LeBron and Wade - Bunch o' Bitches

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It dawned on me soon after watching the video of Dwyane Wade and Baby Bwon Bwon mocking The Man, himself, that I haven't spit enough venomous, irrational hate towards the Heat. And isn't that what being a fan is all about? I say yes.

{Note: For the record, I do not intend for this piece to be articulate, sensible, or even well written. This is unfiltered hatred aimed at a team that I believe completely deserves it. This isn't a post that I'd like to be judged on, and I might even regret writing it at some point. However, I want this to be written and will stand behind everything that I say.}

In case you have yet to see the video I'm referring to, here it is...




These two chumps are so fukkin ig'nant that I don't think they fully realize just how badly Dirk is kicking both of their asses right now. The idea is that when you mock somebody, you should be beating them (and even then it's kinda cheap) or be prepared to bring it. Well, LeBron is putting on one of the bitchiest performances of all time, and not even just in sports, but in life. And Wade opened himself up to an equal amount of mockery by questionably exiting Game 5 of the Finals (can't tell you how many people I heard question the validity of it all). Not to mention, that the use of mockery would only really be fitting if Dirk had lost the game for his team and then used his sickness as his excuse. Well, my sources tell me that the Mavs won that game and Dirk hit the big shots down the stretch. But don't worry, you guys looked plenty cool mocking the man that's currently whooping up on you.

Lets set the record straight before we get too far ahead of ourselves. Dwyane Wade gets up to the podium each and every day complaining about how nobody likes him or his teammates, and he can't figure out why (he usually goes into a tough guy routine about how it doesn't bother him and that his team is fine with it). Well, I'd buy that because of the team's success thus far, but then why would he continue to whine about it over and over? It's as if he's still in high school and doesn't have any friends, only those kids usually handle themselves better than Dwyane has - Congrats to your mother by the way, she spells about as well as Grandfather Favre. I'm sure she's a true scholar. I might be getting too personal, so before I feel any ounce of empathy for what I'm writing, I'd like to say fuck you, Wade, you're a whiny ass bitch.

Meanwhile, the 2nd man in this video. Ay, ay, ay, where do I start? Well, how about the way he follows D-Wade's lead in this video, as well as everything else he does. He, too, resembles a desperate, insecure high schooler who will do anything to be liked by his night and shining armor, Dwyane Wade. I think 'Bron may have disappointed Daddy Wade in Game 3 and he still hasn't gotten over it. I'm sure he cries himself to sleep at night wishing that he would've handled the situation differently, calling Wade in the middle of the night begging for his forgiveness, only Wade is tired of listening to him complain about his menstruation problems.

LeBron remember when you used to be your own man and followed every one of Jay-Z's moves? Oh wait, I guess you have always been a follower. There's no surer sign of a weak individual than somebody who is afraid to be himself. "I'm gonna do what everybody else does in effort to be cool and fit in." That just might be his motto. Or maybe being so afraid of failure that you don't even try is weaker. Tough to say. Hopefully, PTI does a Toss-up on it next week. However, I think one is a cowardly act in sports, while the other relates more to overall life. Good thing he has them both covered.

My guess is that these guys might figure this all out someday and look back on this embarrassingly. Their kids might even ask them about it, and If they were any kind of men they might own up to it and explain the errors in their way. But they would have to dump truckloads of ignorance to ever reach that point. To these two, they can do no wrong. This is their world and everybody else is just visiting. If they lose, it's their fault, and if they win it's because of their excellence. Their level of entitlement is so far off the charts it's unreal. Good luck with your 8 Chumpionships.

Woo, that felt good. This LeBrant isn't really indicative of how I feel right now, entrenched in the middle of possibly the best NBA Finals of all time. However, I felt the need to stick up for my man, who is in no position to respond (except for on the court) to these two clowns.

Go Dirk, Go Mavs, Fuck the Heat,

His Dirkness