NFL Power Rankings ~ Week 8

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Previous Rankings

Preseason

Week 3

Week 8 Powah Rankin's

The Juggernaut

1. Green Bay Packers - Hard to argue right now. Still waiting to see that adversity though. I'll be impressed if and when it comes and goes.

The Buffalo Bills 4-peaters

2. Pittsburgh Steelers - That's what happens when you give a good team playing at home no chance all week long.

3. Buffalo Bills - Extremely impressed by their resume. Even their loss to the Bengals doesn't seem so bad now.

4. New Orleans Saints - I kneaux, I kneaux. It doesn't make sense, but I refuse to believe this team is as bad as they sheauxed.

5. New York Giants - Can't believe nobody's talking about the team playing in the nation's biggest city in the NFL's premier division.

6. Baltimore Ravens - They're gonna be 'that' team. Could see them stomping Pittsburgh for a second time, and then losing to Cleveland to miss the playoffs.

The Hova - Rateds

7. New England Patriots - Can you imagine the number of Super Bowls they'd have if Bill Belichick still believed in defense?

8. San Francisco 49ers - Seven games doesn't erase seven years of memories of Alex Smith.

9. Detroit Lions - Annoying frontrunners. So full of themselves that they'll fold if they're not clicking on all cylinders. I see a lack of grit. Want things handed to them.

My Sleeper

10. Houston Texans - Have a chance to rack up wins in a cake division in a conference without an elite team. Sounds dangerous to me. Stayed afloat with Andre Johnson out.

The Derek Fucking Foreals?

11. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Haven't played up to par but there's something about this team. I think Josh Freeman wins a Super Bowl in his career.

12. Kansas City Chiefs - Actually have a worse point differential (-42) on the season than the 1-6 Arizona Cardinals (-40).

13. Cincinnati Bengals - Placed a $12.50 bet on them to win the AFC North. Pays out $1,000 for the win. No, I'm not shitting you. You can literally go on BetUS.com and make the same bet right now (this is legal right?).

The Old n' Borings

14. New York Jets - CAN'T WAIT till somebody shuts Rex Ryan up for good.

15. Atlanta Falcons - There's nobody I root harder against for no apparent reason than Matt Ryan.

16. San Diego Chargers - No team receives more unjust due than the Chargers. Everybody just face it - they aren't good.

The NFC Queefs

17. Dallas Cowboys - Can't figure out how they're not good. They should be good right? Yea, they will be good. Lets go ahead and put them in the playoffs.

18. Philadelphia Eagles - Remind me of the 2004 Kansas City Chiefs. Horrible start, capable of blowing teams out, but never really had "it."

19. Washington Redskins - Won't forgive them for benching my boy, G-Rex.

The Please Don't Make Me Watch Em's

20. Chicago Bears - They're doing the smart thing by not paying Matt Forte. Because...

21. Tennessee Titans - You might never see an NFL team pay a running back again after this Chris Johnson (CJ2.8) display.

The Must See TV Team of Whom I Haven't Even Seen Yet

22. Carolina Panthers - CAAAAMMMMMM!!! Still hasn't received the necessary credit for single-handedly dominating College Football last year. Thank you pointless NCAA allegations!

Good and Evil

23. Oakland Raiders - Carson Palmer is going to flop HARD. Remember when he sucked for the last five years? Yea, me too.

24. Denver Broncos - Who'll be the first person to personalize a Tebow '666' jersey? Hey now. You stay classy, Dirkness.

The Mighty Fiesties

25. Jacksonville Jaguars - Good defense. How bout that?

26. Minnesota Vikings - Christian Ponder eh? Whatever...

27. Miami Dolphins - I literally believe there are five worse teams than the 0-7 Dolphins.

Six to Threes

28. Cleveland Browns - No team's record will be more inflated with unimpressive wins than Nick Wright's Cleveland Browns.

49er Fodder

29. Seattle Seahawks - Where 67,000 > 53.

30. St. Louis Rams - What would you give up for Sam Bradford? A first rounder? Could be the funnest NFL discussion of the offseason.

31. Arizona Cardinals - Hey Larry Fitz, are you enjoy the Kevin Kolb era?

The Cheaters

32. Indianapolis Colts - I'll hate them as much as I can hate a team if they get Andrew Luck. I wonder if they're still pumping in fake crowd noise when they're trying to lose?

His Dirkness

Baseball Playoff Predictions

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Ay. I feel like making predictions for a sport I don't know a whole hell of a lot about. I always feel when I'm making my NCAA Tournament picks that some guy who knows nothing about College Basketball stands a better chance than me. This is my chance to be that guy.

Plus I'm motivated by what was the best 10 minutes of baseball I've watched since the 2004 ALCS (that was between the Yanks and the Sox). Here's what happened to my interest though: The Red Sox won the World Series, and immediately became as unlikeable as the Yankees. This left me with nobody to root for in this rivalry. And since half of ESPN's coverage is devoted to this overrated conflict (yea I said it), I have little choice but to ignore the sport that I've little interest in (probably because I never played it and the Royals have always sucked).

This is what will happen.

Tampa Bay over Texas in 6 4

The Devil Rays are hot. The Rangers did good last year I think. Seems obvious. Especially after seeing everybody on ESPN.com take the Rangers. Idiots.

Detroit over NY Yankees in 7 5

This Turdlander dude from the Tigers seems like the real deal. He wins Game 7 5 in New Yahk. The Yankees aren't even fun to hate anymore, they're just boring.

Milwaukee over Arizona in 5 4

Brewers seem rough. Prince Fielder (The Vegetarian Bomber) has a swagger to him. Ryan Braun wore a leather jacket on an episode of PTI, and passes the Sportscenter test (good highlights, game winning plays). I'm gonna go ahead and root for the Brew Crew in these playoffs. 

Philadelphia over St. Louis in 5 3

This is gonna piss my buddy Brockoli Jones off to no end, but the Phillies are getting to the World Series at the very least. Their pitchers are way better than everybody else's. 

*so apparently baseball begins the playoffs with 5 game serieseses

His dirkliness

NBA Finals Preview

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It has slowly dawned on me that I am about to hate everything associated with the Miami Heat. That's what happens with your team's opponent in a series with these implications on the line. It's very easy to hate a team in the NBA. Everybody whines. Everybody flops. If there's a team that you want to hate, you will hate them. And I want to hate the Miami Heat. I've been on the fence with them throughout most of the season because I loved the intrigue they brought to the NBA's regular season. But the regular season is no longer. My hatred has slowly grown throughout the playoffs, with what I perceive as unearned knob-slobbing. But my hatred is nowhere near where it's about to be. I already cannot stand watching these little videos about them on ESPN, hearing them complain about how nobody likes them, sounding like a bunch of school boy bitches. I look forward to my hatred though. Cheering for the Heat was fun for a little while, but I doubt I'll ever be able to go back to rooting for them after this series. I find myself glad that fate intervened and forced my hatred for Miami Heat.

If you haven't kept up with me this week be sure to read my previous write ups before tonight's Game 1:

The Key to the Dallas Mavericks' Success
Top 10 Reasons to be Excited for NBA Finals
Why you should Root for Dirk and the Mavs

On to the series....

Lebron v. Dirk - Let me start by saying that Lebron will have to outplay Dirk for the Heat to win the NBA Championship. Dirk has more help around him and the Mavs could survive an off game from him more easily than the Heat could 'Bron. If the Heat decide to double Dirk, he won't put up big numbers because he'll simply look to pass out of it every time. The Heat will throw a number of bodies at him including Chris Bosh (who plays defense Like a Bosh), Udonis Randy Mosslem (had success in 2006), and yes, even Lebronius. I'm a tiny bit afraid that 'Bron will find success in defending Dirk. He's got the perfect body frame to do so. However, he can't guard him the whole game (he'd wear out), but if he finds success, you might see Lebron on Dirk at the ends of games (oh, what a sight). The Mavs will put Shawn Marion on 'Bron for starters, but they will throw a number of different looks at him. The Mavs play more zone than anybody in the NBA (expect a lot of it), and at the end of the Thunder series actually had Kidd (who leads the NBA Playoffs in steals) guarding Durant, while Marion took Westbrook (never would've guessed that to begin with). The two stars very well could decide this series, but I think it's 'Bron who is the bigger deciding factor for his team (see how I just took all the pressure off Dirk there?).

Mavs' biggest problem - If the Miami Heat go small. If 'Bron finds success covering Dirk on the defensive end, the Heat will have the option to play him at the 4 spot, which creates mega matchup problems for the Mavs (Dirk ain't covering Lebron - side note - have we ever established if the B in Lebron is supposed to be capitalized?). They'd be forced to take Tyson Chandler out of the game, and when that happened against the Thunder, they scored on a number of easy shots. Dirk would be forced to cover Bosh (a mismatch in itself), and the Mavs would be without their defensive intimidator (Dirk cannot protect the rim or rebound well enough). Hopefully, Eric Spoelstra isn't smart enough to see this, or I'm wrong in my prediction, but keep an eye out for the Heat going small in this series.

Heat's biggest problem - JJ Barea. I'm 97% convinced that it's nearly impossible to shut down Barea on his offensive end. The way you take him out of the game is by capitalizing on his defensive short-comings (pun alert). If a guard has any sort of a post game, he will simply abuse The Streakin' Rican. However, the Heat's options at point guard don't pose much of a threat. Neither Mario Chalmers or Mike Bibby have any kind a post game. I'm expecting to see a lot of Barea in this series (also a lot of DeShawn Stevenson, who held DWade to 2 points in 30 minutes in the regular season. Although, I don't think this is a good series for Peja Stojanky Nuts, who cannot keep up with Wade or Bron). I do believe Barea has an outside shot at Finals MVP (rare enough, that I can't even get betting odds on it).

Heat strategery - Run Lola, run. The Heat have a decided advantage in team speed and overall athleticism. If the game turns into an up and down game, that strongly favors the younger Heat, considering they have two of the best transition players to ever play the game (Chalmers and Mike Miller, of course). Although, the Mavs have played a pretty up tempo game so far in these playoffs, so it'll be interesting to see if they purposely try and slow the game down.

Mavs strategery - Offensive efficiency. There has been a lot of talk about the defense of the Miami Heat, but they have yet to face an offense as versatile and effective as the Dirks. The Mavs pride themselves on always getting good shots, which begins and ends with Jason Kidd (literally because he's become such a good jump shooter out of nowhere). If they decide to double Dirk, he will look to pass out of it every time, most likely leading to a 3 point bomb from one of their many snipers - and the list is long - Terry, Barea, Kidd, Stojanky, hopefully not DeShawn.

Dwyane Wade - DWizzly looked very pedestrian in the Eastern Conference finals. If he puts up anything like that in these NBA Finals, the Heat will be toast. The Mavs will put up much more on the offensive end than the Bulls, and the Heat will need to counter that with 2 of their 3 studs putting up big numbers every game. If only 1 of them goes off, the Mavs will win. And if D-Wade doesn't put up big numbers, that puts all the pressure on Chris Bosh's shoulders, exactly where the Dirkness wants it.

Rebounding - The most telling stat in Basketball for me. If you control the boards, most of the time you'll control the game. You'd think the Heat would struggle in this category (or atleast I did) without a true center, but they actually rank better than the Mavs in these playoffs. Most likely, it is because they rebound well from the guard positions. The tide turned for the Heat after Game 1 against the Bulls, when they were able to even the rebounding, and thus, dominate the series. The Mavs have actually been out-rebounded so far in these playoffs. I literally just said this, but it bears repeating, whoever controls the boards will control these games.

PreDirktion - Gee, who ya think I'm going with here? I'm gonna believe what I've seen throughout these playoffs though - that nobody has looked better than the Dallas Mavericks. While watching both conference finals seriesi, I constantly remarked to anybody that would listen (thank you, Twitter) that the Mavs looked far superior to both the Heat and the Bulls. Barring a complete and utter dominating performance out of Lebron (which is about 25% possible), I'm taking the Mavs in a breeze. I think Dirk is on an absolute mission, and everybody on his team would literally go to war with him right now (good thing we're not in the 1940's). I believe the Heat are a bit full of themselves after marching through the weaker Eastern Conference, and won't be prepared for what they're about to run into. Unlike 2006, I believe this Mavs team has the necessary killer instinct to drive the stake into the heart. And they will.

Dallas Mavericks over Miami Heat in 5

His Dirkness

Top 10 Reasons To Be Excited For NBA Finals

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Could we have asked for a better NBA Finals? I say no. I can't remember the last time I was this gosh darn excited about a Championship game/series in any sport, let alone the NBA Finals. I do feel comfortable saying that I've never been this excited for an NBA Finals before, which makes sense because my team is in it, and the last time they were in it they got cheated out of it, ya dig? But it's not only because The Man has made his presence known. In fact, Dirk's complete and total awesomeness isn't even one of the 10 reasons (although it plays a big role for #7). But enough about the Ghostface Drillah for now, lets get down to this list...

1. These two teams don't like each other - Or at the least, the Mavs do not like the Heat. I mean, they hate the Heat. Hell, I hate the Heat. This one is personal, especially for Jason Terry and the one they call Dirk. The Dallas crowd remembers every foul call from that 2006 series - for better or worse - and they can't wait to boo every single call from this 2011 series (we'll see how annoying that gets). But the history of these two teams make this series infinitely more interesting.

2. These two teams are evenly matched - Don't let the public opinion of the masses fool you. These two teams were separated by 1 game in the regular season and share the same playoff record to this point (12-3). I wouldn't be surprised to see this series swing either way in any amount of games. A sweep would leave me filibustered, but either team winning in 5 wouldn't shock me. You might think that's indicative of a dominant team, but I expect each game to be played closely, and if we've learned anything from these playoffs so far, it's that one team can gain a strong psychological advantage in a series by pulling out close games.

3. These are the best two teams in the NBA - There's absolutely no doubt that these should be the two teams playing for the NBA Championship. Only the Mavs have gone as far as a Game 6 in these playoffs, which was only forced because of a ridiculous, Brandon-Roy induced comeback. The Heat took out the team with the best record. The Mavs took out the 2-time former champs. They've been streaking towards each other. A Championship matchup is always better knowing that it's between the best two teams, which is something of a rarity in the NBA Finals.

4. These two teams have dominated 4th quarters - There weren't huge differences between the four teams in the conference championship games. The winning teams were separated by how they closed out in the 4th quarters of games, severely evidenced by both teams' series clinching wins. However, they no longer have that youth to prey on. Both of these teams expect to pull out games in the 4th quarter if it's close (exactly what the conference finals were missing), which should make for some epic clashes, especially when considering the two studs who are leading their respective teams...

5. Dirk vs. Lebron - These are the two men playing the best basketball in the world right now. Lebron gets it done on both sides of the floor with athleticism that we have never seen before, and an attitude/mental game that's quickly evolving (if he gets there, we're all done for). Dirk is a man on a mission right now, that is playing the game as efficiently as any player in NBA history. He's seen and been through it all, and has adjusted his game (both mentally and physically) to handle any situation that's been thrown his way (so far). It's tough to say Dirk is superior to Lebron because of their defensive abilities, but Dirk is certainly more unstoppable on the offensive end. It's very likely that whoever plays better night in and night out will come away with their first NBA Championship.

6. Neither star has won a Championship - Another rarity in the NBA. Championships tend to be monopolized by a small fraction of teams in NBA. It's always cooler to see how a player reacts to winning a first 'ship than seeing Kobe fake-hug his kids for the umpteenth time. A few players remain from the Heat's *Championship* team, most notably Dwizzly and Udonis Randy Mosslem. We're either going to see the beginning of Lebron's reign atop the NBA or Dirk do what nobody thought was possible. Either should be special to even the common viewer.

7. More Dirk practice routine videos - The most entertaining 30 seconds of the NBA Playoffs to me. The montage they used to show his spinorama shots and one-legged turduckens was riveting television. I could've watched all 2 hours of it, or however long it lasted. But it really gives you a peek at the mastermind of The Dirk, The Godfather himself, Holger Geschwindner (who's name I almost got down). And I don't mean Godfather like the movies, I mean it like the old WWF wrestler with all his ho's. I will admit that I tried many of the same ridic shots in the driveway to mild success (and I wasn't the only one to admit that the past few days).

8. The Miami Heat white out lives on! - One of the finest traditions in sports. Nothing screams playoff basketball better than a half full arena of chonchos representing one of the truly awful fan bases in all of sports. It's like everything I love about Arrowhead Stadium, only the exact opposite. Even when I was stuck in limbo about cheering for the Heat, one sight of that plastic-infested, feminine Sammy Sosa wanna-bes would've set me straight. In actuality, the dullness of both of these crowds is probably the worst aspect of this series.

9. Potential trophy moment between Mark Cuban and David Stern - It's no secret that Cuban is high on Stern's list of people to destroy (although I hear he's steadily declining). Many people thought their relationship may have interfered with the officiating of the '06 Finals. We were shorted the sight of Dan Beebe handing over the final Big 12 Championship Trophy to Tom Osborne and Nebraska, but I'll settle for taking this one in. It would be a moment that goes down in history. And with Cuban involved, anything is possible.

10. The most interesting team vs. the most entertaining team - The Mavs are a super fun team to watch. They get up and down the floor, play a wide open European style, and are the best passing team in the NBA. By far. Their two offensive creators are a 7 foot German and a 5'7 Puerto Rican. They're old, slow, and nobody can quite figure out how they got here. The Heat are surrounded by drama, scrutinized every step of the way, and provided us with the most intriguing NBA regular season of all time. Nobody could wait to announce the demise of them, while everybody was afraid of what might happen if they figured it out. Think of it as the Dos Equis guy vs. the Red Stripe guy. Which side are you on?

3 days!
His Dirkness

The Key to the Dallas Mavericks' Success

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The Dallas Mavericks have been the best team in the NBA Playoffs up to this point. The Miami Heat have received infinitely more publicity for their run, but it's been the Mavs who have disposed of the Champions of yesterday (Lakers) as well as the Champions of tomorrow (Thunder). I can't understand how eeking out victories against a Rondo-less Celtics team and an overmatched Bulls team is wowing everybody so much. And yet, most people's sentiments are that the Miami Heat are on cruise control right now and an NBA Title is a foregone conclusion. I don't want to get ahead of myself too much, so I'll save most of this rant until after the Mavs bury the Thunder.

But just how are these Dallas Mavericks doing it? I tiptoed around their team dynamic about two weeks ago, having this to say in the middle of the Lakers series....

Beyond that, they have just been slowly acquiring other people's garbage and molding it into something of a masterpiece. And I believe this collection of misfits have grown very tired of the world speaking out against them with the unified belief that this team is soft and can't get it done. That can be a gigantic motivator.

"A Collection of Misfits"

Well, mis-fits that is. As in, these players didn't seem to fit in with whatever team they played on before (some of them with the Mavs). They have now come together , unified and singularly focused, with one goal, and one goal only, in mind - to do what none of them have been able to do before - win a ring. It's unbelievable, really, when you examine all of their backgrounds to see how many of them have been dragged down, counted out, cast off, or been so close to a Championship they could smell it. I believe this has been a major bonding factor as far as team chemistry goes, as well as a root for how tough the team is in persevering through adversity.

Lets take a look at what each player has encountered throughout his career and why he fits in so very well with this current Dallas Mavericks squadron...

Dirk Nowitzki - It's truly amazing how much scrutiny one of the NBA's all time greats has faced throughout his career. Even now, immersed in the greatest run of his career, most of the discussion of him remains on the negative side (speaking out against Rick Carlisle's Top 10 of all time claim, and scoffing at Larry Bird comparisons - ironic given how quickly the league is to anoint the next Jordan). Needless to say, he took the majority of blame from the Finals meltdown against the Heat (time for revenge?) and Golden State upset (didn't hear much aimed at Duncan or Ginobili this year). I challenge you to come up with another all time great, in any sport, that has faced more disrespect throughout his career. And I don't think anybody wants to win a Championship more than him right now. He's on a mission.

Jason Kidd - Qualifies under the so close he could smell it category. He took a mediocre New Jersey Nets team through the weak Eastern Conference twice to reach the NBA Finals, but was ultimately bested (rather easily) by the Lakers and Spurs in back to back years. Has since been dismissed due to fossilization, but has reinvented his game by improving his jump shot. He's a big reason the Mavs are doing what they are doing.

Tyson Chandler - Fought through the adversity of being labeled a bust after being drafted #2 overall by the Chicago Bulls. The high school draftee from straight outta Compton never flourished with the Bulls in 5 years, and was shipped off to the Hornets where he enjoyed his most success. Has since been traded by the Hornets and Bobcats, winding up in Dallas, where he has been the biggest single difference maker from the Mavs teams of the past to this current team.

Shawn Marion - A former all star at the tail end of his career (the running theme of this Mavs team) who thrived playing with the run-n-gun Suns, a team who's downfall coincided with the decision to get rid of The Keanu Reeves. After 2 forgettable seasons in Miami and Toronto (didn't know they happened), he too has reinvented his game as less of a scorer and more of a defender for the Mavs, evidenced by swatting Kevin Durant's sausage to end regulation in Game 4.

DeShawn Stevenson - Bounced around from team to team because he's halfway crazy. This is evidenced by his Wikipedia page, which I encourage all of you to read. Here are some of the highlights - In 1993, when Stevenson was 12, his father Darryl murdered his own mother, Clara, by strangling her. He originally committed to the University of Kansas until he was red-flagged for improving his SAT score from 450 as a sophomore to 1,150 as a senior. In 2001, Stevenson finished second in the NBA Slam Dunk Contest. Later that year, Stevenson pleaded no contest to having sex with a 14 year old girl. He is the first player in NBA history to wear the number 92 on his jersey. Oddly, how I remember him (no Wiki mention) is losing to Gilbert Arenas in a 3 point shooting contest that Hibachi shot one-handed. Not much doubt where this man gets his toughness from.

Jason Terry - The other remaining Mav throughout the years, along with Dirka. This means that he, too, has faced much of the same criticism as Dirkness, but to a much lesser degree. However, every Mav remains scarred from what happened in the 2006 and 2007 Playoffs. The Mavs' emotional leader is just as motivated by the team's past and determined to prove the NBA worlds wrong as El Dirkarino.

JJ Barea - The captain of the counted out aspect of the Mavs. It's no secret why he's always been counted out, but it is a secret how tall he actually stands. The roster lists him as 6'0, but those are just lies, ALL LIES! Barea is the rare breed of player who can dominate a game with his repertoire of offensive moves, but can also cost your team the game because of his defensive shortcomings (pun intended). At least he still has his patented defensive move, keeping his face down by the opponent's elbow, waiting for them to strike at any moment, with an assured offensive foul soon to follow.

Peja Stojakovic - Stojanky Nutz was a key member of the Sacramento Kings team that fell short time and time again to the Los Lonely Lakers in the early 00's. Not only that, but he's the culprit of the worst clutch shot I have ever seen in the NBA, when he uncorked a wide open 3 from the corner against the Lakers that hit the side of the backboard! Perfect fit for the previously-perceived-as-soft Mavs.

Brendan Haywood - Always been a decent player, never experienced much playoff success, doesn't really fit the mold. Love watching him shoot free throws though.

Rick Carlisle - Last, but not least, lets not forget the coach of these Mavs. Jim Carrey with cancer won the Coach of the Year award with the Detroit Pistons in 2002 and was fired the next year (replaced by Larry Brown who won a Title and subsequently destroyed the team). Then he took the Indiana Pacers to the best record in the East before ultimately being defeated by Brown's Pistons in the playoffs. The next year, the Pacers were on their way once again until Ron Artest ran into the crowd or something, I can't really remember. It sounded bad though.

So if you're watching the Mavs, wondering how they have seemingly became tough overnight, this list might enlighten you. Every one of these players has a reason to be carrying an extra chip on their shoulder for this team in these playoffs. And sometimes, the will of a team can overmatch the talent of a team, which, in short, I believe is the reason the Mavs have proved everybody wrong throughout these NBA Playoffs.

His Dirkness

NBA Eastern Conference Finals Preview

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Miami Heat vs. Chicago Bulls

Miami Heat - Am I the only one suffering from a bit of Heat exhaustion lately? I get that the Miami Heat are the biggest story of these NBA Playoffs. What I don't get is why everybody was so skeptical of them before the playoffs started, but are now convinced they are invincible. What exactly have they done to impress everybody so much? They took care of the 76ers (who nobody would mistake as a good team), but not in overly impressive fashion (only dominating one game of the series - Game 2). But the real overreaction came after defeating the Celtics in the first two games in the next round. But why? Both games were at home. They did nothing but hold serve. Then they got slaughtered in Game 3 at Boston. Then Rajon Rondo got hurt. I'm not completely convinced that the Heat were winning that series if Rondo hadn't got hurt. Even without Rondo, the Celtics led throughout most of Games 4 & 5. Now you might say I'm being nitpicky at this point, but I'm not arguing that the Heat aren't playing well. I'm arguing against the popular belief that they are the overwhelming favorite to win the NBA Title right now.

Chicago Bulls - The least impressive team of the NBA Playoffs up until their Game 6 beatdown of the ATLiens. But seriously, The Pacers? The Hawks? The Bulls may just be a grind it out type of team, but they've had to work way too hard to beat these two chumps. But not only have they failed to impress, they're also a pretty boring team to watch because of their reliance on D-Rose getting to the foul line time and time again (and if he ain't gettin calls, they ain't winning). It'll be interesting to note the progress of Carlos Boozer, who was the Bulls choice for a max contract last offseason, and has been sucking it up this postseason. For fun, imagine who else that money could've been spent on, and what the Bulls might look like right now. Yes, they very easily could've won the Lebronathon and would be waltzing towards an NBA Title right now (this is why it's tough to take LeBron's claim seriously that he wanted to win as many championships as possible).

LeBron James - He finally closed out a game, giving most of the NBA world a gi-massive LeBoner. However, look at how he did it. With jumpshots. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: LeBron's downfall will continue to be his jumpshot. He's not good at them, and he can't say no to them. I don't think he'll be able to win an NBA Title until he's fully committed to driving to the basket. I see little reason why he should ever shoot a 3 pointer. He's too unstoppable on the move. In fact, if I were guarding him (always loved bangin' with bigger bodies), I would play off of him ala Rajon Rondo. Let him shoot all the jumpers he wants. However, given that this was one of his first closeouts of the season, and that he has been unsuccessfully driving to the basket on most of his opportunities this season, I have almost zero tangible evidence to back up this claim. That doesn't make me believe it any less.

Bulls sweep Heat - No this isn't a prediction. It was the fact of the matter from the regular season this year (although LeBron was LeLong Duck Dong for 1 of the 3). Normally, this would hold very little significance with me. Howeverrrrrrrrrr, the Miami Heat treated this NBA regular season like no team has since the Jordan days. So maybe there is something there. A matchup, a nuance, a hatred. Something. So is it a factor? More than it normally would be, but definitely not the decider.

PreDirktion: We have yet to see a truly great series in these NBA Playoffs. The Grizzlies over the Spurs was one of the better upsets of all time, but not impactful enough to define these 'offs. The Thunder and Grizz are going to 7 (which might elevate its' status), but hasn't been well played thus far. I think this series is it. The Bulls will win games by dominating the boards and wearing D-Wade out on the defensive end by guarding D-Rose (already phoning my nickname squad). The Heat will win games when both LeBron and Wade go off in the same game or when D-Rose isn't getting to the foul line. I think this one's going the distance. Maybe, even, going for speed?

Heat over Bulls in 7

See ya in the Finals, chumps,

His Dirkness

Lakers Suck, Dirk Rules

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Alright Lakers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can always tell a lot more about a man following a loss than you can after a win.

Congratulations Andrew Bynum, ya big dumb animal, you have now been reduced to a punchline for the rest of your existence (people may forget - I will remind them). In your effort to prove you're a tough guy, you took out the smallest guy on the court. Maybe you didn't see the elderly woman sitting courtside? Hopefully, there were some children in the locker room for him beat on to continue his hissy fit. Although, to be fair, I guess they didn't just get done abusing your backside to the point where the police had to be called (we've got a bleeder!). I am impressed that you were able to steal the goat label away from both L'Odom (who went after The Man) and Kobe Bryant (do your scowl Kobe!). I could attach any number of characterizations to your embarrassment, however I think the most obvious might be the most fitting - Bitch.

The best part about the Lakers meltdown was that it was such a glorious sight to take in that it effectively countered watching them win the past two NBA Championships. I feel like it's almost been negated in my mind now. Dejustified. Imagine how you'd feel if you were a true, die-hard Lakers fan (are there any?) right now. Not only did your team just take a beatdown of epic proportions, but they showed their true colors in the process. And you sit back and think to yourself, "This is the team I've been supporting this whole time...?!" I can't imagine how their true fans (there's gotta be some, right?) could go on supporting this current group of players. I guess it's a long offseason though.

The weirdest part of the whole thing was how surprised everybody was. I expected everything I saw in Game 4. Magic Johnson and Mike Wilbon were shocked that the Lakers came out with a weak effort in the first half, but I fully expected a Lakers lay down. This ain't Kobe's first time either. In fact, when he loses he usually goes down with a whimper in the Playoffs (2008 Finals anybody?). So maybe they just believed in Phil Jackson? Although, he had never been in a 3-0 hole before, and anybody that heard his pre-game taped interview could easily tell that he had moved on past this series. So once the game was in hand (around mid 2nd quarter), my thoughts immediately turned to what kind of Laker meltdown we were about to see. To my surprise, people weren't expecting this either. Why did people think the Lakers exude class? Because there were no qualms during their times of success? The best part of this series is how it verified everything I had previously thought about the Lakers.

Now on to the man...

Dirk Nowitzki - How ya like me now? Can this man finally get a break when being discussed as a current superstar and/or all time great? Does publicly undressing Kobe and spanking him in front of the entire fraternity of the NBA enough? I mean he had a few bad seriesi (although it was more his team than himself) and yet he gets brushed aside when compared to rest of the league's elite. Hell, Kobe has quit on his team 2-3 times throughout his career now, yet that barely gets a mention. It's as if quitting on your team carries more street cred than going all out but falling short. That's a sad, sad state of affairs, man.

But since this is the first time they've ever met in the NBA Playoffs, I have no problem now saying that Dirk Nowitzki owns Kobe. Whatcha'll say about that?

"Yea, but Kobe is on the tail end of his career, thus lessening Dirk's accomplishment." I almost bought into this argument myself, until one quick look at Wikipedia told me that DIRK IS OLDER than Kobe!

"Yea, but Kobe has 5 rings, while Dirk has none." Well, 3 of those rings belong to Shaq. Kobe played a big part in obtaining them, but now you're walking the slippery slope of putting the likes of Rick Fox ahead of Dirk (which wouldn't shock me to hear NBA folks do). 2 of the rings are rightly Kobe's, but he needed a star in Pau Gasol to get back to that level. Remember, he doesn't even have a single series victory without Shaq or Pau. So Laker fans (crickets) might wanna reconsider that whole blaming Pau thing.

"Yea, but this series wasn't about Kobe vs. Dirk. The Mavs are just better than the Lakers. Not Kobe's fault." Tell that to Dirk's reputation of the last 10 years. But, you are right, because Kobe's Lakers have the far superior team to the Mavs. As Sports Guy tweeted last night...

On paper, LA has 4 of the best 5 players in the series. Their 4th best player (Odom) would be #2 for Dallas.

So that would mean that Dirk would have to severely outplay Kobe to give his Mavs a chance at this shocking upset right? A quick look at point totals doesn't give you that impression. However, a deeper look at games 1 & 3 reveal that Dirk made the plays down the stretch, while Kobe came up empty (or was the 2nd choice behind L'Odom). Best closer in the league? Nein.

"Yea, but Kobe can just buy the Playoffs a 4 million dollar ring and it'll all go away." Now that one I cannot counter. Sometimes you just gotta tip your hat to a man that has it all figured out.

Enough about Kobe though. Like his teammates, I'm gonna give up on him. However, I remain very intrigued by what drives this perception of Dirk. As my buddy Cheebah Sheebah and I discussed the issue, we wondered if he will always remain perpetually underrated because he isn't flashy on or off the court. He rarely dunks the ball (although when he does it sounds something like this). He hardly even likes to shoot 3's anymore (even though he shot 70% for the series from deep). He DOES like to always make the right play (almost never see the Mavs take a bad shot, and that starts with Him), get all of his teammates involved (the most unselfish non-point guard in the NBA), and play smart. He's very comparable to Tim Duncan in these regards, but with one big difference: He's not boring as shit.

I'm just really glad to see Dirk rise up and make atleast one more (hopefully not last) run in the NBA Playoffs. I didn't (and never will) think that the NBA didn't intervene in the 2006 Finals, giving the Heat a hockey assist to the Championship (although I've never contended the Mavs are innocent in this injustice - I just think that title should be nullified altogether). I feel like if Dirk and I can keep feeding off the same seismic energy (huge bowling victory this week for Ze Dirkness), then he might just get his second chance.

Go Dirk, go Mavs.

His Dirkness

Top 10 2011 NFL Draft Classes

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So I've spoken ad nauseum by now about the Kansas City Chiefs' 2011 Draft class, but now I'd like to address the NFL as a whole a little bit. I'll start out by grading the analysts at the NFL Draft: Chris Berman C+ (not drunk enough), Mel Kiper Jr. D (he annoys me now), Todd McShay B (shows great upside), Mike Mayock B- (didn't see enough Mayockisms), Jon Gruden A- (still applauding Jamarcus Russel pick), Trent Dilfer A+ (becoming the unofficial voice of the NFL). On to the next one....

Top 10 2011 NFL Draft Classes:

1. New York Giants - First round pick: Prince Amukamara, CB, Nebraska - Was a top 10 prospect once upon a time, but fell all the way to pick 21. I'm telling you, a player's ranking immediately following the season is much more prognosticative (!) than their ranking going into the Draft. You'd think I have a great idea on Prince will do since I watch every Nebraska game, but he really never got thrown at, like at all. I think that's a good thing though.

What else did I like? Marvin "The Manchild" Austin - 2nd round, Greg Jones and Tyler Sash (2 of my sleepers) - 6th round, Da'Rel Scott - 7th round.

What didn't I like? Nothin.

2. Arizona Cardinals - First round pick: Patrick Peterson, CB, LSU - My top player in the NFL Draft. Need I say more? Why yes, yes I do. They passed on Blaine Gabbert, who would have failed tremendously in Arizona (but has a much better chance of succeeding in Jacksonville).

What else did I like? Ryan Williams - 2nd round, Sam Acho - 4th round, Quan Sturdivant (name of the Draft) - 6th round.

What didn't I like? Robert Housler - 3rd round.

3. Kansas City Chiefs - First round pick: Johnny Baldwin, WR, Pitt - Already discussed him at length, but heard today on Nick Wright that he has already talked with Cassel, and they set up plans for Baldwin to come to KC, stay with Cassel, work on some things, maybe go to Bed Bath & Beyond, he didn't know if they'd have enough time. Love hearing that!

What else did I like? Rodney Hudson - 2nd round, Justin Houston - 3rd round, Ricky Stanzi - 5th round, Jerrell Powe - 6th round.

What didn't I like? Well, Shane Bannon is from Yale, and I'm more of a Princeton guy because of my Scoregazm quarterback, my teammate.

4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - First round pick: Adrian Clayborn, DE, Iowa - I don't love this pick, but I like it. Clayborn was a monster in 2009, but his numbers trailed off in 2010 due to more attention. Unfortunately, he doesn't have a greasy QB to blame like our boy, Johnny Baldwin.

What else did I like? Da'Qwan Bowers (could be the absolute steal of the Draft) - 2nd round, Mason Foster - 3rd round, Ahmad Black - 5th round.

What didn't I like? Notta.

5. Cincinnati Bengals - First round pick: AJ Green, WR, Georgia - Made my top 5 list of best players in the 2011 NFL Draft (was #5). Might he be enough to convince Carson Palmer to stick around in Cincinnati (debatable if that would even be a good thing)?

What else did I like? Andy Dalton (my 2nd favorite QB) - 2nd round, Clint Boling (best player available going into Saturday) - 4th round.

What didn't I like? Squadoosh.

6. New Orleans Saints - First round pick: Cameron Jordan, DE, Cal - Don't know much about him other than he was supposed to go a lot higher than he did - Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama - Perfect fit for the Saints, who were in desperate need for a workhorse. Ingram seems like the kind of dude that will feed off the motivation of sliding to pick 28.

What else did I like? Martez Wilson - 3rd round, Greg Romeus - 7th round.

What didn't I like? Traded away next year's first round pick, so this had better be a good class for them.

7. Detroit Lions - First round pick: Nick Fairley, DT, Auburn - My #4 overall player of this Draft. Falls into the best position of any other player in this Draft, landing next to The Ndominant One. The Lions now have 2 of the 3 best D-tackles to roll through College Football since Warren Sapp. Also, see Amukamara, Prince up above.

What else did I like? Titus Young - 2nd round, Mikel Leshoure - 2nd round

What didn't I like? Only 5 picks.

8. St. Louis Rams - First round pick: Robert Quinn, DE, North Carolina - No doubt about how Steve Spagnulo believes a team should be built. He orchestrated the best defensive line I've ever seen with the NY Giants when they won their Super Bowl. Now he pairs the promising Chris Long with Quinn in his effort to recreate the magic.

What else did I like? Getting young Samuel some much needed help in Lance Kendricks - 2nd round, Austin Pettis - 3rd round, Greg Salas - 4th round

What didn't I like? Should have gotten a scat back to compliment S-Jax.

9. Houston Texans - First round pick: JJ Watt, DE, Wisconsin - Who I would describe as the most under the radar player in this Draft. Honestly, I can't even remember why I liked him so much, I just remember watching him dominate and believing he'd make a great 3-4 end. I stand by it.

What else did I like? Brooks Reed - 2nd round, TJ Yates - 5th round

What didn't I like? Both their first two picks project very well into their new 3-4 defense under Wade Phillips. However, what are their plans with Mario Williams? He's too much of a playmaker to play DE in the 3-4. They might have to make a Jared Allen like move with him now.

10. Washington Redskins - First round pick: Ryan Kerrigan, DE/OLB, Purdue - Was my top choice as a pass rushing linebacker, however I must admit I was somewhat surprised to find out he was white on Draft day.

What else did I like? Leonard Hankerson - 3rd round, Roy Helu (Goodbye!) - 4th round, Dejon Gomes -  5th round, Niles Paul - 5th round (launching MTV's next season of Real World: Huskerz in D.C.)

What didn't I like? Jarvis Jenkins - 2nd round.

His Dirkness

2011 Kansas City Chiefs Draft Preview

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My publicist tells me the NFL Draft is tomorrow night. If you're feeling unprepared for it, don't worry, you're not alone. I blame it on the lack of Free Agency, which we'd normally be almost 2 months into by now. So since there has been no Free Agency, the Draft almost feels like it takes on a greater importance since no team's needs have been satisfied thus far. I'm really not sure what role Free Agency will play this year, however I have no interest in finding out because I refuse to follow the current lockout. But, to my knowledge, they have to have something because of all the players that aren't under contract right now. And that's the last you'll hear from me about the lockout.

Fortunately, the Chiefs have the added bonus this year of not being under tremendous financial pressure with their first pick (the first time since 2007). Thus, I've been able to sit back and relax, instead of studying Mel Kiper's browline (prominent) and Todd McShay's girth (lacking) on a daily basis. Honestly, I think my assessments will be more spot on this year, simply because I'll be avoiding over-analysis.

I noticed an interesting trend when studying the Kansas City Chiefs' recent first round draft history. If Tyson Jackson pans out, which I honestly think he will, I would argue they have hit on their last 8 first round picks. Hali, Bowe, Dorsey and Berry are the headliners. Some people aren't as high on Albert as I am. Derrick Johnson is atleast solid and definitely not a bust. Larry Johnson may be one of your least favorite Chiefs of all time, but he work-horsed his worth. Ty Jax is the question mark, but I can't get the images of his fiery play against Baltimore out of my head. I think he's due for a breakout year in 2011. How many other teams can make that claim though? With absolutely no research completed, I'd guess none, and couldn't see anymore than two. So throw away any doubts you had about this franchise's ability to draft good players (and I do feel like they have a somewhat undeserved poor reputation in that department).

Lets start with a positions of need list for the Chiefs since I have yet to throw one out this offseason:

Big 3 (positions that MUST be addressed)

1. Outside Linebacker - The most important position on defense (in the 3-4) has a vacant spot left behind (played by Mike Vrabel's corpse last season). Unlike last year (when there were no prospects worthy of our #1), there are a handful of prospects the Chiefs could select at 21.

2. Wide Receiver - The biggest hole on the roster (Studebaker is decent at OLB). I would like to see them add two weapons to Cassel's arsenal this offseason. While I hope they draft one, my hunch on the other just received good news with Steve Smith having previously demanding a trade from the Panthers. Given that artillery, Cassel is forced into something of a put-up or shut-up type season (a good thing).

3. Nose Tackle - A position that really hasn't been fulfilled since switching to the 3-4. The run defense was held together with smoke and mirrors through the first half of 2010, but fell apart the latter half. Yanno those trucks with Oversize Load signs on them? We need someone to hang that sign on in the middle of our defense.

Secondary 6 (would be nice to address these positions)

4. Center - Casey Wiegmann was good but you can't think he won't decline atleast a little bit this year (he's getting a little long in the tooth). It would be nice to fill this undervalued position with a youngling for the next 15 years.

5-6. Offensive Tackle/Inside Linebacker - Both positions have one solid starter (Albert, DJ) and one iffy starter (Richardson, Belcher). I like both of these players, but both could be improved upon. While Belcher is better right now, Richardson has a better chance to improve.

7. Backup QB - Every night before I go to bed, I pray to Lord Lebowski that the Crodie Broyle era is over in Kansas City. Wouldn't be surprised at all to see the Chiefs snag a QB in the 2nd round (I prefer Mallett) or later (I'm seeing lots of Ricky Stanzi from Iowa).

8. Fullback - Yet to replace Tony Richardson. Maybe we should get Tony Richardson. Or Stanley Havili, USC.

9. Safety - People are way more sold on Kendrick Lewis than I am at this point. While he is young, people too often mistake playing as a youngster with showing great potential. Doesn't always work out that way. Oh yeah, and Jon McGraw.

Now lets take a look at who I think the Chiefs are most likely to select with their first round pick come tomorrow night...

1. (WAS #6) Brooks Reed, OLB, Arizona - Stock is high right now because he can match Clay Matthews in the flowing locks department. Lacks great athletic ability, but has a high motor. But hey, long hairs are so hot right now. Count me in. Grade ~ B

2. (WAS #1) Gabe Carimi, OT, Wisconsin - Keep hearing this name pop up and I must say I'm quite impressed. Won the Outland Trophy last year (best interior lineman). He was a unanimous All-American. Captain at Wisconsin (well documented how the Chiefs like that). And nicknamed "The Jewish Hammer." Alright, alright. Not crazy about the position grab, but I like him the best. Projects as a Right Tackle despite starting 49 of his career 52 games at Left Tackle. Grade ~ B+

3 (WAS #3). Akeem Ayers, OLB, UCLA - Played more of a natural stand up LB position at UCLA so he never really put up the sack numbers (career high 6 in 2009). More of a coverage LB than a pass rusher (although flashes the ability to do so when watching his highlights). Seems to have great instincts. Makes plays. However, I'm skeptical at putting an inexperienced pass rusher in a position to constantly rush the passer. Grade ~ C+

4. (WAS #5) Nate Solder, OT, Colorado - Another potential Right Tackle. Every year the NFL Draft analysts say we need to upgrade the offensive line, but I'm not sure if the KC brass agrees with that sentiment. Solder stands a monstrous 6'8 and has a boring Wikipedia page. Grade ~ C+

5. (WAS #9) Torrey Smith, WR, Maryland - Have yet to see anybody with Smith being drafted this high. This pick becomes increasingly more likely if the Chiefs are able to trade down, which we haven't seen the Chiefs do yet under Pioli, but the Patriots are famous for it. He was an excellent returner his first two years, but concentrated on receiving more in 2010. Has the top end speed the Chiefs should be coveting opposite D-Bowe. Grade ~ B-

6. (WAS #4) Phil Taylor, NT, Baylor - Was everybody's mockulation for the Chiefs until word spread about an irreparable foot condition. That concerns me, but so does never noticing this guy despite watching a handful of Baylor games last year. Although there is something intriguing about a player who's last name  rhymes with his alma mater. Grade ~ C-

7. (WAS #7) Ryan Kerrigan, OLB, Purdue / Aldon Smith, OLB, Missouri - Both of these pass rushing LB's would be ideal, however both will most likely be off the board by the time the Chiefs pick at 21. Grade ~ A

8. (WAS #2) Justin Houston, OLB, Georgia - Different than other projected 3-4 OLB's because he actually played in the 3-4 defense in college. Earned All-SEC honors as well as a finalist for the Butkus (best LB) and Nagurski (best DL/LB) awards last year, when he tallied 10 sacks. Would probably be considered a bit of a reach, but ultimately fills the Chiefs' biggest need. [EDIT: Apparently, just came out that Houston failed a drug test. Drop him 3-4 spots on this list then.] Grade ~ B+

9. (WAS #8) Mike Pouncey, G/C, Florida - Should send half of his signing bonus to his brother, who excelled with the Steelers as a rookie last year. I'm all for taking a Center early on, but wasn't this the guy that had like 13 bad snaps in Florida's first game of the year? Red flag. Plus, if he plays Guard, we don't need him. Grade ~ C

10. (WAS #10) Marvin Austin, DE, North Carolina - One of the Tarheels that was suspended for the entire 2010 season. Was considered a top prospect until that suspension, now just considered risky. However, this dude is an animal. He's a wildebeest. He's huge and he can run. Probably not big enough to play Nose Tackle, but if you love him, you can never have enough defensive linemen. And I love him. Grade ~ B+

More to come with the Draft beginning Thursday but extending through the weekend.

NEW PLAYERS

Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama - The Chiefs might want to strengthen a strength and give themselves the best 1-2 punch at RB in the NFL. It wouldn't shock me to see them take the former Heisman winner if he slides. He would be the ideal compliment to Jamaal Charles' running style, and you know they're set on keeping Charles's legs fresh. They may believe Thomas Jones is done. Grade ~ A-

Danny Watkins, G, Baylor - Wow. Mike Mayock of NFL Network has the Chiefs taking this clown. No matter if we're already 3 deep at Guard (Waters, Lilja, Asamoah), or that Watkins will be 27 years old by the time the season starts. If this is the pick, expect a devastated Dirkness detonation document. Grade ~ F

Derek Sherrod, OT, Mississippi St - Another Offensive Tackle possibility. Blah. Grade ~ C

Kyle Rudolph, TE, Notre Dame - Got some comments on Arrowhead Pride from people that wanted to take this guy. I was flabbergasted, dumbfounded, maybe even bamboozled. He had all of 328 receiving yards last year. But that was in half a season they tell me. Oh, so he has injury concerns too? Alright! Grade ~ G

Muhammad Wilkerson, DE, Temple - Appears to be a physical freak that some people love. I don't know much about him, but don't like the position at all, where he seems to project perfectly as a 3-4 DE. If we take him it's because we absolutely love him. Grade ~ C+

Julio Jones, WR, Alabama - There are rumors spreading that the Chiefs love Jones and might look to move up if he slides past 12 or so. This is my ideal selection for the Chiefs, and would have no problem giving up a 3rd rounder to move up and choose him (could get us up around 16 or so). He's got the speed and downfield threatability that we need opposite D-Bowe. Grade ~ A+

Dirkness

NBA Playoffs Preview Extravaganza

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I am pumped for these NBA Playoffs. The best regular season I can remember hopefully leads directly into the postseason. However, I must admit that a little bit of the momentum has been lost because of how stupid long the regular season is. Shorten the season to 50 games and the NBA skyrockets in popularity (I hesitate to say NFL territory, but if the lockout continued...who knows?).

I'm gonna hit you all with a few lists to get you ready for a weekend chalk full of 8 games. I'm gonna appetize you all by ranking the 16 teams in order of my personal rooting interests, entree you by ranking the teams' chances of winning the Championship, impress you with my top 10 most intriguing players souffle, and finally rank the playoff series in pumptitude for your midnight delight (predictions included - hanky panky not included). Bon appetit.

Ranking my favorite NBA Playoff teams:
1. Dallas Mavericks (some competition from the Knicks but not enough)
2. New York Knicks (may pass the Mavs if they go on any kind of run and I get sentimental)
3. Oklahoma City Thunder
4. Memphis Grizzlies
5. Portland Trailblazers
6. Indiana Pacers
7. Chicago Bulls
8. Boston Celtics
9. Philadelphia 76ers
10. Denver Nuggets
11. Atlanta Hawks
12. New Orleans Hornets
13. Orlando Magic (don't really dislike but they are somewhat favored)
14. Miami Heat (huge dropoff from 14 to 15)
15. Los Angeles Lakers (hate them more than #16 but
16. San Antonio Spurs (so boring I can't watch them)

Ranking the NBA Playoff teams' title chances:
1. Los Angeles Lakers - They're the favorites, but I feel like their run is over at the same time. I feel like if they do win it this year, it'll be their last.
2. Miami Heat - I've gone back and forth about loving and hating the Heat. I've finally settled on rooting against them, but they certainly have made things interesting. No matter how they do in these playoffs, it's bound to be dramatic and spectacular. My biggest question is if they've gone too hard in the regular season trying to prove everybody wrong and don't have much left. My biggest fear is that they've been saving something for everybody in the playoffs and blow everybody to smithereens.
3. Boston Celtics - Everybody is making a big deal that the C's haven't played that well the last month of the season (9-10). People might've forgot they finished last season 27-27. Then they made the NBA Finals. This is what the Celtics do.
4. OKansaslahoma City Thunder - Became a legitimate threat with the acquisition of The Kobe Killah Kendrick (or as I like to call him, KKK). Love their chances this year, but am worried about too many teams hopping on their bandwagon and them blowing their first round matchup with the Denver Dankness.
5. Chicago Bulls - Worried about their title chances because NBA teams usually have to pay their dues before they win an NBA title. Remind me of the 2011 Kansas Jayhawks with Boozer and Noah bangin' down low like the Morrissi, and D-Rose banging chicks at midcourt of the United Center like Tyshawn. Will their supporting cast (of Deng, Bogans, Korver, Gibson, Thomas) let them down like KU's?
6. San Antonio Spurs - The final Finals candidate. Yes, this is a 6 team tournament. I just don't see it out of the Spurs this year (as you'll find out later), or maybe it's just wishful thinking. I'm not sure what it is about them, but I'd rather watch the WNBA Draft than a Spurs game. Seriously.
7. Orlando Magic - Became semi-contenders by trading away Vince Carter. Gonna need Turd Glue to dominate in order to make a run. I'm bored with them.
8. Dallas Mavericks - Never good when the bottom teams are jockeying for position to play you in the first round. I hope the Mavs have a run in them, but I don't see it. Once again, they have no second option to His Dirkness. In fact, since Steve Nash departed, the Mavs have only had two All-Stars opposite Dirk - Josh Howard (who was so bad that I swore the Mavs off until they cut him - also he was an injury replacement) and Jason Kidd (who was an honorary selection in 2010) - That's it, that's the list.
9. Portland Trailblazers - Sucks that they're squaring off with the Dirks in the first round. In Sports Guy's playoff podcast he said "Dirk might be the best player in the series, while the Blazers might have the next best 4-5 guys." Eeks, egads!
10. New York Knicks - Very excited to watch meaningful basketball in the Gahden. I was hoping and pleading for Knicks/Heat in the first round so we could hopefully see another big time brawl. Seriously, when was the last time a big fight took place in the playoffs?
11. Memphis Grizzlies - The Grizz beat the Spurs twice in the month of March, and lost to them earlier in the season in overtime. AND, apparently, they tanked at the end of the season in order to draw the Spurs in round one. I'm intrigued.
12. Denver Nuggets - Astounding 10 players averaging double figures for them this season (more amazingly, 8 of those players are still on the team).
13. Atlanta Hawks - Could be fired up after getting absolutely embarrassed by the Magic (their opponent again this year) last season. Either way, nobody in Atlanta will care.
14. Philadelphia 76ers - Literally have no players of note.
15. Indiana Pacers - Like a College all-stars team with Brandon Rush (BRong), Tyler Hansbrough (secretly become a fan), Darren Collison, Roy Hibbert, Josh McRoberts (he made the NBA! And he plays!), and TJ Ford baby! Haven't watched them all year, but am secretly very excited to.
16. New Orleans Hornets - For whatever reason Chris Paul bores me.

Top 10 Most Intriguing Players:
**Kobe Bryant will not be included out of respect for the Gay and Lesbian Alliance**

1. Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks - Here's a player who isn't interested in his own image, legend, or perception of him (he's soft) filling people's minds. He's not afraid to be himself, despite getting crushed for not carrying himself like the western media thinks he should. Despite that, he's more interested in self-depracating himself than self-promotion. He leaves it all on the floor each and every game but accepts losing if that is his fate. And if you said to me that's not a winner's attitude, then I wouldn't argue with you. But my love for him is complicated and goes deeper than just winning. I think his biggest problem might be that he goes all out every time he steps on the floor, and therefore doesn't have that extra gear come playoff time. I believe he's of the mindset that everything is bigger than wins and losses. I might not like him as much if he played for "my team," but casually watching him he's really developed into one of my favorite athletes of all time.
2. Kevin Durant, oKC Thunder - Declared his greatness after seeing him live at Allen Fieldhouse 4 years ago (best athlete I've ever seen live - yes I saw LeBron this summer). I've believed he's had a certain special nature about him. I've seen him score in the NBA, but now I'd like to see him dominate. I can't perfectly describe what I mean, but if you watch him in these playoffs you might see it. He is special.
3. LeBron James, Miami Heat - I'm glad Bron bolted for Miami because he could've easily become very stale and boring in Cleveland. Now he's polarizing and has become very interesting. Now if only he'd embrace his role as the villain (I'm talking Hollywood Hogan style) he could gain my undying support.
4. Kendrick Perkins, oKC Thunder - Stands as the reason the Celtics can't win it all and the reason the Thunder can. Could be the best defensive big man in the league. The Kobe Killah has now walked off the Staples Center floor (without injury) victorious three times in a row. He don't like Kobe.
5. Joakim Noah, Chicago Bulls - I love any player that ever records more rebounds than points in a game (not to mention players that shoot free throws like my mom). Noah has to be commended if the Bulls do win it all. Dude is just a winner.
6. Carmelo Anthony, New York Knicks - Just excited to see what he can do. I have never really rooted for him before, but he is delightful to watch. He's a big body and likes to play physical. Would love to watch him v. LeBron in a 7 game series.
7. Paul Pierce, Boston Celtics - Actually led the NBA in +/- per minute (the most important stat in all of basketball). Always a joy to watch the most unheralded clutch player in the game clash with the LeBroner.
8. Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic - I'm excited for the day when he wins an NBA title. Why? Because Howard seems really immature and I don't think he'd handle the success very well, which I'd love to see.
9. Gerald Wallace, Portland T-Blazers - Seems like a uniquely special player that we've never really seen before because he hasn't made the playoffs before (Stat Boy tells me he made the playoffs with the Bobcats last year, but there's little evidence to support that).
10. Brandon Rush/Mario Chalmers/Darrell Arthur, Kansas Jayhawks - Good to see both bottom seeded teams with KU players in the regular rotation. It's cool see these guys in the playoffs, and gives me a reason to support the lesser teams in games that might otherwise be meaningless to me.

Ranking the Playoff series (Predictions included):
1. Boston Celtics vs. New York Knicks - Celtics in 7
2. Dallas Mavericks vs. Portland Trailblazers - Mavs in 7
3. oKC Thunder vs. Denver Nuggs - Thunder in 6
4. San Antonio Spurs vs. Memphis Grizzlies - Grizzlies in 6 (oh no he didn't!)
5. Miami Heat vs. Philadelphia 76ers - Heat in 5
6. Chicago Bulls vs. Indiana Pacers - Bulls in 5
7. Los Angeles Lakers vs. New Orleans Hornets - Lakers in 4
8. Orlando Magic vs. Atlanta Hawks - Magic in 6

NBA Finals Prediction:
Miami Heat over Oklahoma City Thunder

Remembering KU's 2008 Team

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To get pumped for this most recent NCAA Tournament and to remember a time when KU got the job done, I watched KU's 2008 Final Four game against the North Carolina Retards. It was the first time I had watched the game since rewatching it the day after it occurred. I couldn't wait to relive KU's famous first half run (which ran somewhere from 18-0 to 25-2) featuring multiple Chalmers/Russ-Rob steals, Colehelm's a plenty, and some big time Sherronergy, not to mention Billy Packer's somewhat infamous "This game...is...over" line. But, as is with all of my teams, no lead is ever safe. The Tardheels immediately responded with a 10-0 run, and put together a 14-0 run in the 2nd half, mostly spurred on by Danny Green's ass waddle and Tyler Hansbrough flopping around like a marathoner going commando. Perhaps by biggest intrigue of the game was how KU responded to blowing their lead (all the way down to 4). Well, it was a BRong Rush offensive rebound and putback, a lob to Darnell over the top, and back to back Sherron2Kaun's. Game over.

While watching the game, I couldn't help but think that no KU team could ever surpass that 2008 team. First of all, I won't be at the University at the same time as the team ever again. Second of all, it'd be very difficult to match the likeability of that team. And third of all, there's VERY little chance I'll ever do bong rips with one of the players in the middle of the season again. My only question is if any championship could ever compete with being a fan of the 2008 National Champions. I think the Chiefs are the only team with the potential, but I have little concept of how I'd feel if they were to win a Super Bowl. It wouldn't surprise me if it greatly surpassed or fell woefully short. I'll be sure to let everybody know come February 5, 2012.

So you're probably wandering where I'm taking this entry from here. Well, here goes. I'm interested to take note of how players from that team are remembered over time. I'm also infatuated with attaching overrated/underrated tags to people. Boom...lightbulb! So here are my personal reactions to how each and every (relevant) member of that team has been remembered since cutting down the nets...

UNDERRATED (presented in order of most to least)

*Sherron Collins - The inspiration for this column. It's as if his reputation has been tarnished by his off-the-court antics, his lack of an NBA career, and one loss from his college career. Are you freakin' kidding me? Lets not forget that he was the best point guard on the floor in a National Championship Game that included the likes of Derrick Rose and Mario Chalmers. Not to mention his ideality as a sixth man. He can carry a lesser a team on his back by scoring, brings great energy, and is a great leader on the floor.

*Darrell Arthur - Every team needs a go to scorer. Shadyyyyyyy was just that, only people never seemed to recognize that fact. Well, pay attention to the first plays of both the Final Four games and you'll see what I mean. Or the play that ignited the comeback against Memphis (comically called "the worst shot KU could've taken" by Packer when he shot it). I've actually seen him make Sportscenter a few times this year playing for the Memphis Grizzlies, ironically.

*Darnell Jackson - My favorite player from the team. One of two jerseys that hangs in my rafters to this day (along with Priest Holmes). D-Jax plays within himself more than any other KU player I've ever seen. He was a capable scorer, but never took bad shots. He put all his effort into defense and rebounding because that was exactly what the team needed. He was also loved by all of his teammates and seemed as genuinely nice as a basketball player at KU could.

*Rodrick Stewart - A player of little impact becoming the supposed driving force of the team at the Final Four? I tell myself, "Lets write this for Rod" before diving into any write-up ever since.

*Russell Robinson - The heart and soul of the team. His want to win was maybe somewhat taken for granted at the time, but boy have KU fans missed it since. Also, has to be underrated because of people's overall lack of appreciation for good defenders, despite that aspect representing 50% of the game of basketball. He was a spectacular on the ball defender.

VERY PROPERLY RATED (presented in no particular order)

*Sasha Kaun - I thought and I thought, but I couldn't relegate Kaun to being either over or underrated. He was exactly spot on rated. He was very replaceable, but he had a special skill (alley oops) that fit in very well with this team. I will never forget that he went on to make more money the next year than any player from that team.

OVERRATED (presented in order from least to most) - Let me start by saying that I hate labeling any of these players as overrated. Most all are near and dear to my heart (Cole isn't), and this isn't a reflection of how I feel about them, but simply a reaction to the public's perception of them.

*Brandon Rush - Because of his name. He was the biggest recruit on his team, and he might be the best pro from the team when it's all said and done. But, I wouldn't necessarily list him as the best player on that team. Therefore, he qualifies as overrated. Even though he did make the biggest play of the game in the game against UNC. Bet. Whip. Lil' Wayne. 'Nuff said.

*Mario Chalmers - Calm down, calm down. Yes, the man that gave me an alternate to that annoying "Kobe" saying, as well as my go to phrase in the bedroom ("Who's the best blogger in the world") is listed as overrated. But how could he not be? If I met Jesus I would tell him he was overrated too. It's not their fault. It's not his fault. It's not your fault. Look at me, Mario....It's not your fault. Lastly, it's funny when people seemed unaware of what KU would do down 3 to Memphis, when the exact same situation occurred the previous year in the Big 12 Championship. See if this looks familiar at all...



*Cole Aldrich - It is your fault, Cole. Actually, it's just that the game of College Basketball has passed you by. It's no longer a place for slow, plodding, 7 foot, traditional centers anymore. They slow your team down, and become counterproductive. It's just much more suitable to have an athletic 6'10 player nowadays. My last point of intrigue from KU-UNC was examining exactly how good Cole's stretch of play was (remember, he was a relative unknown then), of which I was blown away by how dominant it really was. Here's a simple breakdown of his carnage: block, tip-in, after the foul block, block, turnover, BENCH. Offensive rebound, 2 free throws (reshot 2nd because of UNC lane violation), rebound, offensive foul, after the foul block, offensive rebound, made shot, block, steal, offensive rebound, missed shot, block, and a grand finale of a ball being dunked off his dome. "Gosh, it was awesome yanno."

His dirkness

This Team Wasn't Tough Enough

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We've all seen this story unfold before. We've seen the unfulfilled 1 seeds. We've seen the missed free throws. We've seen the media hand games over to Kansas before ever being played, and we've seen KU blow those games. We've seen the mid-majors showcasing the name on their jerseys, while we've seen the KU players use them to cry into. We've seen the rejoice from Missouri and K-State fans. We've felt the heartbreak.

KU's loss to the VCU Jay Bilas's summed up the season perfectly. You never knew whether to take this team too seriously because you never knew if they were going to take their opponent seriously. This team was defined by cruise control. They possessed very little killer instinct. They played with a sense of entitlement, believing that they would win the game because they were Kansas, and probably wouldn't have to try their hardest to do so.

All of that is fine and dandy until somebody punches you in the mouth. With such a sparse amount of superior teams around the country this year, we only saw one team really do it to KU all season: Kansas St. That game played out very similarly to what we witnessed on Sunday. Let the opponent surge out to a giant lead before finally deciding you'd better give it everything you had, only it was too late, and you didn't have the extra gear that you thought you had. KU never learned how to play from behind all season. Simply put, KU wasn't tough enough.

The lasting image of this team in my mind will be Brady Morningstar nearly in tears on the bench in the first half of Sunday's meltdown. THE FIRST HALF! They didn't get mad about VCU's hot start, or a few calls going against them (their excuse, not mine), they got sad. That's about as un-tough as it gets. I lost a good amount of belief in the team when I witnessed this. I couldn't believe it. And M-Star wasn't alone on the bench, with T-Robb the Sobb boohooing along with him. At that point, I had counted both of those players out for the rest of the game.

In fact, with both of those players counted out, Markieff seemingly uninterested in seeing his draft stock rise at all, and Tyrel Reed falling prey to the white guy March shooting slump syndrome (file that under the "we've seen that before" category), this team simply didn't have enough players to trust. Tyshawn played his best ball of the season in the Tournament (as might've been expected from his big game experience), and Marcus Morris did all he could do with a collapsing zone defense with no outside threats. Beyond that, who are you looking to? Mario Little (nowhere to be seen)? Josh Selby (should've been playing over Tyrel)? Frankly, it was more amazing to me what this team accomplished over the season than the fact they bowed out of the NCAA Tournament at this point.

However, it would be un-Dirkness like if I didn't offer a glimmer of hope for my optimistic readers out there, and here it is...The 2008 Championship team had to work their way there. They bowed out in the Elite 8 the year before they won it all. Not only did that provide crucial Tournament experience (which this team was somewhat void of), it gave them the drive going into the next season to get the job done. Remember B-Rush blowing out his knee that offseason? That's magical. I never felt the magic with this team. There was no midseason players-only meeting at Henry's like with that team. They never took joy in beating teams by 50 points like that team. This team was set on coasting. That team never coasted. They knew what was at stake and they knew that any one bump in the road could derail them from their goal. Hopefully, this team has learned that now. Oh yea, and I believe the Morrissii will be coming back.

Lastly, I remind all of you that we are analyzing kids that are between 18 and 21 years old (excluding Grandpa Morningstar). To believe that anything is a given with kids that young is silly. They are very impressionable, and if they are told all week that they are going to beat a team, they're going to believe it. And when pressure is applied to kids that young, you never know what you're going to get. That's what makes the NCAA Tournament so unpredictable and beautiful. Here's to hoping KU never enters another Tournament as the favorite.

Wiping away tears with brackets,
His Bracketness

NCAA Tournament Awards

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So most of the following pertains to the first weekend of NCAA Tournament games, but I choose to write them nonetheless! Try and look past the immediate relevance of them and enjoy the ridiculousciousness...

And the award goes to....

PLAYERS

For being the best player in the NCAA Tournament (written before last night's manhandling of the Dukies) - Derrick Williams, Arizona

For potentially being the best College Basketball player of all time - Tyrel Reed, Kansas (has a chance to surpass Shane Battier for most wins by one player if KU makes the National Championship Game)

For making the Dirkness All-Tournament team: Jacob Pullen - Kansas St, Jimmer Fredette - BYU, Brandon Knight - Kentucky, Derrick Williams - Arizona, Tyler Zeller - North Carolina

For making the Dirkness second team All-Tournament team: Kemba Walker - UConn, Shelvin Mack - Butler, Erving Walker - Florida, Marcus Morris - Kansas, Joshua Smith- UCLA

For being this year's Omar Sanham (Dirkness mancrush) - Kenneth Faried, Morehead St.

For being this Tournament's Keiton Page (thus bothering Dirkness to no end) - Chandler Parsons, Florida

For being a homeless man's Tyler Hansbrough - Josh Harrellson, Kentucky

For obviously being on steroids - Jimmer Fredette, BYU

For the dumbest play of the Tournament - John Henson, North Carolina - near goaltending at the end of UNC-Wash game (dumber than Pitt-Butler fouls because there was absolutely nothing to gain)

For best nickname - The Mazzula Oblongota, West Virginia

For the second best nickname - Little Onions - Erving Walker, Florida

For most nicknames for one player - Deniz Kilicli, West Virginia - The Turkish Torpedo, The Bearded Clam, The Overmatched Bond Villain, Zangief

For having the best name of the Tournament - MoMo Jones, Arizona

For having the best chance to succeed based on birth name - Bradford Burgess, VCU

For the weirdest KU-related sighting - David Padgett, Louisville (coaching)

For the second weirdest KU-related sighting - Quintrell Thomas, UNLV

For having the best post-game celebration - MoMo Jones, Arizona - Blowing a kiss to the camera while slobbering uncontrollably

TEAMS

For being the true Cinderellas of the NCAA Tournament - Richmond Spiders (most opening round wins as a 12 seed or lower - 5, Tulsa - 3)

For creating argument about who's the true Cinderella - Gonzaga ZagDogs (8-4 as a double digit seed since 1999)

For being the first team ever - Michigan (won a game with no made free throws)

For putting up the biggest Georgetown-like first round lay down - Georgetown

For putting up the biggest Pitt-like Tournament letdown - Pitt

For annually being picked to go further in brackets than they actually go - Texas

For being the least impressive surviving team of the first weekend (written before Sweet 16) - San Diego St.

For being the most impressive team of the Tournament - VCU

For being the easiest Sweet 16 matchup to pick - UNC over Marquette

For being the biggest Sweet 16 toss up - VCU/Florida St.

For having the best fight song: Arizona

MISCELLANEOUS

Scariest sighting - Dan Bonner's overzealous smily face

Silliest looking future leaders of America - Princeton fans in orange-man suits

Weirdest Tournament follow-up show - TruTV's Bicycle Soccer

Best mispronunciation of the Tournament - Charles Barkley - "cramps" ("crabs", "craps")

Troofest statement of the Tournament - Charles Barkley - "Texas is a team that relies on talent alone, but shows very poor fundamentals"

Rule change suggestion - His Dirkness - No more 1-in-1 free throws (too big an emphasis on free throw shooting)

Coolest NCAA Tournament connection - Sean Miller, Arizona - threw the pass that led to "Send it in, Jerome" call...



: Best Send it in Jerome of the Tournament - Derrick Williams, Arizona...



Best prediction - Charles Barkley - picking Arizona to beat Duke even at halftime while trailing by 6 (narrowly edging Dirkness' prediction of Arizona to beat Duke from the beginning)

Best announcing term of the Tournament - Gus Johnson - "Crosstown traffic" (narrowly edging Gus Johnson's "Oooohhhhooooohhhhhh")

Most overused announcing term - "heat check"

Most underused announcing term - "hockey assist"


Sky high in brackets,
His Bracketness

2011 NCAA Tournament Picks

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I've set out on a quest on different stracketagies to mold and form the perfect bracket this year. I officially submerged myself beyond the extent of reality more so than ever before, which sounds like enough of a reason to celebrate to me. A sampling of different stracketagies applied this year:

• Bass-ackwards - Picking a National Champion first, then working it inside out like a Blooming chrysanthemum. To see (hopefully) click here.
• Coin Flip - Pretty standard. Flip a coin for every game. Bet a dollar against Dave's coin flipper (although I could probably handle his real one too). My Final Four was Kentucky, Cincinnati, Illinois, and UC-Santa Barbara baby! Kentucky wins it all. Dave's has St. John's over Temple.
• Probability Coin Flip - The most extensive bracket of my career. I set probabilities on each game by multiples of 10% (for example: Xavier 60% over Marquette, Michigan vs. Tennessee 50%) and proceeded to let 10 dominoes carry out those percentages (for example: if Marquette had 6 dominoes turn up in its favor, then they advanced). Don't worry, I don't expect you to understand. Hell, I didn't even understand. I knew what I was taking part in was bigger than me, bigger than life itself. However, I must warn you the National Championship takes a nasty, vicious turn for KU fans. To see, (hopefully) click here.

The Dirkness' Bracket (Main Bracket):

East Region:

~First Round winners: Ohio St, George Mason, West Virginia, Kentucky, Xavier, 'Cuse, Washington, North Carolina
~Sweet 16: Ohio St, Kentucky, 'Cuse, UNC
~Elite 8: Kentucky, UNC
~Regional Champ: North Carolina

West Region:
~First Round winners: Duke, Michigan, Arizona, Oakland, Cincinnati, UConn, Temple, San Diego St
~Sweet 16: Duke, Arizona, UConn, Temple
~Elite 8: Arizona, Temple
~Regional Champ: Arizona

Southwest Region:
~First Round winners: KU, UNLV, Richmond, Morehead St (!), Georgetown, Purdue, Texas A&M, Notre Dame
~Sweet 16: KU, Richmond, Purdue, Notre Dame
~Elite 8: KU, Purdue
~Regional Champ: Kansas

Southeast Region:
~First Round winners: Pitt, Old Dominion, K-State, Wisconsin, Gonzaga, BYU, UCLA, Florida
~Sweet 16: Pitt, K-State, 'Zaga, Florida
~Elite 8: Pitt, Florida
~Regional Champ: Pittsburgh

Final Four:
~North Carolina over Arizona
~Pittsburgh over Kansas

National Championship:
~Pittsburgh over North Carolina

Up to my hambone in brackets,
His Bracketness