NBA Finals Thoughts

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The Finals have been such an eclectic group of games, that I feel like there is no one way to properly analyze and sum up everything that is happening. Each game is vastly different than its predecessor, consisting of different players starring in each game. Game 1 was all about The Bearded Seal, King Kong Kung Pau (although I didn't watch, his numbers told the story). Ray Allen dominated Game 2 with an NBA Finals record eight three-pointers. Derek Fisher took over the 4th quarter of Game 3. Self-appointed "Shrek n' Donkey" (Big Slobby Davis and Lil' Mane Robinson) were the stars off the bench for Game 4, while Paul Pierce, The Troof, finally asserted himself in Game 5. You may notice a big name left off of that list, the Icon Impersonator himself (while John Hollinger of the Evil Empire wrote a shameful article suggesting Kobe should be the MVP, even in a losing effort). Will Game 6 be his game? He must do a better job of delegating the ball, as he took his teammates out of rhythm with his 3rd quarter raindrops, leaving them with nobody else to help contribute come 4th quarter, and wearing himself out in the process. Is new Kobe II back to old Kobe II or was there ever even a transformation? We should find out in Game 6 tonight.

If there was one defining angle to take away from the first five games, it would be that the Celtics are much tougher than the Lakers, perfectly evidenced by the extremely symbolic play that saw Paul Pierce outmuscle, outwill, and outheart the ball out of Kobe II's hands at the end of Game 5. This seemed to start at halftime of Game 4, when the Celtics emerged from the locker room with their season on the line ready to beat up what they perceive as a soft Lakers team, specifically their frontcourt, with a hobbled Gomorrah. If I had to guess, I'd say this stems directly from Kevin Garnett, who seems to be the tone setter for the Celtics. I think he is just a mean dude, and has rubbed off on to the mostly talentless Kendrick Perkins, creating a monster that is very effective on the boards and defensive end. These are two blokes I would not want to run into in a dark alley. It's strange because the Lakers obviously outclass the Celtics in talent, but can't measure up to their toughness, will, and resolve. And if you doubt them, then you'll get the Paul Pierce treatment, just like this referee did...



All this being said, I believe the series to be a complete toss-up right now. This is what the Finals should always come down to, the team with the last two home games needing to win both for the title. I expect some fishy, one-sided officiating for Game 6, but to what extent? And how many times will Cheezy Sheed Wallace whirling dervish his way down the court after a slaptacular foul call? I do believe the Celtics need to tone down the on-court whining, or atleast the spectacles they create about singletary calls. It doesn't help their cause. So with a gun pointed at my head right now, and my fate on the line based on the pick of this series, I think I'd go with the Celtics by a vuvuzuela.

So what are the keys to tonight's Game 6? Well, the Celtics' are obvious: Keep the inept Con Artest on the floor as much as possible. If I were Phil Jackson, I would severely limit his minutes, and would even consider playing The Abominable Snowman, Luke Walton, over him. Or they could just play The Unrealized Potential, L'Odom, more minutes. Anytime there is a player on the court that the other team openly roots for to shoot, and even cheer when he makes one because that means he's certain to shoot more, that's a bad sign. The Lakers' goals seem clear to me too: They have to get Kung Pau more involved in the game. If he remains intimidated by the Celtics frontcourt, which was the case in Game 5 and all of the 2008 Finals, than the Lakers will lose. I would aim to get The Bearded Seal 20 shots in Game 6 (shot totals so far: 14, 10, 11, 13, 12. Kobe II's shot totals: 22, 20, 29, 22, 27). The Dirkness guarantees that if Kung Pau takes more shots than Kobe II, then the Lakers will win the game. It's ironic that the reason they work so well together (Pau's passiveness and security in Beta-dog status) could end up being their tragic downfall.

Dirkness prediction for Game 6: Lakers 96-87, in an ethically questionable matter.

Go Celtics!
Dirkness

Revolution 2-3

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Wouldn't it be ironic if the Phoenix Suns, who we all thought were going to revolutionize the game with their patented "7 seconds or chuck" offensive strategy, instead do so on the opposite end of the court, with the first successful use of zone defense in the NBA Playoffs known to man. It has worked for two games so far. If it's effective for two more games in supplanting legends Kobe Bryant, Phil Jackson, and the Triangle Offense, then it will surely spawn followers and possibly even usher in a new era into the NBA.

In order for this to happen, the zone must find a way to lead the Suns to a victory on the road at The Staples Center. Is this possible? I think so. People overreacted to the blowout from Game 1, while the Suns were in Game 2 until the very end. It is possible that the Lakers let all the talk of the series being over (and it was overwhelming) get their heads big. The time could be right for a home letdown. At this point in the Lakers-Thunder series (2-2), all the talk was that the series was up for grabs, while few people think that the Suns even have that chance in this series. This plays to the Suns favor. In order for a big upset to occur, you want a special blend between keeping your confidence high while having as few people as possible on your bandwagon.

So what has made the Suns use of the zone so effective? Well, in essence, the rare usage of it has confused the seasoned Lakers team. They just plain aren't used to seeing it. Suddenly, isolation plays called for Kobe are double covered, and Kung Pau's chicken isn't so spicy. This has led to the wrong people shooting the ball. The Lakers shot 27 more three pointers in the two road losses than in their two home wins, making precisely one more out of those 27. You must work the ball out of Kobe and Kung Pau's hands to find success against the Lakers, they are too good. Every shot Ron Artest or Lamar Odom takes is a win for the Suns defense. The problem with this strategy, is that role players always play better at home than on the road (aside from The Road Warrior, Derek Fisher). The other way a zone defense can backfire is offensive rebounding on the weak side. Penetration will draw a big man over, leaving a smaller player (or even worse, Amare Q'wang-Zilla) to block out a big guy. In fact, I'll go ahead and make that the key stat for Game 5 tonight, with my guess being that will be the Lakers adjustment.

The NBA should be ready to fully embrace this revolution. Don't they know it's gonna be....alright? These playoffs, even with The LeBron Game, have been a humongous disappointment. People don't care anymore. I am friends with an eclectic group of sports fans, and mostly I hear about how they wish they were more into it, but just aren't interested. Look, we all want to change the world, but shouldn't we be hanging on every last dribble with such a wide variety of superstars playing such a popular game? I'm not saying the Suns winning changes anything in actuality, but the NBA does need new blood injected into its veins. The last 26 years have seen only seven different teams win championships. People are bored with it. Look at the NFL, where 15 different teams have won the Super Bowl in the last 26 years. People like parity.

And if you are still unsure, just watch this...




You say you want a revolution? Well, you know...Go Suns!

Dirkness