Lakers Suck, Dirk Rules

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Alright Lakers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can always tell a lot more about a man following a loss than you can after a win.

Congratulations Andrew Bynum, ya big dumb animal, you have now been reduced to a punchline for the rest of your existence (people may forget - I will remind them). In your effort to prove you're a tough guy, you took out the smallest guy on the court. Maybe you didn't see the elderly woman sitting courtside? Hopefully, there were some children in the locker room for him beat on to continue his hissy fit. Although, to be fair, I guess they didn't just get done abusing your backside to the point where the police had to be called (we've got a bleeder!). I am impressed that you were able to steal the goat label away from both L'Odom (who went after The Man) and Kobe Bryant (do your scowl Kobe!). I could attach any number of characterizations to your embarrassment, however I think the most obvious might be the most fitting - Bitch.

The best part about the Lakers meltdown was that it was such a glorious sight to take in that it effectively countered watching them win the past two NBA Championships. I feel like it's almost been negated in my mind now. Dejustified. Imagine how you'd feel if you were a true, die-hard Lakers fan (are there any?) right now. Not only did your team just take a beatdown of epic proportions, but they showed their true colors in the process. And you sit back and think to yourself, "This is the team I've been supporting this whole time...?!" I can't imagine how their true fans (there's gotta be some, right?) could go on supporting this current group of players. I guess it's a long offseason though.

The weirdest part of the whole thing was how surprised everybody was. I expected everything I saw in Game 4. Magic Johnson and Mike Wilbon were shocked that the Lakers came out with a weak effort in the first half, but I fully expected a Lakers lay down. This ain't Kobe's first time either. In fact, when he loses he usually goes down with a whimper in the Playoffs (2008 Finals anybody?). So maybe they just believed in Phil Jackson? Although, he had never been in a 3-0 hole before, and anybody that heard his pre-game taped interview could easily tell that he had moved on past this series. So once the game was in hand (around mid 2nd quarter), my thoughts immediately turned to what kind of Laker meltdown we were about to see. To my surprise, people weren't expecting this either. Why did people think the Lakers exude class? Because there were no qualms during their times of success? The best part of this series is how it verified everything I had previously thought about the Lakers.

Now on to the man...

Dirk Nowitzki - How ya like me now? Can this man finally get a break when being discussed as a current superstar and/or all time great? Does publicly undressing Kobe and spanking him in front of the entire fraternity of the NBA enough? I mean he had a few bad seriesi (although it was more his team than himself) and yet he gets brushed aside when compared to rest of the league's elite. Hell, Kobe has quit on his team 2-3 times throughout his career now, yet that barely gets a mention. It's as if quitting on your team carries more street cred than going all out but falling short. That's a sad, sad state of affairs, man.

But since this is the first time they've ever met in the NBA Playoffs, I have no problem now saying that Dirk Nowitzki owns Kobe. Whatcha'll say about that?

"Yea, but Kobe is on the tail end of his career, thus lessening Dirk's accomplishment." I almost bought into this argument myself, until one quick look at Wikipedia told me that DIRK IS OLDER than Kobe!

"Yea, but Kobe has 5 rings, while Dirk has none." Well, 3 of those rings belong to Shaq. Kobe played a big part in obtaining them, but now you're walking the slippery slope of putting the likes of Rick Fox ahead of Dirk (which wouldn't shock me to hear NBA folks do). 2 of the rings are rightly Kobe's, but he needed a star in Pau Gasol to get back to that level. Remember, he doesn't even have a single series victory without Shaq or Pau. So Laker fans (crickets) might wanna reconsider that whole blaming Pau thing.

"Yea, but this series wasn't about Kobe vs. Dirk. The Mavs are just better than the Lakers. Not Kobe's fault." Tell that to Dirk's reputation of the last 10 years. But, you are right, because Kobe's Lakers have the far superior team to the Mavs. As Sports Guy tweeted last night...

On paper, LA has 4 of the best 5 players in the series. Their 4th best player (Odom) would be #2 for Dallas.

So that would mean that Dirk would have to severely outplay Kobe to give his Mavs a chance at this shocking upset right? A quick look at point totals doesn't give you that impression. However, a deeper look at games 1 & 3 reveal that Dirk made the plays down the stretch, while Kobe came up empty (or was the 2nd choice behind L'Odom). Best closer in the league? Nein.

"Yea, but Kobe can just buy the Playoffs a 4 million dollar ring and it'll all go away." Now that one I cannot counter. Sometimes you just gotta tip your hat to a man that has it all figured out.

Enough about Kobe though. Like his teammates, I'm gonna give up on him. However, I remain very intrigued by what drives this perception of Dirk. As my buddy Cheebah Sheebah and I discussed the issue, we wondered if he will always remain perpetually underrated because he isn't flashy on or off the court. He rarely dunks the ball (although when he does it sounds something like this). He hardly even likes to shoot 3's anymore (even though he shot 70% for the series from deep). He DOES like to always make the right play (almost never see the Mavs take a bad shot, and that starts with Him), get all of his teammates involved (the most unselfish non-point guard in the NBA), and play smart. He's very comparable to Tim Duncan in these regards, but with one big difference: He's not boring as shit.

I'm just really glad to see Dirk rise up and make atleast one more (hopefully not last) run in the NBA Playoffs. I didn't (and never will) think that the NBA didn't intervene in the 2006 Finals, giving the Heat a hockey assist to the Championship (although I've never contended the Mavs are innocent in this injustice - I just think that title should be nullified altogether). I feel like if Dirk and I can keep feeding off the same seismic energy (huge bowling victory this week for Ze Dirkness), then he might just get his second chance.

Go Dirk, go Mavs.

His Dirkness

Kansas City Chiefs (8-4) Thoughts

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(This post was somewhat inspired by Sports Illustrated's Peter King who writes the Monday Morning Quarterback, which is so epic I need to devote an entire night to read, comprehend, and properly analyze it. Tis incredible.)

My Arrowhead experience was filled with a little bit of everything on Sunday. We were wrongfully directed away from fancy-boy parking towards common-folk parking, which was tough for our pinky-extending carload to accept, until some nice Kansas City tailgating folk filled our bellies with baked potato soup. Then, we cut it too close to game time by trying to pound the last of our Red Dogs, forcing me to sprint through the concourses with juke moves that JamaAL would envy, while listening to this. Then while trying to ignore the "F-you Mays" and "F-you club level" chants being hurled from over my shoulder, my Chiks-appeal took full effect with a Denver fan sitting next to me offering to take me home in his suitcase. Not so fast my friend, you're gonna have to wait in line behind this Chiefs fan next to me, who's making moves I tend to only accept from Asian philly's. Luckily, I was wearing multiple layers of protection.

I was not surprised to see Josh McDingleberry (not to be confused with Wallace Dean Gilberry, who has been too busy playing peacekeeper to get after the QB - he will get a sack against San Diego) fired after the game on Sunday. His inexcusable decision to punt on a 4th and 5 with under 3 minutes to play reeked of McDude giving up on his team. It almost makes me wonder if he knew of his fate prior to the game. They faced a 4th and 4 and their own 39 yard line with the score at 10-6. Even if you don't convert, a Chiefs field goal doesn't end the game. However, one Chiefs first down DOES end the game. This was the single worst in-game coaching decision I've seen this season. Gary Pinkel was screaming at his TV.

On the other end, Todd Haley really has his hand on the pulse of this team. His players love him. When Mike Vrabel and Shaun Smith enter the game on offense, the entire Chiefs sideline gets invigorated, while the Arrowhead crowd goes from diesel truck loud to rock concert loud (I'm picturing a Gwar concert). The same goes for his 4th down decisions. Young NFL players love going for it on 4th downs. Harvard educators love going for it on 4th downs. Old conservative people dislike going for it on 4th downs. Well I say put down the Kentucky Gentlemen old man, and get yourself a Four Loko, because this is a new generation of Kansas City Chiefs football.

This leads me to the Barry Richardson situation. He threw a Dirkness-like (Taylor Martinez-induced) tantrum on the sidelines. He even pushed special teams coach Steve Hoffman (wait, I know Steve Hoffman! You bastard!). Instead of villainizing Richardson after the game, Todd Haley stuck up for him. He spoke about how he loved the passion he was seeing from his players in the middle of a playoff race. It was pretty special to listen to. Again, Kansas City's players love him.

Jack Harry didn't think so though, nah-unh! He makes a ridiculous analogy in the following video that I can't make any sense of. Go to the 1:00 mark of this video and tell me if you understand....



Yea Jack Harry! Way to set sports journalism back another 10 years! Moving on....

Matt Cassel is starting to look more and more like Tom Brady. No, it's not the awesome haircut. And no, it's not the game winning drive that we're going to see from him in the Super Bowl this year. It's the way he's perfecting the art of the checkdown. Brady is the checkdown master, oftentimes converting 3rd and 7-10's by way of accurately swinging the ball to a running back (used to ALWAYS be Kevin Faulk, now it's more the rich man's Rex Burkhead- Danny Woodhead). This play is wildly effective if you hit your running back in stride, who should have a decided speed advantage on a linebacker in man coverage. These can be the easiest yards in football to gain.

To conclude my Chiefs thoughts, the best two players on the field on Sunday were Champ Bailey and Brandon Carr. It was hyped as a game between two top-flight receivers Dwayne Bowe and Brandon Lloyd. Cha(u)mp Bailey shut down the NFL's hottest player, holding Bowe to 0 catches (should have had one that was called back due to a ridiculous offensive pass interference call). Carr helped limit Lloyd to only 2 catches, while tallying 5 pass breakups, an incredible number. Big props to Carr, who's worst games of his career have come against the Denver Broncos. Well, he made up for it on Sunday, turning in the best game of his career.

For those of you clamoring for my thoughts on Nebraska's defeat in the Big 12 Championship, read this.

His Dirtyness