NFL Power Rankings ~ Week 8

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Previous Rankings

Preseason

Week 3

Week 8 Powah Rankin's

The Juggernaut

1. Green Bay Packers - Hard to argue right now. Still waiting to see that adversity though. I'll be impressed if and when it comes and goes.

The Buffalo Bills 4-peaters

2. Pittsburgh Steelers - That's what happens when you give a good team playing at home no chance all week long.

3. Buffalo Bills - Extremely impressed by their resume. Even their loss to the Bengals doesn't seem so bad now.

4. New Orleans Saints - I kneaux, I kneaux. It doesn't make sense, but I refuse to believe this team is as bad as they sheauxed.

5. New York Giants - Can't believe nobody's talking about the team playing in the nation's biggest city in the NFL's premier division.

6. Baltimore Ravens - They're gonna be 'that' team. Could see them stomping Pittsburgh for a second time, and then losing to Cleveland to miss the playoffs.

The Hova - Rateds

7. New England Patriots - Can you imagine the number of Super Bowls they'd have if Bill Belichick still believed in defense?

8. San Francisco 49ers - Seven games doesn't erase seven years of memories of Alex Smith.

9. Detroit Lions - Annoying frontrunners. So full of themselves that they'll fold if they're not clicking on all cylinders. I see a lack of grit. Want things handed to them.

My Sleeper

10. Houston Texans - Have a chance to rack up wins in a cake division in a conference without an elite team. Sounds dangerous to me. Stayed afloat with Andre Johnson out.

The Derek Fucking Foreals?

11. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Haven't played up to par but there's something about this team. I think Josh Freeman wins a Super Bowl in his career.

12. Kansas City Chiefs - Actually have a worse point differential (-42) on the season than the 1-6 Arizona Cardinals (-40).

13. Cincinnati Bengals - Placed a $12.50 bet on them to win the AFC North. Pays out $1,000 for the win. No, I'm not shitting you. You can literally go on BetUS.com and make the same bet right now (this is legal right?).

The Old n' Borings

14. New York Jets - CAN'T WAIT till somebody shuts Rex Ryan up for good.

15. Atlanta Falcons - There's nobody I root harder against for no apparent reason than Matt Ryan.

16. San Diego Chargers - No team receives more unjust due than the Chargers. Everybody just face it - they aren't good.

The NFC Queefs

17. Dallas Cowboys - Can't figure out how they're not good. They should be good right? Yea, they will be good. Lets go ahead and put them in the playoffs.

18. Philadelphia Eagles - Remind me of the 2004 Kansas City Chiefs. Horrible start, capable of blowing teams out, but never really had "it."

19. Washington Redskins - Won't forgive them for benching my boy, G-Rex.

The Please Don't Make Me Watch Em's

20. Chicago Bears - They're doing the smart thing by not paying Matt Forte. Because...

21. Tennessee Titans - You might never see an NFL team pay a running back again after this Chris Johnson (CJ2.8) display.

The Must See TV Team of Whom I Haven't Even Seen Yet

22. Carolina Panthers - CAAAAMMMMMM!!! Still hasn't received the necessary credit for single-handedly dominating College Football last year. Thank you pointless NCAA allegations!

Good and Evil

23. Oakland Raiders - Carson Palmer is going to flop HARD. Remember when he sucked for the last five years? Yea, me too.

24. Denver Broncos - Who'll be the first person to personalize a Tebow '666' jersey? Hey now. You stay classy, Dirkness.

The Mighty Fiesties

25. Jacksonville Jaguars - Good defense. How bout that?

26. Minnesota Vikings - Christian Ponder eh? Whatever...

27. Miami Dolphins - I literally believe there are five worse teams than the 0-7 Dolphins.

Six to Threes

28. Cleveland Browns - No team's record will be more inflated with unimpressive wins than Nick Wright's Cleveland Browns.

49er Fodder

29. Seattle Seahawks - Where 67,000 > 53.

30. St. Louis Rams - What would you give up for Sam Bradford? A first rounder? Could be the funnest NFL discussion of the offseason.

31. Arizona Cardinals - Hey Larry Fitz, are you enjoy the Kevin Kolb era?

The Cheaters

32. Indianapolis Colts - I'll hate them as much as I can hate a team if they get Andrew Luck. I wonder if they're still pumping in fake crowd noise when they're trying to lose?

His Dirkness

NFL Power Rankings

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Parody is such a beautiful thing. The NFL is the only professional league that seeks out parody in every way possible. The Draft, the schedule, the revenue sharing, and the future implementation of the salary floor (not until 2013 I think) are all designed to give the 32 teams an equal opportunity to compete. And it's the main reason why the NFL is so successful. Every fan can believe that it is their team's year before the season begins. Three weeks in there are only three undefeated teams in the NFL, and two of them were completely off the radar last season (Bills, Lions). That means that all of the teams considered elite going into the season have atleast one loss, except for the defending Super Bowl Champs. And that's where we begin with the Week 3 power rankings.

(Laugh at my Preseason NFL Power Rankings: here)

NFL Power Rankings ~ Week 3

Ye Faithfuls
1. Green Bay Packers - Nice start, but what I want to see is how they handle adversity this season.
2. New Orleans Saints - My predicted Super Bowl winner is in good shape. There is no better QB in the NFL at playing from behind than Drew Brees.
3. Baltimore Ravens - Emphatic blowout this week showed me that their loss to Tennessee was a fluke.
4. Dallas Cowboys - A blocked punt away from being 3-0. This is starting to feel like Tony Romo's year to me.
5. New England Patriots - Brady has already surpassed his interception total of last season. I'm not sure if Belichick still believes in playing defense.

New Kids on the Block
6. Fuckin' Spunky Buffalo Bills - Impressed by their defense keeping them in the game against NE. Super impressed by Chan Gailey kneeling on the ball to kick a field goal with no time left.
7. Oakland Raiders - Their defensive line is better than the Lions' defensive line. I'm ready to call Darren McFadden the second best running back in the NFL.

8. Detroit Lions - Still cannot run the ball, the team finished with 20 yards on 19 attempts last game.

9. New York Jets - Could be a dangerous 10-6 team going into the Playoffs. Familiar eh?
10. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - I really want Josh Freeman to be called "Freebs." Or Fozzy Bearman.

The Letdowns
11. Houston Texans - Should be higher, but I feel like we're all waiting for their midseason collapse.
12. San Diego Chargers - I haven't seen the more determined team I expected to when I predicted them to make the Super Bowl.
13. Pittsburgh Steelers - Something doesn't feel right with this team. Reeks of a disappointing season.
14. Philadelphia Eagles - The comparisons to the Miami Heat are remarkable, right down to the poor start to the season and the whiny ass star of the team.
15. Atlanta Falcons - Should be 0-3 if Vick doesn't get hurt. This team was vastly overrated last season.

Middle of the Pack
16. New York Giants - Have 8-8 written all over them. I thought they might be pissed after seeing that DeSean Jackson punt return 87,000 times this offseason.
17. Washington Redskins - Ryan Kerrigan appears to be the real deal on what could be a rough defense.
18. Chicago Bears - Their punt return play was seriously awesome. Watch it here.
19. Tennessee Titans - Matt Hasselbeck has been my biggest surprise of the season. Chris Johnson is no longer a top 20 running back.

Showing some Spunk
20. Cleveland Browns - Could be the worst Playoff team ever if they win the games they should.
21. Carolina Panthers - Cam Newton never got enough credit for his dominating run at Auburn last year because of the number of pointless scandal stories.
22. Cincinnati Bengals - I have no idea how, but this team doesn't appear to be an easy victory. Could shock the Bills next week.

This Really is an NFL Division
23. St. Louis Rams - Have looked sooooo bad, and I still make them the favorites in the division at 0-3.
24. San Francisco 49ers - Please don't make me watch them this year.
25. Arizona Cardinals - Quarterbacks are never good after they leave Andy Reid's side.
26. Seattle Seahawks - Should be lower, but they fit the cut of this category's jib. Winning in Seattle still isn't easy.

Andrew Luck Sweepstakes
27. Denver Broncos - Crisis averted, I whiffed on my NFL surprise pick.
28. Minnesota Vikings - Made the top 5 for the first half of my preparations for this post. Then the second half happened.
29. Kansas City Chiefs - For better or worse, showed signs of returning to last year's form.
30. Indianapolis Colts - Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis will only try that hard for their primetime games.
31. Jacksonville Jaguars - Might be the worst team, but they are less likely to tank games at the end of the season.
32. Miami Dolphins - The frontrunners. Cheer hard for them.

His Dirkness

10 Thoughts on the Kansas City CHIEFS

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My official Kansas City Chiefs preview comes to you in the form of a grab bag consisting of my 10 biggest thoughts, worries, qualms, predictions, hunches, juxtapositions, and if you're lucky, maybe some conjectures. But first, go ahead and play this song throughout the reading of this piece. If it ends, just restart it. Trust me.



1. This Buffalo Bills opening game scares the dickens out of me. In case you haven't read what I've been saying about the Bills this offseason (here and here), I think they are very dangerous. The Chiefs are still reeling from their shaky preseason, and the Bills might be extra motivated after last season's last second loss (not to mention, Chan Gailey probably hates Todd Haley). However, if the Chiefs were to drop their home opener, I don't like their chances to win at Detroit the next week. At all. And then you're  staring down an 0-2 record with a trip to San Diego looming. Those are season over circumstances there. So the moral of this horror story is - Don't lose to Buffalo!

2. People saying this is a make or break year for Todd Haley are dead wrong. I'm looking at you Randy Covitz! And you Sports Guy (who had this to say in his NFL preview: "Relatively Bold Prediction No. 5: By April 2012, Todd Haley will be the offensive coordinator for the New York Jets"). Look you may not like how Haley approached this preseason (nor do you probably like anything that is unconventional), but he has earned himself a down season after last year. If the Chiefs underperform this season, then he can plop down on the hot seat for the 2012 season, but unless the bottom falls out this season, and the Chiefs go something like 3-13, Todd Haley's job will be safe.

3. I'm worried about Jamaal Charles. And nobody else seems to be, which worries me even more. Look, I've said it before, and I'll say it again (just watch), Running Backs come and go all the time in the NFL. And it happens just like that. One minute you are Chris Johnson (and he'll suck in 2 years) and the next you're Edgerrin James. Or Shaun Alexander. Or Steve Slaton (perhaps the scariest comparison - nearly 1,300 yards as a rookie and barely over 500 yards in the two years since). The easiest way to metamorphose from good to bad is by getting injured. Or getting paid. One of which happened, and one of which I see in my nightmares. Luckily, we have, who I believe to be, the best long term mind in the NFL in Scott Pioli, who seems to be taking the necessary measures to keep Charles healthy for a long God Jam time.

4. Dwayne Bowe takes "The Leap." Last year he took a step and became D-Pro Bowe. I think he takes that next step this season. I'm not sure his stats will necessarily reflect the leap, but consistency is a big part of taking that next step. I expect Bowe to be considered a Top 5 NFL Wide Receiver by the end of the 2011 season. He's in a contract year, which may have played a big part in his offseason conditioning (something the Chiefs will have to take into evaluation following this season when he becomes a free agent). He has looked simply unstoppable this preseason, catching everything thrown his way, and I expect that to continue into the regular season.

5. Charlie Weis was the biggest loss of the offseason. Literally and schematically (oh wait, Shaun Smith is bigger, I think...). Since Chaz Weis announced he was leaving for oranger pastures, Matt Cassel and the passing offense haven't played well against an NFL starting defense. It's possible that the Chiefs got the services of a top flight Offensive Coordinator for only 15 games. And it's also possible that Todd Haley is to blame for that (speculative personality beef). In comes Jim Zorn (who I believe in) and Bill Muir (very skeptical), who takes over as the play caller for the Chiefs. They'll become the immediate scape goats, if my fears of Weis being more important than we're all hoping he was come true.

6. The defense is dependent on the long term health of Kelly Gregg. He appears to be fully healthy right now. But he will turn 35 this season. And his snaps were cut down considerably last season in Baltimore. If Gregg goes down, the Chiefs are forced to turn to 6th rounder Jerrell Powe as a starting Nose Tackle. POWE (right in the kisser) has looked good against 2nd and 3rd teamers in the preseason, but asking him to handle the load as a rookie is a bit of a stretch. And with the Chiefs run defense struggling enough as is, I hate to imagine what it would be like without The Oggre. That is why we all need to pray to 8 pound, 6 ounce baby Jesus that Gregg is lucky enough to last 16 games this season.

7. The defense needs a definitive leader to step up. It could be Eric Berry, Brandon Flowers, Derrick Johnson, or Tamba Hali (my order of likelihood), but I want an individual player for the team to rally around. I want a player that everybody can look to when things are going bad, and they'll get a sense of reassurance. The Ravens have Ray Lewis. The Steelers have Troy Polamalu. The Packers have Charles Woodson. The Patriots had Tedy Bruschi. One look in any of their eyes, and you knew his teammates were completely prepared to respond to adversity. My guess is that Urrrrrr Burrrrrrr (ahem, Eric Berry) steps into that role as this season progresses.

8. I'm atleast mildly intrigued by the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes. I'm not gonna root for the Chiefs to lose all of their games. Atleast, not yet. But if the Chiefs fall out of the playoff hunt early on in the season (read: worst case scenario up at #1), I would atleast entertain the idea of tanking the rest of the season in order to win the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes. I think the Chiefs are set up with young talent across the board right now, but Matt Cassel will never be more than an above average Quarterback, and if you watched the Green Bay - New Orleans season opener, you saw first hand what an elite QB can bring to the table. If the Chiefs were able to acquire an elite level QB (and I think there's a very high chance Luck becomes one), then they would become a league powerhouse for the next 10 seasons (and now I have to quit typing before I convince myself this is a good idea from the get go).

9. The Chiefs will only make the playoffs if Jared Gaither is successfully inserted into the starting offensive line. When predicting a team's fate, especially your own team, I look to the most clear cut reasoning possible. Right now the Chiefs offensive line is piss poor. And Matt Cassel doesn't handle getting pressured very well. That's the absolute easiest observation to make about this team. Barry Richardson not only seems to have regressed this offseason/preseason, he seems to have regressed hard. The only chance at improvement I see right now is Jared Gaither, who must play, and play well for the Chiefs to repeat last year's success.

10. The Kansas City Chiefs will go 9-7. Click here to see how.

His Dirkness

2011 NFL Preview

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To make it easy for all my Crodies out there, I'm going to link up all of my 2011 NFL Preview articles onto this one nice, neat post. Link-um's!

2011 NFL Predictions

NFL Power Rankings - Preseason

Who will be the NFL's Surprise Team?

Top Ten NFL Team Over/Under Bets

Ranking the NFL's 32 Quarterbacks

NFL's Top 25 Players

Yahoo Pick Em League - Winner gets an official His Dirkness t-shirt!!!
Group Name: His Dirk-nicians
Group ID #65684
Password: chiefs

And for the hell of it...

2011 College Football Predictions


Happy NFoLiday,
HisDirkness.com

2011 NFL PREDICTIONS

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Click here to make fun of my last year's predictions!

AFC

AFC East
New England Patriots 11-5 (3 seed)

Buffalo Bills 9-7

New York Jets 9-7
Miami Dolphins 2-14

AFC North
Pittsburgh Steelers 13-3 (1 seed)
Baltimore Ravens 11-5 (5 seed)
Cleveland Browns 9-7
Cincinnati Bengals 4-12

AFC South
Houston Texans 11-5 (4 seed)

Jacksonville Jaguars 5-11

Tennessee Titans 5-11

Indianapolis Colts 3-13

AFC West
San Diego Chargers 12-4 (2 seed)
Denver Broncos 10-6 (6 seed)
Kansas City Chiefs *-*
Oakland Raiders 6-10

NFC

NFC East
Dallas Cowboys 11-5 (3 seed)
Philadelphia Eagles 11-5 (5 seed)
Washington Redskins 7-9
New York Giants 6-10

NFC North
Green Bay Packers 13-3 (1 seed)
Detroit Lions 10-6 (6 seed)
Minnesota Vikings 9-7
Chicago Bears 6-10

NFC South
New Orleans Saints 12-4 (2 seed)
Atlanta Falcons 9-7
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 7-9
Carolina Panthers 3-13

NFC West
St. Louis Rams 9-7 (4 seed)

Arizona Cardinals 6-10

San Francisco 49ers 6-10
Seattle Seahawks 4-12

PLAYOFFS?!?!? Playoffs.

WildCard Round:
AFC - New England over Denver, Baltimore over Houston
NFC - Dallas over Detroit, Philadelphia over St. Louis

Divisional Round:
AFC - San Diego over New England, Pittsburgh over Baltimore
NFC - New Orleans over Dallas, Philadelphia over Green Bay

Championship Round:
AFC - San Diego over Pittsburgh
NFC - New Orleans over Philadelphia

Super Bowl:

New Orleans over San Diego

Awards n' Shit

MVP: Philip Rivers, San Diego

Offensive Player of the Year: Andre Johnson, Houston

Defensive Player of the Year: Clay Matthews, Green Bay

Comeback Player of the Year: Donovan McNabb, Minnesota

Offensive Rookie of the Year: Mark Ingram, New Orleans

Defensive Rookie of the Year: Von Miller, Denver

Coach of the Year: Mike Tomlin, Pittsburgh

Winner of the Andrew Luck sweepstakes: Miami Dolphins

His Dirkness

2011 NFL Power Rankings - Preseason

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No introduction necessary, lets just rank em boyeeeeee...

The Paul Thomas Anderson 3-named Fav's:
1. New Orleans Saints
2. Green Bay Packers
3. New England Patriots
4. San Diego Chargers

The Annuals:
5. Pittsburgh Steelers
6. Baltimore Ravens
7. Philadelphia Eagles

The Pretenders:
8. New York Jets
9. Atlanta Falcons

The X(-Ray) Factor:
10. Indianapolis Colts

The Little Lebowski Urban (under)Achievers:
11. Houston Texans
12. Dallas Cowboys

The Overpicked Surprise Team:
13. Detroit Lions

The Potential Surprises:
14. Cleveland Browns
15. Minnesota Vikings
16. Buffalo Bills

The One Year Kevin Arnold Wonder Years:
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
18. Kansas City Chiefs

The Jackie O'Nassis Has Beens:
19. New York Giants
20. Chicago Bears

The Quin Snyder D-League:

21. St Louis Rams

22. Arizona Cardinals

23. San Francisco 49ers

24. Seattle Seahawks

The Potential Harry Houdini Spit On Her Back Surprise Team:

25. Denver Broncos

The Bob Loblaws:

26. Oakland Raiders

27. Tennessee Titans

The White Flaggers:

28. Jacksonville Jaguars

The Spergon Wynn Division:

29. Washington Redskins

30. Miami Dolphins

31. Carolina Panthers

The Andrew Luck Frontrunners:
32. Cincinnati Bengals

Dissecting the NFL's Top 100 Players List

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The NFL Network recently concluded their best efforts to hide the fact that their league is comprised of a bunch of greedy robots, or as they called it, the NFL's Top 100 Players list.

The list was voted on by players (supposedly - Brandon Carr admitted on Nick Wright's show that he, nor any player he knows, actually voted on the list), which makes some of the more egregious errors somewhat more comprehendible, even if the Top 5 of the list is more reflective of 2004 than 2011.

For those of you in the dark - Here's the list.

The Chiefs had 5 players on the list:

33. God Jam Charles
45. Dwayne (Pro) Bowe
64. Tamba Hali
67. Brian Waters
93. Eric Berry

I have a few lists of my own, inspired by this list, to throw your way. Let me start by saying that while this list gets a lot wrong, that doesn't make this list a failure. The whole goal of a list like this is to spark debate and create discussion. Mission accomplished.

The first list will be my personal Top 25 Players of 2011 in the NFL. My list is right.

(Note: When making a list like this you have to make a distinction of whether importance of position matters. This isn't a list saying I'd trade Player A for Player B because, ultimately, I'd trade the best non-QB in the league for any one of the top 10 quarterbacks. Therefore, the top 10 list would consist of 8, 9, or 10 QB's. Mine isn't like that.)

His Top 25ness

1. Troy Polamalu, S, Pittsburgh Steelers

2. Aaron Rodgers, QB, Green Bay Packers

3. Darrelle Revis, CB, New York Jets
4. Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Arizona Cardinals
5. Tom Brady, QB, New England Patriots
6. DeMarcus Ware, OLB, Dallas Cowboys

7. Drew Brees, QB, New Orleans Saints

8. Haloti Ngata, NT, Baltimore Ravens

9. Adrian Peterson, RB, Minnesota Vikings

10. Nnamdi Asomugha, CB, Oakland Raiders

11. Peyton Manning, QB, Indianapolis Colts

12. James Harrison, OLB, Pittsburgh Steelers

13. Andre Johnson, WR, Houston Texans

14. JamaAL Charles, RB, Kansas City Chiefs

15. Nick Mangold, C, New York Jets

16. Clay Matthews, OLB, Green Bay Packers

17. Chris Johnson, RB, Tennessee Titans

18. Julius Peppers, DE, Chicago Bears

19. Ndamukong Suh, DT, Detroit Lions

20. DeSean Jackson, WR, Philadelphia Eagles

21. Patrick Willis, LB, San Francisco 49ers

22. Antonio Gates, TE, San Diego Chargers

23. Ben Roethlisberger, QB, Pittsburgh Steelers

24. Richard Seymour, DE, Oakland Raiders

25. Dwight Freeney, DE, Indianapolis Colts

That's it, that's the list. Problem with it? Let me know in the 'ments...

*Best fact of the NFL's Top 100 list: Kent State landed 3 players on the list (Gates, Harrison Cribbs), while neither Florida nor Florida St. landed a single player. HA!*

The next list of mine will be The 10 Most Overrated Players on the NFL's Top 100 List (in order of they're ranking). Here go...

1. Ray Lewis (4) - The better debate is if he even belongs in the Top 100 at all
2. Mike Vick (20) - Only had 1 year in him, won't ever play a full 16 game season again
3. Arian Foster (25) - He won't make the Top 100 list in 2012 - Book it
4. Jason Witten (36) - He's solid, but shouldn't be sniffing Top 50
5. Steven Jackson (38) - 3.8 yards per carry anyone? Remember Larry Johnson would've made this list once upon a time as well
6. Tony Gonzalez (46) - Sorry Tony!
7. Brian Waters (67) - Unfortunately, I'm in the know
8. Santonio Holmes (76) - More hype than he's worth
9. Jason Babin (85) - I know he put up numbers, but it was a 1 year thing
10. Joe Flacco (90) - As average as they get
11. Donovan McNabb (100) - Are you kidding me?

As I sit back and look at my list, I can't help but notice that I picked mostly aging veterans that aren't what they used to be. This makes sense because they'd still be highly respected by their peers, but nevertheless is an oversight of the list. The second thing I notice is that the Top 10 list is 11 players long, but I forgot how much I hated Michael Vick the first time through.

My final list entails snubs from the NFL's Top 100 list (in order of snubbery). This was harder to make, and I'm sure I'll forget some players who I would fully endorse making the list, but it's all Jesus.

10 Players Who Should Have Made the List:

1. Tramon Williams, CB, Green Bay Packers - Best defensive player of the 2011 playoffs, almost made my Top 25
2. Hakeem Nicks, WR, New York Giants - 1,052 yards, 11 TD in 12 games as a sophomore
3. Maurkice Pouncey, C, Pittsburgh Steelers - Hard to imagine him not becoming an All-Pro center
4. Peyton Hillis, RB, Cleveland Browns - Are there really 10 better running backs in the NFL?
5. Ryan Clady, LT, Denver Broncos - Is he no longer considered elite or something?
6. Osi Umenyiora, DE, New York Giants - Most surprising omission from the list - household name
7. Brandon Flowers, CB, Kansas City Chiefs - Narrowly edges Wallace Gilberry for my token Chiefs selection
8. Mike Wallace, WR, Pittsburgh Steelers - Finished 5th in receiving yards last season. Seriously.
9. David Harris, LB, New York Jets - The quintessential underrated player in the NFL
10. Kevin Williams, DT, Minnesota Vikings - He was the consensus best DT in the NFL at one point, no?
AND 1. Shaun Hill, QB, Detroit Lions - You'll understand someday...

The end.

The word 'list' was written 32 times in this post,
His Dirkness