NBA Finals Thoughts

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The Finals have been such an eclectic group of games, that I feel like there is no one way to properly analyze and sum up everything that is happening. Each game is vastly different than its predecessor, consisting of different players starring in each game. Game 1 was all about The Bearded Seal, King Kong Kung Pau (although I didn't watch, his numbers told the story). Ray Allen dominated Game 2 with an NBA Finals record eight three-pointers. Derek Fisher took over the 4th quarter of Game 3. Self-appointed "Shrek n' Donkey" (Big Slobby Davis and Lil' Mane Robinson) were the stars off the bench for Game 4, while Paul Pierce, The Troof, finally asserted himself in Game 5. You may notice a big name left off of that list, the Icon Impersonator himself (while John Hollinger of the Evil Empire wrote a shameful article suggesting Kobe should be the MVP, even in a losing effort). Will Game 6 be his game? He must do a better job of delegating the ball, as he took his teammates out of rhythm with his 3rd quarter raindrops, leaving them with nobody else to help contribute come 4th quarter, and wearing himself out in the process. Is new Kobe II back to old Kobe II or was there ever even a transformation? We should find out in Game 6 tonight.

If there was one defining angle to take away from the first five games, it would be that the Celtics are much tougher than the Lakers, perfectly evidenced by the extremely symbolic play that saw Paul Pierce outmuscle, outwill, and outheart the ball out of Kobe II's hands at the end of Game 5. This seemed to start at halftime of Game 4, when the Celtics emerged from the locker room with their season on the line ready to beat up what they perceive as a soft Lakers team, specifically their frontcourt, with a hobbled Gomorrah. If I had to guess, I'd say this stems directly from Kevin Garnett, who seems to be the tone setter for the Celtics. I think he is just a mean dude, and has rubbed off on to the mostly talentless Kendrick Perkins, creating a monster that is very effective on the boards and defensive end. These are two blokes I would not want to run into in a dark alley. It's strange because the Lakers obviously outclass the Celtics in talent, but can't measure up to their toughness, will, and resolve. And if you doubt them, then you'll get the Paul Pierce treatment, just like this referee did...



All this being said, I believe the series to be a complete toss-up right now. This is what the Finals should always come down to, the team with the last two home games needing to win both for the title. I expect some fishy, one-sided officiating for Game 6, but to what extent? And how many times will Cheezy Sheed Wallace whirling dervish his way down the court after a slaptacular foul call? I do believe the Celtics need to tone down the on-court whining, or atleast the spectacles they create about singletary calls. It doesn't help their cause. So with a gun pointed at my head right now, and my fate on the line based on the pick of this series, I think I'd go with the Celtics by a vuvuzuela.

So what are the keys to tonight's Game 6? Well, the Celtics' are obvious: Keep the inept Con Artest on the floor as much as possible. If I were Phil Jackson, I would severely limit his minutes, and would even consider playing The Abominable Snowman, Luke Walton, over him. Or they could just play The Unrealized Potential, L'Odom, more minutes. Anytime there is a player on the court that the other team openly roots for to shoot, and even cheer when he makes one because that means he's certain to shoot more, that's a bad sign. The Lakers' goals seem clear to me too: They have to get Kung Pau more involved in the game. If he remains intimidated by the Celtics frontcourt, which was the case in Game 5 and all of the 2008 Finals, than the Lakers will lose. I would aim to get The Bearded Seal 20 shots in Game 6 (shot totals so far: 14, 10, 11, 13, 12. Kobe II's shot totals: 22, 20, 29, 22, 27). The Dirkness guarantees that if Kung Pau takes more shots than Kobe II, then the Lakers will win the game. It's ironic that the reason they work so well together (Pau's passiveness and security in Beta-dog status) could end up being their tragic downfall.

Dirkness prediction for Game 6: Lakers 96-87, in an ethically questionable matter.

Go Celtics!
Dirkness