NCAA Tournament Awards

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So most of the following pertains to the first weekend of NCAA Tournament games, but I choose to write them nonetheless! Try and look past the immediate relevance of them and enjoy the ridiculousciousness...

And the award goes to....

PLAYERS

For being the best player in the NCAA Tournament (written before last night's manhandling of the Dukies) - Derrick Williams, Arizona

For potentially being the best College Basketball player of all time - Tyrel Reed, Kansas (has a chance to surpass Shane Battier for most wins by one player if KU makes the National Championship Game)

For making the Dirkness All-Tournament team: Jacob Pullen - Kansas St, Jimmer Fredette - BYU, Brandon Knight - Kentucky, Derrick Williams - Arizona, Tyler Zeller - North Carolina

For making the Dirkness second team All-Tournament team: Kemba Walker - UConn, Shelvin Mack - Butler, Erving Walker - Florida, Marcus Morris - Kansas, Joshua Smith- UCLA

For being this year's Omar Sanham (Dirkness mancrush) - Kenneth Faried, Morehead St.

For being this Tournament's Keiton Page (thus bothering Dirkness to no end) - Chandler Parsons, Florida

For being a homeless man's Tyler Hansbrough - Josh Harrellson, Kentucky

For obviously being on steroids - Jimmer Fredette, BYU

For the dumbest play of the Tournament - John Henson, North Carolina - near goaltending at the end of UNC-Wash game (dumber than Pitt-Butler fouls because there was absolutely nothing to gain)

For best nickname - The Mazzula Oblongota, West Virginia

For the second best nickname - Little Onions - Erving Walker, Florida

For most nicknames for one player - Deniz Kilicli, West Virginia - The Turkish Torpedo, The Bearded Clam, The Overmatched Bond Villain, Zangief

For having the best name of the Tournament - MoMo Jones, Arizona

For having the best chance to succeed based on birth name - Bradford Burgess, VCU

For the weirdest KU-related sighting - David Padgett, Louisville (coaching)

For the second weirdest KU-related sighting - Quintrell Thomas, UNLV

For having the best post-game celebration - MoMo Jones, Arizona - Blowing a kiss to the camera while slobbering uncontrollably

TEAMS

For being the true Cinderellas of the NCAA Tournament - Richmond Spiders (most opening round wins as a 12 seed or lower - 5, Tulsa - 3)

For creating argument about who's the true Cinderella - Gonzaga ZagDogs (8-4 as a double digit seed since 1999)

For being the first team ever - Michigan (won a game with no made free throws)

For putting up the biggest Georgetown-like first round lay down - Georgetown

For putting up the biggest Pitt-like Tournament letdown - Pitt

For annually being picked to go further in brackets than they actually go - Texas

For being the least impressive surviving team of the first weekend (written before Sweet 16) - San Diego St.

For being the most impressive team of the Tournament - VCU

For being the easiest Sweet 16 matchup to pick - UNC over Marquette

For being the biggest Sweet 16 toss up - VCU/Florida St.

For having the best fight song: Arizona

MISCELLANEOUS

Scariest sighting - Dan Bonner's overzealous smily face

Silliest looking future leaders of America - Princeton fans in orange-man suits

Weirdest Tournament follow-up show - TruTV's Bicycle Soccer

Best mispronunciation of the Tournament - Charles Barkley - "cramps" ("crabs", "craps")

Troofest statement of the Tournament - Charles Barkley - "Texas is a team that relies on talent alone, but shows very poor fundamentals"

Rule change suggestion - His Dirkness - No more 1-in-1 free throws (too big an emphasis on free throw shooting)

Coolest NCAA Tournament connection - Sean Miller, Arizona - threw the pass that led to "Send it in, Jerome" call...



: Best Send it in Jerome of the Tournament - Derrick Williams, Arizona...



Best prediction - Charles Barkley - picking Arizona to beat Duke even at halftime while trailing by 6 (narrowly edging Dirkness' prediction of Arizona to beat Duke from the beginning)

Best announcing term of the Tournament - Gus Johnson - "Crosstown traffic" (narrowly edging Gus Johnson's "Oooohhhhooooohhhhhh")

Most overused announcing term - "heat check"

Most underused announcing term - "hockey assist"


Sky high in brackets,
His Bracketness

2010 Kansas City Chiefs Midseason Report

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We are halfway through the season, which means it's time for some midseason reporting on this Kansas City Chiefs team. Yes, this would've been 20x funner (it's a word) if the Chiefs had made a play to win the game at five different junctures against the Raiders on Sunday. But whatdyagonnado? Fuhgeddaboutit!

But everybody, please quit pretending like the Raiders are good. Did you see how bad they looked on Sunday? I have zero fear in losing the division to them. Only the Chargers. People picking the Raiders to win the division is obsurd. Talk to me after the Chiefs stomp that ass at Arrowhead.

So how's this gonna work? I'm going to grade each and every player's contribution to the team so far, followed by the lasting thought of them from the first half of the 2010 season. Expectation is somewhat of a factor, so if you see a good player who is struggling low on the list, do not freak out. I will be listing them in order of performance, starting with who I consider the Chiefs' best player to be on the year.

Without further ado, lets boogie....

"A's"

• Jamaal Charles (96)- Gets nod at #1 because running game has carried us this year. Been the best player since his 56-yard touchdown run against Chargers in the opener.
• Tamba Hali (94)- I've been telling everybody since the 2009 preseason that he would thrive at the Outside Linebacker position. He's making me look good. Earning his Muhammad Hali nickname.
• Brandon Flowers (93)- The team's best player for 7 weeks may have been the worst player on the field in the 8th game.
• Ryan Lilja (92)- Selected as All-Pro by both ESPN and Sports Illustrated. Hadn't caught my eye that much, but there must be something there.
• Glenn Dorsey (91)- Chiefs' most improved player will be our very own Richard Seymour in two years.
• Branden Albert (90)- Will be the Chiefs' left tackle for the next 10 years.

"B's"

• Derrick Johnson (89)- Must have finally learned his vocabulary word handed to him before every season: Consistency.
• Wallace Gilberry (88)- Officially launching my campaign to get noticed by Gilberry, my favorite Chief. Would love chance to interview or just hang out with him. If you know him, tell him I'm his #1 fan.
• Tony Moeaki (88-not an accident)- Shocking that he has been the best rookie on the Chiefs team.
• Casey Wiegmann (87)- I thought he was the biggest difference maker on the Chiefs' line until Lilja's accolades started rolling in.
• Ryan Succop (87)- The missed kick in OT against the Bills was entirely not his fault. Trust him in the clutch.
• Thomas Jones (86)- Love everything he's done except for inability to pick up 3rd-and-1, which is starting to become a real problem for this team.
• Shaun Smith (86)- Crotch-grabbing stats are down, production is down. Coincidence?
• Brian Waters (85)- Still the man despite being owned by Richard Seymour on Sunday.
• Dwayne Bowe (84)- Take away two drops and Chiefs fans are calling him D-Pro-Bowe.
• Jovan Belcher (84)- Been spectacularly solid this year. Big time upgrade over Mays from last year.
• Brandon Carr (83)- Some good games, some bad games. Gets a ton of balls thrown his way because of Flowers on the opposite side. Still only in his third year. Still worthy of starting.
• Dexter McCluster (82)- Offense has sputtered since The Ole Missile was injured two weeks ago. Alright Seinfeld fans, "Get well, get well soon, we wish you to get well!"
• Jon McGraw (81)- A surprisingly big factor on the Chiefs' defense this year.  Tied for the team lead in INT's. Needs to pitch it to Berry after his next pick though. Seriously.
• Eric Berry (81)- Chiefs' most improved player throughout the year. Shuts down outside sweeps like he is shot out of a cannon. Still vulnerable to playaction though.
• Barry Richardson (80)- Thought to be a weak link on the line before the season, may come out of the season as a big part of the Chiefs future.

"C's"

• Andy Studebaker (79)- Would like to see him on the field more the latter part of this year. I think we will.
• Ron Edwards (79)- Better than last year probably due to playing less snaps. Crucial part of solid run defense.
• Mike Cox (78)- Running game seems to flow better with him at fullback. Unsure why he was replaced by Castille for the Raiders game, but our running game seemed to suffer.
• Matt Cassel (77)- Read this.
• Jon Asamoah (77)- Had a funny dream that Asamoah got pulled over and was performing offensive line drills in full pads as part of a sobriety test, which I was watching on ESPN. Thought this was true for the better part of a week.
• Javier Arenas (76)- With his punt return for a TD leaving my conscious mind, his mistakes in the return game are piling up. May have cost us the Raiders game with flubbed kick return. Made some plays at cornerback though.
• Tyson Jackson (75)- How he responds to being benched this year will foreshadow how the rest of his career in Kansas City will go. Dorsey's development gives me faith in Tyson.
• Terrance Copper (75)- Made a hell of a catch against Jacksonville for a crucial 3rd down conversion. Could he be the best blocking receiver in the NFL? I'm secretly a big Terrance Copper fan.
• Thomas Gafford (75)- Don't remember a single bad snap this year. Kendall Gammon Jr.
• Mike Vrabel (73)- Should maybe be listed under coaches. Love his intangibles, but a better pass rusher is too crucial for his position. 0 sacks.
• Kendrick Lewis (73)- Has disappeared since the first few games. I think he's been injured. Bright future though.
• Dustin Colquitt (72)- Is tied with his brother (Britton-Denver) in net punt average this year, unfortunately they're tied for 21st in the league.
• Verran Tucker (72)- One play. One catch. One foot?
• Demorrio Williams (71)- Seems to get a lot of special teams penalties, no? Would be solid filling in for injury's sake. Love his passion.
• Brodie Croyle (70)- Sure does make a much better backup QB than starting QB.

"D's"

• Anthony Toribio (69)- I questioned who #98 was three weeks in a row in my notebook. Then I learned.
• Donald Washington (68)- Victim of god awful defensive holding call on final drive against the Raiders. Also, had his ankles broken against the Texans. Better than our last #27 though.
• Jackie Battle (66)- Keep seeing his highlight of reaching the ball over the goal-line. Could he be a potential solution to our 3rd-and-1 problems?
• Leonard Pope (63)- He's tall.
• Jake O'Connell (62)- He got popped by Bernard Pollard, which was followed by Pollard staring down the Chiefs' sideline.

"F's"

• Tim Castille (58)- Wasn't his first name Quentin?
• Rudy Niswanger (50)- More about his last year's play than this year's.
• Ryan O'Callaghan (50)- See Niswanger, Rudy.
• Corey Mays (50)- See O'Callaghan, Ryan.
• Travis Daniels (42)- Played the Raiders kickoff return TD horribly. He was the guy on the edge backpedaling all the way up until Jacoby was way past him.
• Chris Chambers (37)- Apparently doesn't care anymore.

Incompletes:

• Justin Cole- Leads the list of linebackers that I didn't know we had.
• Cory Greenwood- Was watching the whole preseason under the assumption he was somebody else.
• Mark Simoneau- Happy Veteran's Day.
• Charlie Anderson- Isn't he part of the Dave Chapelle team?
• Jackie Bates- Gotta be Jackie Battle's cousin.
• Reshard Langford- Gotta be Keith Langford's cousin.

Coaches:

• Todd Haley (91)- As previously stated, I love his 4th down gambles and the effect it will have on the team for the future. Since he is the long-term guy, it is impossible to give him a bad grade given where the team was last year, and where it is this year. But, run Jamaal Charles more.
• Charlie Weis (79)- Gets all the credit for the progression of the offensive line this year. Gets all the blame for the disaster that 3rd-and-1's have become for the Chiefs. Shouldn't the best running team in football dominate 3rd-and-1's? I don't get it. Also, run Jamaal Charles more.
• Romeo Crennel (97)- Would probably get my team MVP vote if possible. He should be in the running for NFL Assistant Coach of the Year. Somehow, he shored up our run defense and 3rd down defense (two favorite defensive statistics) into top-10 units. Now if we could just get them to run Jamaal Charles more.

Team Awards:

MVP: Tamba Hali

Offensive Player of the Year: JamaAL Charles

Defensive Player of the Year: Brandon Flowers

Offensive Rookie of the Year: Tony Moeaki

Defensive Rookie of the Year: Eric Berry

Most Improved Player: Glenn Dorsey

Most Surprising Player: Casey Wiegmann/Shaun Smith

Most Disappointing Player: Dustin Colquitt

Most Schizophrenic Player: Dwayne Bowe

Most Underrated Player: Wallace Dean Gilberry

His dirkness

Go Chiefs!!!