NBA Finals Player Power Rankings

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NBA Finals, baby! And we got a good one. As much as I wanted the Celtics to beat the Heat, I must admit that the Finals are better with the Heat vs. Thunder (by the way, will The Weather Channel be broadcasting these games?). We've got two noteworthy teams. We've got the two best players in basketball with the throne on the line. And we've got a team to definitively root for. What more could you ask for? Leggo...

1. Kevin Durant, Oklahoma City Thunder.

The most historically successful strategy for a star player to win in the NBA goes like this: Get all of your teammates involved for three quarters, seize control whenever your team goes through a lull, and then take over come the 4th quarter. Michael Jordan did this better than anybody. Kobe Bryant struggled with this idea internally, but found his greatest successes following this formula. It took Dirk Nowitzki to the mountain top last season. Slim Thugga followed this blueprint to a tee in the Western Conference Finals. It was impressive to watch. I give Durant the advantage over Lebron simply because he has become more trustworthy in the 4th quarter. For an 82 game season? Give me Lebron. For Game 7 of the NBA Finals? Give me Durant. In a 7 game series for the right to be called the best basketball player in the world? Well, we're about to find that out.

2. Lebron James, Miami Heat.

Lebron James is a lot like Tim Tebow. No, seriously. And here's why. Both their biggest fans and their biggest critics are exactly right. Yes, Lebron James is the best basketball player in the world (contrary to my rankings, there's a difference between being the best and being the most successful). And yes, he has clearly struggled down the stretch of important games before. Now, take Tim Tebow. Yes, he's a terrible quote, unquote quarterback. But yes, something in his DNA breeds winning football games. (The ironic part is that the two players' successes are directly inversive to one another). Not many athletes can prove their biggest fans and their biggest critics right on a nightly basis. My suggestion for enjoying the spectacle of it all? Sit firmly on the fence. Because hopping down on either side of the fence doesn't allow you to enjoy all of the many aspects offered to us by Lebron James. Marvel at him with the ball in the open court. Criticize him for shooting too many jump shots. Appreciate his hunger to dominate every single time he steps on an NBA court. Question his hot potato instincts that kick in with the game on the line. You're doing yourself an injustice by blindly following one side or the other (ahem, Nick Wright). Embrace both sides of the most compelling athlete of our time. Trust me.

3. Russell Westbrook, OKCT (like TMNT).

Westbrook is downright scary. For both his team's fans, and his opponent's team's fans. Because of his style of play, Russell "Stringer" Westbrook can singlehandedly win or lose a game for his team. If he's hitting his shot from the elbow, he's damn near unstoppable. When he loses control, and starts wildly driving to the basket, he becomes something of a liability. Westbrook, and the Thunder, are at their best when he's taking the same amount of shots as Kevin Durant, something to keep your eye on throughout the Finals. P.S. I had totally forgotten that Westbrook signed a 5 year extension this past offseason, all but guaranteeing the immediate future for this Thunder team. That could be a damn shrewd move, especially if they were to win it all this offseason, erasing any doubts that Westbrook might want to go be "the man" elsewhere.

4. Dyanwe Wdae, Maimi Haet.

My most hated player in the NBA. I don't like people with a strong sense of entitlement. I don't like people that feel the need to advertise what type of person they are (look how tough I am guys! I keep getting up after all my self-inflicted flops to the ground!). I don't like people who mock my namesake and then get their asses kicked. I don't like players who get handed NBA Titles for little to no reason. I don't like players who won't face the media after a loss. I don't like players who get off scott free, while their teammate, who is better, faces the scrutiny of the world. And I don't like you, Dwyane. The only good part about watching Wade take part in another series is that I get to continue my Hye Dnwyae series.

5. Chris Bosh, Miami Heat.

It'll be interesting to see what role Bosh plays in these Finals. I think I liked him better coming off the bench for this Heat team. He seemed to play with more energy and showed no rust whatsoever on his jumpshots. Is that purely because he's coming off the bench? No, probably not. But if you got something that's working for him, why change? Also, I've never understood the logic behind starting your best 5 players. Anybody notice that the Sixth Man Award has recently rotated between Manu Ginobili (Spurs), Jason Terry (Mavericks), Lamar Odom (Lakers), and now James Harden (Thunder)? Those are the most successful teams in the NBA. There's an irrefutable pattern there. P.S. I fully expect Spoelstra to move Bosh into the starting lineup and watch him flounder.

6. Serge Ibaka, Okc Thunder.

Iblocka. Chewbaka. I block you. Interested to see what role Ibaka plays as well. While Ibaka is a terrific shot blocker (most shot blocks per game since Theo Ratliff's expiring contract in 2000-01), I'm not sure if he's a great on the ball defender (my best evidence is Dirk roasting him in last year's WCF). So, while I think Ibaka will start out on Bosh, I think he'll eventually be the Thunder's only big man in a smaller lineup, and will feel free to roam the lane off of Udonis Haslem.

7. James Harden, Thunder.

Amazing that a rising star in the league could be the 7th best player in these NBA Finals. And he's hot right now. Harden shot 61% from 3-point range against the Spurs. He also had the balls to hit the biggest shot of that series, a Paul Pierce-esque three with 30 seconds left in Game 5. He is also foul call dependent, benefitting from a tightly called game as much as anybody. Harden is the ultimate X-factor because he is the 4th option that the Heat don't have.

8. Mario Chalmers, Heat.

Or do they? Chalmers has blossomed into a legitimate NBA point guard. I know this because I've been rooting against him for two straight years, so all homerism has been removed from the equation. He's gotten downright crafty at finishing around the rim lately, polishing off a nice floater that Jeff Van Gundy will rant and rave about ("every guard in the NBA needs that shot"). My favorite running joke of these NBA playoffs so far? Remember the days when Dwyane Wade was better than Mario Chalmers.

9. Thabo Specialosha, 'Der.

My favorite of all the role players in this series. This will be the man assigned to stop Lebron James. Is he up for the task? I dunno, but he HAS to be a better choice than Brandon Bass (Seriously, Doc? Brandon Bass? BRANDON BASS?!?). He's got the quickness and height to hang with him. And I'm not sure if Lebron's post up game is polished enough yet to take advantage of the size difference. I think he'll do a solid job.

10. Shane Battier, Heatles.

He was great in Game 7 against Boston. The Heat don't win without his 3-point shooting in that game. He'll always make the smart play. Can never be trusted because of his wrinkly head.

11. Nick Collison, oKC.

One of my favorite players to watch in the NBA. He'll never get the respect he deserves because of his dorky style of play, but I love it. Great hands, great feet, tough, efficient scorer, rebounder, and defender. Immensely underrated. I think he plays a bigger role in this series than...

12. Kendrick Perkins, Dun 'Der Cheap.

Not the series for The Big Scowl. Kendrick brings one big strength to the table - post defense. But the Heat don't have any players that score in the post. With his strength all but negated, Perkins becomes somewhat of a liability against a smaller, quicker lineup. I think Perkins keeps his spot in the starting lineup but plays less than 20 minutes a game the latter half of the series.

13. Udonis Haslem, Heatorade.

I have absolutely nothing to say about Haslem.

14. Derek Fisher, Laker 4 Life.

Hits big shots. Seriously bad defender.

15. James Jones, Souff Beach.

Don't understand why this sharpshooter doesn't see more time on the pine. He's deadly from outside.

16. Mike Miller, Welcome to Miami, Bienvenido a Miami.

Ever wondered what a punk rocker with a broken back would look like in an NBA Finals game?

17. Joel Anthony, Heat.

I love when he goes to the free throw line and everybody sitting at home simultaneously thinks, "Huh, I didn't know he was left handed."

18. Cole Aldrich, Thunder.

Has really refined his bench game. We may be seeing the next Mark Madsen blossoming right before our eyes.

19. Juwan Howard, Michigan Wolverines.

Two minutes.........DOS!

26. Lazar Hayward, Okc.

#ThunderTits. If you don't know yet, you will soon.

Go Thunder,

His Dirkness

LeBron and Wade - Bunch o' Bitches

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It dawned on me soon after watching the video of Dwyane Wade and Baby Bwon Bwon mocking The Man, himself, that I haven't spit enough venomous, irrational hate towards the Heat. And isn't that what being a fan is all about? I say yes.

{Note: For the record, I do not intend for this piece to be articulate, sensible, or even well written. This is unfiltered hatred aimed at a team that I believe completely deserves it. This isn't a post that I'd like to be judged on, and I might even regret writing it at some point. However, I want this to be written and will stand behind everything that I say.}

In case you have yet to see the video I'm referring to, here it is...




These two chumps are so fukkin ig'nant that I don't think they fully realize just how badly Dirk is kicking both of their asses right now. The idea is that when you mock somebody, you should be beating them (and even then it's kinda cheap) or be prepared to bring it. Well, LeBron is putting on one of the bitchiest performances of all time, and not even just in sports, but in life. And Wade opened himself up to an equal amount of mockery by questionably exiting Game 5 of the Finals (can't tell you how many people I heard question the validity of it all). Not to mention, that the use of mockery would only really be fitting if Dirk had lost the game for his team and then used his sickness as his excuse. Well, my sources tell me that the Mavs won that game and Dirk hit the big shots down the stretch. But don't worry, you guys looked plenty cool mocking the man that's currently whooping up on you.

Lets set the record straight before we get too far ahead of ourselves. Dwyane Wade gets up to the podium each and every day complaining about how nobody likes him or his teammates, and he can't figure out why (he usually goes into a tough guy routine about how it doesn't bother him and that his team is fine with it). Well, I'd buy that because of the team's success thus far, but then why would he continue to whine about it over and over? It's as if he's still in high school and doesn't have any friends, only those kids usually handle themselves better than Dwyane has - Congrats to your mother by the way, she spells about as well as Grandfather Favre. I'm sure she's a true scholar. I might be getting too personal, so before I feel any ounce of empathy for what I'm writing, I'd like to say fuck you, Wade, you're a whiny ass bitch.

Meanwhile, the 2nd man in this video. Ay, ay, ay, where do I start? Well, how about the way he follows D-Wade's lead in this video, as well as everything else he does. He, too, resembles a desperate, insecure high schooler who will do anything to be liked by his night and shining armor, Dwyane Wade. I think 'Bron may have disappointed Daddy Wade in Game 3 and he still hasn't gotten over it. I'm sure he cries himself to sleep at night wishing that he would've handled the situation differently, calling Wade in the middle of the night begging for his forgiveness, only Wade is tired of listening to him complain about his menstruation problems.

LeBron remember when you used to be your own man and followed every one of Jay-Z's moves? Oh wait, I guess you have always been a follower. There's no surer sign of a weak individual than somebody who is afraid to be himself. "I'm gonna do what everybody else does in effort to be cool and fit in." That just might be his motto. Or maybe being so afraid of failure that you don't even try is weaker. Tough to say. Hopefully, PTI does a Toss-up on it next week. However, I think one is a cowardly act in sports, while the other relates more to overall life. Good thing he has them both covered.

My guess is that these guys might figure this all out someday and look back on this embarrassingly. Their kids might even ask them about it, and If they were any kind of men they might own up to it and explain the errors in their way. But they would have to dump truckloads of ignorance to ever reach that point. To these two, they can do no wrong. This is their world and everybody else is just visiting. If they lose, it's their fault, and if they win it's because of their excellence. Their level of entitlement is so far off the charts it's unreal. Good luck with your 8 Chumpionships.

Woo, that felt good. This LeBrant isn't really indicative of how I feel right now, entrenched in the middle of possibly the best NBA Finals of all time. However, I felt the need to stick up for my man, who is in no position to respond (except for on the court) to these two clowns.

Go Dirk, Go Mavs, Fuck the Heat,

His Dirkness

10 Thoughts on LeBron

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I've been trying to stay solely focused on the Dallas Mavericks throughout these NBA Finals because of the mostly one-sided focus of the national media, but The LeBhronicles have become too damn fascinating. And who doesn't like a Top 10 list? So here goes...

(Note: Michael Jordan's name will not make one appearance in this write-up after this paragraph. The fact that any and every good player gets compared to MJ on a game-to-game basis is an incredibly lazy and elementary train of thought. To make Lebron out as a failure simply because he doesn't measure up to Jordan is absurdly ridiculous. Anybody who states "Jordan would never have done that" in reference to LeBron deserves to be mushroom stamped by a big, fat LeBroner. End rant.)

1. All of the LeBronalysis that followed the LeBreltdown is leading up to tonight's crescendo, in what could be the most intriguing game the NBA has produced since Michael J.....damnit! Since No-Tippin' Pippen and the Chicago Bulls won their last Championship in 1998 (and that's only what most people would say, I'd say ever). Not only is the power of an NBA Championship on the line, a title that would be the first for each of the team's biggest stars. But can you remember a game with so much significance placed on one man's shoulders? Whether LeBron plays good or bad, he's going to be the story. And every action of his on the court is fair game. How will he react? With what we've seen from him before, anything from another single digit no-show to a 50-point takeover is possible. Hell, I wouldn't rule out him giving birth to a baby hippo at midcourt, AND THEN hitting the game winning shot. One thing is for sure, for better or worse, and whether he likes it or not, LeBron has all of our eyes directly on him.

2. Lebron has played mostly bad in the NBA Finals and was truly awful in Game 4. However, the most interesting part of his Game 4 meltdown wasn't that he played a bad game (because everybody has bad games), it was how eager he was to disappear. Have you ever seen a 6'9, 270 pound man try to hide in an arena filled with 19,600 people that happens to be on television with over 16 million people watching from home? Well, if you watched Tuesday night's game then you did. While much of the Game 3 criticism was unfair, it was foreshadowingly clear that he wanted no part in being a deciding factor of the game, or the series. He seemed so afraid of failing that he didn't even try, which is cowardly - and I don't like saying that - I'd much rather hurl that insult Jay Cutler's way, who actually went through a very similar situation in the NFC Championship Game this year - but it is very cowardly.

3. I wouldn't label LeBron as a choker, but when he does start to feel the pressure, he feels it immensely. And he shuts down in an unbelievable fashion. Like "Are you sure LeBron is still playing?" fashion. Like "Oh my god, is one of his teammates sleeping with his Mom?" fashion. The first big case of it was seen in last year's Game 5 loss to the Boston Celtics. But, Game 4 of these Finals may have been a bigger, better, and brighter example.

4. The most surprising part of the Game 4 LeBreltdown might have been what happened before it. Jason Terry, who likes to talk, and who had been shut down by LeBron in the previous 3 games, called him out, saying that he wants to see if LeBron continue to shut him down throughout the entirety of the series. Everybody thought he was crazy. You're gonna call out LeBron after he already had enough motivation coming off a game where he received a tremendous amount of criticism despite winning? However, it's impossible to say it didn't work. I wouldn't pinpoint it as the main reason for LeBron's poor performance, but it very well could've been a factor. And yes, it was Terry shaking free from LeBron and hitting the two most important shots of Game 4. Did the words play a part in his intimidated demeanor, or was it simply the moment?

5. The other theory about the causation of the LeBreltdown is that he is somewhat sensitive. Was he sensitive from the tongue lashing he got via Dwyane Wade down the stretch of Game 3? Or was he sensitive from the infamous Gregg Doyel question, when he asked him about shrinkage ('it shrinks? Yes, like a frightened turtle')? Was all of that in his head? Did it lead to him questioning himself and his game? Was the talk of Wade winning the Finals MVP over him a factor? Was he affected by the talk of The Rapture? Will we ever find out the answers to any of these questions? How many questions can I write in a row? Answer - 8.

6. The biggest LeSponse being tossed around is that 'Bron is simply fatigued - physically, mentally, and emotionally. He played every single game this season with an eff-U attitude aimed at the rest of the league, because of how everybody responded to The Decision. He's played atleast 39 minutes (usually in the 45-46 minute range) in every playoff game. The solution to this seems simple enough (rest him more during games), while the blame has to fall squarely on Erik Spoelstra (for not resting him more during the inconsequential regular season). I expect to see him take a few breathers in tonight's Game 5, while I expect the Mavs to run Jason Terry in circles if they stick LeBron on him again.

7. Even at his very worst, LeBron is still comparable to, say, Rajon Rondo. He still dished out 7 assists, including a length of the court outlet pass that hit D-Wade in stride, giving him a chance to tie the game at the free throw line with 30 ticks left. He still came down with 9 rebounds. He still came to the postgame presser in an olive green blazer. He still....well, that's all I got, but I fulfilled my obligation to include one optimistic thought!

8. LeBron has never had to work hard for what he's wanted. Everything has always been handed to him. He was born with the athleticism that makes him the most talented basketball player in the world. He became a household name in high school before he'd ever really accomplished anything. He didn't stay in Cleveland trying to make it work. He came to Miami expecting Championships to be handed to him. He might just not know how to work hard for what he wants, but this could be developed over his career.

9. The polarization of LeBron is fantastic for sports and NBA fans. While his fans remain insecure without a go-to argument like Kobe's 5 rings, the haters remain terrified of what will happen if he gets his head on straight. However, the point that most of his fans are missing when they complain about the amount of hate he endures, is that it's a tremendous sign of respect. It's his greatness that leads to polarization like that. Remember that if you're a LeBron fan and you've taken on the attitude of the Heat, whining every chance you get about how everybody is rooting against you. A non-response might be more telling than an articulate response. People would stop hating pretty fast.

10. I wonder if LeBron would change his Decision knowing everything that he knows now. All the hate, all the criticism. Is it worth it? Would one Championship as the top dog outweigh multiple as something of a sidekick (might be able to ask Dirk after this series)? Would he prefer to go back to being beloved by a city (and a country) at the risk of never winning a ring? Has this been experience been anything like he imagined (there's no way right?)? This is a question that will never get answered because LeBron has to live with the results and would never admit that he made the wrong choice. It was the choice he made. It was - The Decision.

His Dirkness

How Dirk and the Mavs Did It

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Complete and utter frustration. That's the only way I could describe what it was like watching the first 41 minutes of Thursday night's Game 2 of the NBA Finals. While I sat in despair as the Mavs' potential title chances fell by the wayside, I couldn't help but think, "I've seen this before." Once again, the moment was too big for Dirk Nowitzki and the Dallas Mavericks. No matter how badly the announcers wanted me to believe it was the Miami Heat's suffocating defense and unmatchable star power, I couldn't shake the feeling that the Mavs were somewhat...intimidated. Committing elementary turnovers (Kidd and Dirk with 5 apiece) and bricking shot after shot that they had lived on through the entirety of these NBA Playoffs, the Mavs, led by The Dirkster, were once again coming up short on the sport's biggest stage. And then something interesting happened...

Dirk and the Mavs hit rock bottom.

Dwyane Wade had just sunk a 3 and slowly meandered through the Dallas Mavericks huddle, who had just called a timeout, in a move that was as bitchy as D-Wade gets when he drives to the basket. After 7 1/2 miserable quarters of basketball, the Mavs found themselves down 15 points, with 7 minutes to play in the game, in their season, and in some ways, Dirk's career. The Heat were well on their way to a title, without a worthy challenger in sight. Meanwhile, I sat with both hands covering my face, watching the game in between my fingers.

And then it happened.

Hitting rock bottom can work magic sometimes. You know how in movies, it usually takes the character in conflict to get as low as possible before they realize what's important and turn themselves around once and for all? It sounds silly, but this serves as a valid comparison to Dirk and the Mavs. Once the game seemed out of reach, the pressure was lifted off of the Mavs. Suddenly, they weren't playing to win the NBA Finals anymore, they were just playing basketball. In fact, it was the first time all series that they were actually playing Dallas Maverick basketball - Finally, some Mavsketball! It was all very reminiscent of the Indianapolis Colts finally getting over the hump in the NFL. Much like the Mavs, the moment always proved to be too big for the Colts. While they dominated the regular season year in and year out, they always came up short in the Playoffs. It wasn't until a 21-3 deficit in the AFC Championship against their arch nemesis, the New England Patriots, that the Colts were finally able to seize the moment, and reach their full potential of winning a Championship. They came back to win 38-34.

These following moments could be what Mavs fans always look back upon when discussing what became of this season. For these types of moments, I think it's always cool to go back and try to recapture what you were thinking at the time, so I'm gonna kick it into personal narrative mode...

Jason Terry hits a shot (making him 1-18 on the night by my count). Then, he hits a layup (I'm excited that he might get a rhythm going for Game 3). Then Lebron gets stuffed by the rim (the first sure sign that the Heat had completely removed their foot from the gas). Then a cheap foul leads to 2 Terry free throws (I love how the NBA sends a trailing team to the line so easily). Then Chris Bosh misses a shot like a Bosh. Then Shawn Marion (best Mav of this series) hits a fancy banker. The bleeding temporarily stops with 2 'Bron free throws on an iffy foul call. 90-81. Then Kidd hits a big-time, wide open 3 (the first moment I truly believed). 'Bron misses again, and Terry hits again (a sentence that seemed impossible to write at one point and time). Then Bosh dribbles the ball off his leg and out of bounds (#LikeATerry).

Dirk time. He hits a long jumper after getting wide open somehow (what happened to that swarming defense?). Haslem and Dirk trade misses (the Mavs' only missed shot of the final 6:30). The Heat finally get a stop and can now regain control with one made shot (crucial moment), but all they can muster are two inconceivable, off balanced, fadeaway 3's from 'Bron (loves to shoot deep shots with the game on the line). The team that could do no wrong down the stretch of Playoff games now find themselves relying on unanswered prayers. Dirk hits a layup in transition that plays out in slow motion because of its inevitability from midcourt. After the Heat clank another desperation 3, it's time for Dirk to work his magic. Time stops as he launches an open 3 (jersey untucked). I have 8 or 9 complete thoughts while the ball was in the air. This is it. This is his shot. This is his time. Splash down. Bang-a-rang. Squish.

Only I forgot the Heat have somebody clutch on their team as well. Somebody that I've seen hit a big shot before (you may be asking 'to beat USC right?' - but what I actually mean is the National Championship Game). I feel unfazed. I don't even react. I knew it was in the moment Chalmers shot it (Apparently, Dirk cussed out Terry in the huddle following this play). It was time for Dirk to go to work once again. Heat coach Eric Spoelstra elects to put Chris Bosh on Dirk (despite Haslem's overwhelming career success against him). Dirk gets the ball with 10 seconds on the clock and attacks with 8 (earlier than usual because the Heat have a foul to give). He dribbles right, spins left, hesitates, and then blows by Bosh (#LikeABosh) finishing with his left hand that domesticates his injured finger ('Bron elects not to help off of Terry). He has just made the biggest shot of his career and his casual strut shows it. I can't believe he drove the ball. I'm sure I'm not the only one. The Heat get a decent look to win the game but it clangs off the rim. While Wade looks at the ref for a foul (#LikeABitch), Dirk displays a look of shock on his face. I know the feeling. It's a feeling of emotional numbness, amidst all the chaos and hysteria, when you know you're the man, and you look at your fellow comrades to make sure they all know that you're the man too. There's nothing else left to accomplish (for now).

Ball. Game. Unbelievable. Incredible. Miraculous. It was the kind of game that makes me happy I'm just a blogger, and not a professional writer, so I could justifiably celebrate what had just happened. I was so overcome with emotions that there was nothing else left to do but get wasted. Chocolatey wasted. And that, my friends, is why you're reading my reaction to the most unbelievable comeback I've ever seen today instead of yesterday.

Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to find out what you're really made of.

His Dirkness

NBA Finals Preview

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It has slowly dawned on me that I am about to hate everything associated with the Miami Heat. That's what happens with your team's opponent in a series with these implications on the line. It's very easy to hate a team in the NBA. Everybody whines. Everybody flops. If there's a team that you want to hate, you will hate them. And I want to hate the Miami Heat. I've been on the fence with them throughout most of the season because I loved the intrigue they brought to the NBA's regular season. But the regular season is no longer. My hatred has slowly grown throughout the playoffs, with what I perceive as unearned knob-slobbing. But my hatred is nowhere near where it's about to be. I already cannot stand watching these little videos about them on ESPN, hearing them complain about how nobody likes them, sounding like a bunch of school boy bitches. I look forward to my hatred though. Cheering for the Heat was fun for a little while, but I doubt I'll ever be able to go back to rooting for them after this series. I find myself glad that fate intervened and forced my hatred for Miami Heat.

If you haven't kept up with me this week be sure to read my previous write ups before tonight's Game 1:

The Key to the Dallas Mavericks' Success
Top 10 Reasons to be Excited for NBA Finals
Why you should Root for Dirk and the Mavs

On to the series....

Lebron v. Dirk - Let me start by saying that Lebron will have to outplay Dirk for the Heat to win the NBA Championship. Dirk has more help around him and the Mavs could survive an off game from him more easily than the Heat could 'Bron. If the Heat decide to double Dirk, he won't put up big numbers because he'll simply look to pass out of it every time. The Heat will throw a number of bodies at him including Chris Bosh (who plays defense Like a Bosh), Udonis Randy Mosslem (had success in 2006), and yes, even Lebronius. I'm a tiny bit afraid that 'Bron will find success in defending Dirk. He's got the perfect body frame to do so. However, he can't guard him the whole game (he'd wear out), but if he finds success, you might see Lebron on Dirk at the ends of games (oh, what a sight). The Mavs will put Shawn Marion on 'Bron for starters, but they will throw a number of different looks at him. The Mavs play more zone than anybody in the NBA (expect a lot of it), and at the end of the Thunder series actually had Kidd (who leads the NBA Playoffs in steals) guarding Durant, while Marion took Westbrook (never would've guessed that to begin with). The two stars very well could decide this series, but I think it's 'Bron who is the bigger deciding factor for his team (see how I just took all the pressure off Dirk there?).

Mavs' biggest problem - If the Miami Heat go small. If 'Bron finds success covering Dirk on the defensive end, the Heat will have the option to play him at the 4 spot, which creates mega matchup problems for the Mavs (Dirk ain't covering Lebron - side note - have we ever established if the B in Lebron is supposed to be capitalized?). They'd be forced to take Tyson Chandler out of the game, and when that happened against the Thunder, they scored on a number of easy shots. Dirk would be forced to cover Bosh (a mismatch in itself), and the Mavs would be without their defensive intimidator (Dirk cannot protect the rim or rebound well enough). Hopefully, Eric Spoelstra isn't smart enough to see this, or I'm wrong in my prediction, but keep an eye out for the Heat going small in this series.

Heat's biggest problem - JJ Barea. I'm 97% convinced that it's nearly impossible to shut down Barea on his offensive end. The way you take him out of the game is by capitalizing on his defensive short-comings (pun alert). If a guard has any sort of a post game, he will simply abuse The Streakin' Rican. However, the Heat's options at point guard don't pose much of a threat. Neither Mario Chalmers or Mike Bibby have any kind a post game. I'm expecting to see a lot of Barea in this series (also a lot of DeShawn Stevenson, who held DWade to 2 points in 30 minutes in the regular season. Although, I don't think this is a good series for Peja Stojanky Nuts, who cannot keep up with Wade or Bron). I do believe Barea has an outside shot at Finals MVP (rare enough, that I can't even get betting odds on it).

Heat strategery - Run Lola, run. The Heat have a decided advantage in team speed and overall athleticism. If the game turns into an up and down game, that strongly favors the younger Heat, considering they have two of the best transition players to ever play the game (Chalmers and Mike Miller, of course). Although, the Mavs have played a pretty up tempo game so far in these playoffs, so it'll be interesting to see if they purposely try and slow the game down.

Mavs strategery - Offensive efficiency. There has been a lot of talk about the defense of the Miami Heat, but they have yet to face an offense as versatile and effective as the Dirks. The Mavs pride themselves on always getting good shots, which begins and ends with Jason Kidd (literally because he's become such a good jump shooter out of nowhere). If they decide to double Dirk, he will look to pass out of it every time, most likely leading to a 3 point bomb from one of their many snipers - and the list is long - Terry, Barea, Kidd, Stojanky, hopefully not DeShawn.

Dwyane Wade - DWizzly looked very pedestrian in the Eastern Conference finals. If he puts up anything like that in these NBA Finals, the Heat will be toast. The Mavs will put up much more on the offensive end than the Bulls, and the Heat will need to counter that with 2 of their 3 studs putting up big numbers every game. If only 1 of them goes off, the Mavs will win. And if D-Wade doesn't put up big numbers, that puts all the pressure on Chris Bosh's shoulders, exactly where the Dirkness wants it.

Rebounding - The most telling stat in Basketball for me. If you control the boards, most of the time you'll control the game. You'd think the Heat would struggle in this category (or atleast I did) without a true center, but they actually rank better than the Mavs in these playoffs. Most likely, it is because they rebound well from the guard positions. The tide turned for the Heat after Game 1 against the Bulls, when they were able to even the rebounding, and thus, dominate the series. The Mavs have actually been out-rebounded so far in these playoffs. I literally just said this, but it bears repeating, whoever controls the boards will control these games.

PreDirktion - Gee, who ya think I'm going with here? I'm gonna believe what I've seen throughout these playoffs though - that nobody has looked better than the Dallas Mavericks. While watching both conference finals seriesi, I constantly remarked to anybody that would listen (thank you, Twitter) that the Mavs looked far superior to both the Heat and the Bulls. Barring a complete and utter dominating performance out of Lebron (which is about 25% possible), I'm taking the Mavs in a breeze. I think Dirk is on an absolute mission, and everybody on his team would literally go to war with him right now (good thing we're not in the 1940's). I believe the Heat are a bit full of themselves after marching through the weaker Eastern Conference, and won't be prepared for what they're about to run into. Unlike 2006, I believe this Mavs team has the necessary killer instinct to drive the stake into the heart. And they will.

Dallas Mavericks over Miami Heat in 5

His Dirkness

The Answer to the Miami Heat's Problems

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My infatuation with the Miami Heat continues. As I attempt to decide if I'm rooting for them or against them before the NBA Playoffs start, one thing is for sure, I can't take my eyes off of them. The Knicks-Heat game the other night was truly fantastic, and I even watched it with some knowledge of how things turned out. They are the most fascinating team in NBA history (which is to say, my history, which doesn't extend much beyond my fairly limited knowledge obtained in the post-Jordan era). Notice how I boast the Dallas Mavericks as my favorite team in the NBA, and even maintain the monicker His Dirkness (in tribute to two of my idols - The Dude and Dirk Nowitzki - for those of you who weren't in the know), and yet haven't watched more than three of their games all season. They can't come close to matching the interest level of the Miami Heat right now.

However, I must interject right quick about a current power struggle between my ears pertaining to my favorite team in the League. The New York Knicks were the team I was born and raised on because my brother was big into thuggery, to the likes of Charles Oakley and Anthony Mason (although I was a young tyke at the time, so I supported their guards like John Starks and Chris Childs - and even got me to cheer on Nebraska heartbreaker Charlie Ward). However, the Knicks have been so bad the last decade that I was almost forced to pick a new team. Enter Mark Cuban, Steve Nash, and Dirk Nowitzki. But now, the New York Knicks are back baby (!) with a roster full of new players that I all like. Amar'e Qwang-Zilla Stoudemire is a black jew, who sports the goggles, and shares a strong resemblance to my white-commonly-mistaken-as-jewish friend. Carmelo Anthony earned my respect downing KU in the National Championship Game and for standing as the lone exception to the rule that a freshman can't lead a college team to a N.C. Also, he's extremely fun to watch because he's a big body and likes to play physical (just like the old Knicks!). Chauncey Billups...well, it's just fun to say Chaunnnsay. The good news for me is that they play in separate conferences, now giving me a favorite team in the East and the West.

Back to the Miami Heat, who, despite their semi-gaudy 43-18 record, have struggled against the other elite teams in the league. It's bizarre to me how much they have truly become LeBron's team. Dwyane Wade has evolved from The Factor (remember when he cheated his way to an NBA title?) to The X-Factor to the Non-Factor. I forget he's even on the team when I watch the Heat. In fact, I can hardly tell a difference between last year's Cavaliers team and this year's Heat team. It's all LeBron. This got me to thinking, how could they maximize their talents? I thought about when they were at their best and when they were at their worst, which led me to one overriding question...

Has an NBA team ever deployed an all out 48-minute full court press?

Think about how perfect the Miami Heat are built for it. For starters, LeBron is completely unstoppable in transition. Once he starts the locomotive, you ain't stoppin it. Then you throw in D-Wizzly, who would make a perfect high-flying sidekick. Then you got the Heat's third most important player, Mario Chalmers (HA! #LikeABosh) who would be perfectly casted in a full court press style with his instincts and quick hands (interesting to note, that the Miami crowd turned on Mario last game, apparently chanting "Mario Sucks" during the game).

This move also downplays their worst aspect of play, their half court offense. It has been well-reported that they have struggled in close games, mostly because they can't operate on offense down the stretch. I have noticed that there's an effective way to guard LeBron by playing off of him and letting him shoot jump shots because A. He will shoot them and B. He's not that good at them. Suddenly, LeBron becomes LeBroff. Dwyane Wade starts wandering why his name is spelled so goofy and can be spotted swattin' flies in the corner. And Chris Bosh, well, he stays Chris Bosh.

I haven't even mentioned the pure surprise factor if they did unleash this strategy. NBA teams wouldn't be ready to handle it. Plus, a strategy like this elongates the game, which leads to the superior team winning at a higher percentage rate (an outmatched team will almost always try to slow a game down). Shouldn't the Miami Heat be a superior team to teams like the Bulls and Knicks (maybe not the Lakers or Celtics just yet because of their chemistry)?

I'm sure an NBA junkie could give tons of reasons why this idea wouldn't work (for starters, how does Erik Spoelstra get any of his players to listen to him?). I'm also sure many of those same people thought that the Miami Heat would coast to an NBA title this year. However, they might be right that it wouldn't work, but I won't believe it until I see it with my own eyes.

One thing is for sure, the future is bright for the NBA. I am unbelievably excited for the Playoffs. And I didn't even get a chance to delve into the reinvigorated Heat-Knicks rivalry, with the 1-on-1 matchup that everybody has wanted to see since they came into the league: Bron v. Melo.

His Dirkness

2010 NBA Draft Live Diary

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First news is that the Chicago Bulls might be trading Kirk Hinrich to the Washington Wizards, freeing up enough cap space enabling them to go after two max-contract players in free agency. Imagine LeBron or D-Wade paired with Carlos Boozer or Chris Bosh. All on top of Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah. Hellooooooooooooo.

On to the draft...

Wizards- John Wall- Can't help but imagine him using his dance in the bedroom.

76ers- Evan Turner- My main assist man, D-Tuck, drops off this dime: he strongly resembles a Sesame Street character.

Kings- DeMarcus Cousins- Only two years away from the unavoidable John Calipari scandal at Kentucky leading to him coaching Cousins along with another Calipari Cronie, Tyreke Evans, in Sacramento.

Warriors- Ekpe Udoh- Taking a dump in his first professional interview is a great start.

Pistons- Greg Monroe- Higher on him now than I was when I made my predictions.

Clippers- Al-Farouq Aminu- Ridiculous looking glasses.

Jazz- Gordon Hayward- As if he wasn't white enough already, now he plays for the Utah Jazz.

Pacers- Paul George- His name says it all.

Hornets- Cole Aldrich- Everything is so great man, I'm so happy, golly gee. Nice looking teeth though. TRADED to Thunder.

Grizzlies- Xavier Henry- Bilas claims he's purely a spot up shooter as they show repeated highlights of him driving to the basket. The only three times he did it all year, but still. Ironically, Xavier ends up in Memphis where he should have spent last year watching Mario Little and the Jayhawks host the National Championship.

Raptors- Ed Davis- Before the Toronto Raptors pick a USA chant breaks out. Is this aimed at Canadians or just a product of US Soccer sweeping the nation?

Rockets- Patrick Patterson- He's a big soccer fan and is cheering for Spain. Also supports the Yankees, Lakers, and oddly enough, Duke.

Bucks- Larry Sanders- I heard his show is pretty damn funny. Reminds me of Theo Ratliff, the dude that was so overpaid that he was mentioned in every trade rumor of the last decade.

Timberwolves- Luke Babbitt- Atleast this year's picks will actually show up and/or communicate with the team unlike Ricky Rubio. Hopefully...

Bulls- Kevin Seraphin- Fran Fraschilla loves the pick. Dirkness love the pick. We have that kind of relationship. Love drafting foreigners post-lottery.

Thunder- Eric Bledsoe- Stu Scott says they gave the Lakers their toughest series of the playoffs. How wasted was he during the Finals? Love the fake cheering from Durant for a player that he knows won't be on their team. TRADED to Clippers.

Celtics- Avery Bradley- How fast he can adjust to the Celtics strategy of taking the entire season off will determine his success. Was the number one rated high school player and the 470th best college player last year.

Spurs- James Anderson- The Spurs thrive with their late first round draft picks by usually taking successful college players. Now that's what I call advanced thinking.

Thunder- Craig Brackins- Big 12 Run continues. TRADED to Hornets.

Blazers- Eliot Williams- Never heard of him. Possible explanation is that they fired their awesome General Manager, Kevin Pritchard, effective after the draft. AFTER the draft. He's making picks for a team that just fired him. The team that he has completely rebuilt. I would've drafted a kindergartner. Or the best player in the Leavenworth Penitentiary League. Actually I might do that if I were trying to win.

Timberwolves- Trevor Booker- How miserable must it be to know that you'll be spending your first few NBA years (supposed to be filled with hoes, blunts, and making it rain) in cold ass Minnesota? OHHHHH TRADED to Wizards. There goes that.

Hawks- Damion James- How many Big 12 players we at now? Answer: Too many. TRADED to Nets.

Grizzlies- Dominique Jones- I would've taken the red thing from the KIA commercials instead. TRADED to Mavericks. Red Guy would've looked great playing next to Dirk.

Thunder- Quincy Poindexter- Love this pick. Kevin Durant all but admitted that his voice is heard on decision making. So it's important that your star player isn't only good, but also smart.

Nets- Jordan Crawford- TRADED to Hawks. The author of the dunk that sent LeBron's camp into an embarrassing cover-up that only led to more publicity, all for a mediocre facial that barely grazed the face of LeBron (HA!). He continues to be more concerned over his self-image than winning.

Grizzlies- General Grievis Vasquez who EXPLODES in excitement! He must be confident that this guaranteed contract will be his one and only. Well, I don't, I like his game.

Magic- Daniel Orton- Again, he averaged 3 points a game last year. Must be represented by Drew Rosenhaus. Dude can't even speak, not really a downgrade in the NBA.

Wizards- Lazar Hayward- Closes out the first round with David Stern thanking the crowd for their "enthusiasm" (booing him every time he popped out from behind the curtains). I really hope the name Lazar catches on.

2nd Round- Adam Silver- Comes out to a huge ovation from the crowd excited to see anybody besides the worst "Best Commissioner in Sports" in the best moment of the night. He is now being greeted with what I believe to be "Sexy Silver" chants when he emerges from the green room.

Along with most of the players, half of the staffs, and all of the Atlanta Hawks, I'll be taking a good majority of the second round off.

Heat- Dexter Pittman- See, I told you he was still alive.

Kings- Hassan Whiteside- Disappointed the fans who wanted them to draft Jeff Van Gundy.

They have two minutes to get their pick in for the second round. There are many things I can do in two minutes, but making decisions heavily affecting my future is not one of them.

Knicks- Andy Rautins- Trying to please the hometown fans at the Draft. This will be their selling point when they miss out on the LeBron sweepstakes.

Knicks- Landry Fields- There goes that enthusiasm...

Pacers- Lance Stephenson- The Vegas favorite in the 'First 2010 NBA Draft Pick to get Arrested' race. Don't let us down Lance!

Heat- Jarvis Varnado- Sports Guy once penned a theory that it's smart to draft anybody that's really good at one thing, rather it be shooting, rebounding, on-ball defending, or in this case, blocking shots. He will be useful in the League.

Suns- Gani Lawal- My boy, D-Tuck's sleeper, going to my boy, D-Tuck's favorite team. Claims he is the next Cedric Ceballos.

Bucks- Tiny Gallon- Somehow, Buckethead got an invite to the Draft. Going to the unhealthiest city in the country probably isn't the best fit.

Celtics- Luke Harangody- Does he have enough crazy to fit in with the Celtics frontcourt? He certainly looks it. And his last name has possibilities to become its own sub-race. Oh, he's a Harangody.

Lithuanian Mudducks- Sherron Collins- I can't believe he didn't get drafted. Seems to be in vogue to hate on him. I think he could be a creator in the league that loves its playmakers. I guess people question his character, but I don't remember one game that he didn't bring it. I hope he finds a home somewhere, and continues banging strippers in the process.

Dirkness

2010 NBA Playoff First Round Predictions

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The Dirkness is back after a prolonged absence caused by a post-KU depression, the increasingly nice weather outside, and a sudden lack of creativity (causes unknown). So, before I dive in head first to the Draft next week, I thought I'd throw down some predictions on the REAL NBA season, you know the one where they actually try, most of the time anyways. The playoffs always go down the same way: I start out really excited, then I see a few games that the refs ruin and a few others that the refs decide the outcome, I debate whether the whole thing is fixed, and I end up half-heartedly watching the Finals. The over/under for the date that I question the legitimacy is May 11th, so place your bets now. I'll be breaking down each series with a few interesting tidbits including my rooting interest, my favorite player in the series, who the NBA wants to win, and a prediction that is guaranteed to be correct.

On to the picks...

Lets start in the East (which in this case is least):

Cleveland Cavaliers~Chicago Bulls: If LeBron really wants to win an NBA Title he should refrain from shooting any 3-pointers. Or just grow an afro.

Favorite Player: Joakim Noah- Rebounds like the big woman he looks like.

Rooting Interest: Da Bulls. I like D-Rose too (funny how a missed free throw is the difference between love and hatred for him).

NBA's pick: The LeBrons- Quick and painless.

Prediction: Cavs in 5.

Boston Celtics~Miami Heat: Dwyane Wade vs. Paul Pierce.

Favorite Player: Paul Pierce- The most underrated crunch time scorer in the NBA.

Rooting Interest: Celtics- Can't and won't ever get over the Heat's lame white-outs.

NBA's pick: Celtics- Deep into the series and filled with D-Wade free throws.

Prediction: Heat in 6. I'll take a Top 3 player over a team filled with grandpas.

Atlanta Hawks~Milwaukee Bucks: The most hotly contested first round series.

Favorite Player: Would be Andrew Bogut for his creation of a crazy section of fans that is free to them as long as they stand and cheer all game, but he is hurt. Lets go Brandon Jennings, first time I'll get to see him.

Rooting interest: The Milwaukee Bucks- Favorite team in the East while they last.

NBA's pick: To look the other way...

Prediction: Hawks in 7. My sleeper team in the East.

Orlando Magic~Charlotte Bobcats: The Magic's quest to validate choosing Vince Carter over Hedo Turkoglu (while everybody knows they were wrong).

Favorite Player: Mickael Pietrus- Can't stop the black frenchmen, although this Gerald Wallace character intrigues me.

Rooting interest: The Hornets, er, wait...the Bobcats? What?!?!

NBA's pick: Magic.

Prediction: Magic in 5.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

Los Angeles Lakers~Oklahoma City Thunder: These playoffs will be defined by one thing and one thing only to me, if the Lakers win the title or not.

Favorite Player: The Durantula- The best player I have ever seen live. Immediately stated that he would be the best NBA player in 5 years...he still has two years left.

Rooting Interest: The oKC Thunder x 1000. If you cheer for the Lakers then I don't like you.

NBA's Pick: They want the Lakers to win, but they want to establish Durant as a star.

Prediction: Lakers in 6. Durant outplays Kobe.

Denver Nuggets~Utah Jazz: The Nugs don't have their mother bud. The Jazz won't have their AK47 or possibly even their Booze.

Favorite Player: Carlos Boozer- Exactly how I'd play if I were a 6'9 black man.

Rooting Interest: Whoever has the better chance of beating the Lakers, I'll say the Jazz.

NBA's pick: Kobe vs. Carmelo would whet their whistle.

Prediction: Jazz in 7. Nuggets haven't been the same since George Karl's been out with a cancer.

Phoenix Suns~Portland Trailblazers: The Blazers' unfortunate string of events continue with Brandon Roy missing this series.

Favorite Player: I love Roy's game but I'll go with Steve Nash- I have a feeling this might be his year, as long as they can avoid the Spurs, who own them.

Rooting Interest: Suns- I like the Blazers a lot, but would rather see a threat to the Lakers emerge.

NBA's pick: Close series.

Prediction: Suns in 5. Sleeper team in the West. I really see either a Cavs-Suns or a Lakers-Hawks Finals matchup.

Dallas Mavericks~San Antonio Spurs: They seemingly meet every postseason with the Mavs owning them ever since Dirk's And-1 Game 7 winner in 2006.

Favorite Player: Like you have to ask...Dirk fact- He is 27th on the NBA's all-time scoring list. If he averages 20 points a game and 80 games a season for the next five years, he will find himself in the Top 5. Bing, bang, boom.

Rooting Interest: The Dirks. He has fallen under the radar with the huge Free Agent class coming this offseason, but it'll be interesting to see if Cuban parts ways with Dirk if they fall short yet again. I want a Dirk-Nash reunion in New York. With LeBron as the third option.

NBA's pick: Should be for the Mavs. They owe them a title. Dirk Fact- Nowitzki's crunch-time performance this season, according to 82games.com (46.7 points per 48 minutes, 45.2% FG, 14.0 FTM, +98) was more efficient than anyone except LeBron (66.1 points per 48, 48.8 FG%, 21.0 FTM, +116). Yep, he's not clutch...

Prediction: Mavericks in 7. I think The Big Fundamental is 'Done'can. The Mavericks have much improved since the trade for Butler, Haywood, and DeShawn. I feel like they have a run in them, but also wouldn't be shocked to see them go down here due to the Spurs incredibly boring effectiveness.

Go Dirks!