Saturday, January 30, 2010

State of the Union Address: Kansas Jayhawks

I'd like to start by accepting the shout out from ol' Billy Boy Self for reading the blog and yanking Tyshawn from the starting lineup, even though he had to go and one up me by choosing Brady Morningstar over Tyrel Reed- eh, the Tighty Whiteys are interchangeable. This move has resulted in, or at least contributed to, the best two-game stretch of the season (@Iowa St, Missouri) from the team, with only the Temple game being comparable. This should come as no surprise, as this is the time of year that KU always gets it in gear, right at the start of conference season. And since some of the players are confused about what's expected of them, and the fact that Self loves to read my blog so much, I will now lay out the roles for each player (ranked in importance to the team's success):

Sherron Nasty- The man. Has the balls necessary to lead a team to a National Championship. Doing a great job of figuring out when to take over games, and when to defer to teammates. Think of his legacy if he can lead Kansas to a National Championship this year.

'Cus Morris- Turning on beast mode. Averaging 19 and 8 in conference games so far. I rated him as more important than Cole because he has a better chance of becoming the go to low-post scorer. To win it all, you need a man you dump the ball down to and expect a basket. Shadyyyyyy.

Colehelm Aldrich- The Funnelcake. I've given up on Cole at the offensive end, and Herm Edwards tells me that's okayyyyy. It's okkkkk. Just focus on the defensive end. The rest of the defense funnels the offense into Cole sitting right under the basket for some sweet swat action. Funnelcakez.

Brady 'Cornbread' Morningstar- Dude does it all. Every KU fan would understand why he is this high on the list. Every non-KU fan would be confused why he's this high. Defense, passing, and court awareness are the reasons why. A mere 9 points as a season-high causes the confusion. There's more to basketball than scoring.

Xavier Henry- X-Man. The Phader. The Snipah. Has been in a shooting slump for a while now, but I prescribe for him to just shoot his way out of it. Needs his confidence to be high come tournament time.

Tyshawn Taylor- The Pine Cone. Should thrive coming off the bench. Seems to be playing with more passion since his inoffensive demotion, especially on the defensive end. At the beginning of the season, I wanted him to be the steady hand of Russ Rob from '07. Didn't work. Now he needs to become Sherron's spark off the bench from '07.

'Kief Morris- Rebound da ball like a man.

Tyrel Reed- Shoot 3's.

Jeff 'Kill' Whitey- I like him off the bench before Thomas Robinson. Needs to be ready in every first half in case two bigs pickup two fouls.

C.J. Henry- Kid X. Kid Snipah. I'm convinced he might be the best shooter on the team. I'm also convinced that he is definitely the worst defender on the team.

Thomas Robinson- Still makes too many dumb plays. Will be the man next year along with...

Elijah Johnson- Study Sherron's every move (except for elevator behavior).

Conner Teahan- Look pretty. And change your name if you ever want to play.

Chase Buford- Keep rockin that 'stache.

Jordan Juenemann- Work on those cankles Ju Wanna Man.

Prediction for tonight: Kansas @ Kansas St~~I feel like all the pressure is on Kansas State in this game. College Gameday. Just beat Texas. Kansas has the rematch at home to fall back on. I think the fans will be ready, I don't think the team will be. KU does not fear K-State in anyway. This is a game Kansas wins.

Kansas 71, Kansas State 64


Anonymous said...

jesus, is that a man or a woman?

His Dirkness said...

That's Ju Wanna Man, star of the recently acclaimed movie picture.

Anonymous said...

Well most of the time in the past when I have looked at peoples blogs they are generally pure garbage, but I must say you are very insightful writer. Keep it up.


His Dirkness said...

Thanks J.W. I am gonna hope and assume that stands for Jason Whitlock, which would make it both very meaningful and a HUGE compliment. Thanks and I will keep it up.

Rickaay the Leadoff Man said...


I'd have to say I'm quite impressed that you have solidified many a 'Nic'name for all those that get in His Dirkness' way. It is an honor to have the "Whitey Tightey's" an official term now on this site, and I hope I have helped influence other names that did not appear on here: Lil T'Shawn the Taxman, Ty "Rell Lewis" Reed, Thom Rob tha Hopscotch (for traveling violations), Eli'Jah Rule' Johnson, and Lil Mo'Hous 3K II.. only you know that one. Colehelm is forever the most necessary one.