamalu is the most valuable non-quarterback in the NFL. Their defense is dominating teams like Ben Roethlisberger dominates women. Whoa, you can't say that. Just remember, those are Darwin's words, not mine.

AFC SOUTH

Initial Prediction: Indianapolis Colts
Evolved Prediction: Charles Darwin SAYS....Annhhhh....Indianapolis Colts
Explanation: I'm not fully sold on the Texans or the Titans overtaking the Colts yet. I think Indy's struggles continue, but they gut out the division title with something like a 10-6 record.

Semi Chiefs/Colts preview: I think the Chiefs can hang with them, as long as they don't get behind at all. There's a definite chance for a 41-10 blowout if the Colts get rolling. But, we match up well with them. Our secondary is strong to match up with their passing game. Our strong running game should be able to pound their weak run defense. Why can't we compete with them? Everybody is worried about them coming off of a loss, but Peyton is at his worst under immense pressure (PLAYOFFS?!?), and all of a sudden, their regular season is filled with pressure games. I'm not ready to pick the Chiefs, but I think we have a strong chance of winning, probably a better shot than at the Texans the next week. Oh, and I have pledges all over town that I'm doing naked cartwheels in the street if we win. Pictures available on this site.

AFC WEST

Initial Prediction: San Diego Chargers
Evolved Prediction: Charles Darwin SAYS.....Kansas City CHIEFS!!!
Explanation: This is a completely unbiased evolutionary process that is taking place. Natural selection is a better explanation. Or as Justin Timberlake eloquently puts it in The Social Network, "This is our time." Yea, Justin is right! If I can change, and J.T. can change, then everyone can change. Besides, everybody is tired of the whiny ass female doggs that play in San Diego. You're done, saun.


NFC Evolution Post coming later this week.....

His Dirkness