FanDuel NFL Week 6: Fuck, Marry, Kill

Gonna keep it short and (tooooooooo sweeeeeeeeeet), ahem, sweet this week. I'd just like to say, that whichever political party/candidate is more likely to keep FanDuel legal has my vote in 2016.
On to the Week 6 FMK's (find an older post for an explanation of the FMK's)...

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Quarterback

Fuck - Brian Hoyer ($6700) - Quick fact: The Houston Texans lead the NFL in plays run by a WIDE margin this season. They're basically playing at the Eagles pace we're all used to. And Hoyer put up good numbers his last two games.

Marry - Tom Brady ($9000) - Every week, baby. Get on the train and start making money. There's an interesting discussion to be had on whether the Patriots will air it out or keep it on the ground this week. Their last three games against the Colts were all extremely run heavy, but Indy's run defense is actually improved this year. Which means Brady might throw for 7 touchdowns on Sunday night.

Kill - Eli Manning ($7800) - Good spot against Philly but his top two WR's are both questionable and they play on MNF. Stay away this week.

Facebook pokes - Carson Palmer, Marcus Mariota, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Matthew Stafford

Running Back

Fuck - Lamar Miller ($6400) - Probably my most controversial pick of the week, so here me out. Joe Philbin HATED running the ball. The Dolphins new coach was a blocking TE in the NFL and looks the child of Ed Hochuli and Ronda Rousey. That dude is gonna want to run the ball. And while Lamar's numbers are horrifically bad, he's faced a lot of good run defenses and topped out at a mere 13 carries.

Marry - Eddie Lacy ($7300) - At a discount because he hasn't been scoring TD's, and the Chargers have the worst ypc Run D in the league.

Kill - Jeremy Hill ($6400) - Not sure what the deal is (fumbles, I think) but Hill has been surpassed by Giovanni Bernard as of late. And a bad matchup with the Bills. Here's your updated list of run defenses to avoid: Giants, Jets, Seahawks, Bills, Falcons, and maybe the Redskins.

Facebook pokes - Matt Forte, Dion Lewis, CJ Anderson (if you're man enough), Charcandrick West, Danny Woodhead

Wide Receiver

Fuck - Allen Robinson ($6700) - Robinson is like a high school girl, man. He keeps winning me money, but he stays the same age, er, price. He might be my most utilized player in FanDuel for the season.

Marry - AJ Green ($8100) - Cincy knows the way to beat Buffalo is through the air. Brady and Eli were able to accomplish just that. Dalton should be next. And AJG loves road games.

Kill - Randall Cobb ($8100) - Too TD dependent for me. Cobb has put up yardage totals of 23, 38 and 44 in three of his 5 games. And he's been questionable all season, so he might not be healthy.

Facebook pokes - DeAndre Hopkins, Calvin Johnson, Julian Edelman, TY Hilton, Larry Fitz, Kamar Aiken, Marquess Wilson

Tight End

Gronk - Antonio Gates ($5500) - That thing I said last week about waiting on Gates to see how he looks, well, he looked fantastic. Those PED's are really paying off.

Marry - Rob Gronkowski ($8200) - Must. Destroy. Colts. Sadly, this isn't worth any points in FanDuel yet.

Kill - Jimmy Graham ($6300) - He remains the second most expensive TE and there's absolutely no reason why.

Facebook pokes - Tyler Eifert, Martellus Bennett, Larry Donnell, Derek Carrier

Kicker

Fuck - Robbie Gould ($4500) - Favorite minimum K this week.

Marry - Brandon McManus ($4800) - Favorite top shelf K every week.

Kill - Adam Viniatieri ($5000) - Colts haven't been producing, and they could get trounced this week. Going against my much beloved revenge narrative here.

Defense

Fuck - Bengals ($4700) - Not a great week for Deez cheap nuts. I'm trying to atleast get up to this threshold, with Cincy more than likely drawing EJ Manuel. If you're looking super cheap, I like the Titans at home against the Dolphins.

Marry - Jets ($4800) - A tasty spot. At home against the human turnover machine, Kirk Cousins.

Kill - Texans ($4800) - The 4th highest priced defense is producing 2.4 points per game. Better send Watt back to the Jugs machine.

Facebook pokes - Titans, Vikings, Packers, Broncos

My #1 FanDuel Lineup

QB - Tom Brady

RB - Eddie Lacy

RB - Lamar Miller

WR - Larry Fitzgerald

WR - Allen Robinson

WR - Marquess Wilson

TE - Rob Gronkowski

K - Josh Brown

DEF - Jets

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Enter The Dirk League for Week 6 on FanDuel

Just one thing, Dude - do you have to use so many cuss words?

His Dirkness

FanDuel NFL Week 5: Fuck, Marry, Kill

Don't you dare take my FanDuel away from me!

ICYMI, some dude who works for Draft Kings won a boat load of money on FanDuel (you can't play on your own site), and people are freaking out because he may or may not have had inside information on player ownership numbers.

My big question: Say that he has the Draft Kings' ownership info. Does that really apply to FanDuel ownerships more than say, a plugged in DFS writer like this guy, who gives weekly projections on player ownership levels? I mean, the two websites have major differences. DK uses a flex position. Their salaries are quite a bit different. It doesn't seem like the information would be that much more valuable than someone who is well researched.

Regardless, the story has gained steam, and is now being investigated by some guy in New York, who we trust to make decisions for us because he wears a suit to work. Hopefully, no wrongdoing is found, and the DFS landscape stays the same. But if something groundbreaking were to happen, it could go one of two ways:

1. Shadiness is uncovered between FanDuel and Draft Kings, the Twitter pitchforks come out, and DFS encounters the danger of being ostracized out of the U.S. like online poker.

2. Somebody important realizes how silly all of this is and starts a movement to legalize gambling across the board. I'm not really sure why this would happen exactly, I just really, really want it to happen. And we all can trust that our political leaders have our best interests in heart right? Right.

On to the Week 5 FMK's (find an old post for FMK explanations)...

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Enter The Dirk League for Week 5 on FanDuel

Quarterback

Fuck - Jameis Winston ($6400) - He's gonna have his highs and lows this year. Just remember, the highs help you more than the lows hurt you. Despite his picadilly-six-itis this season, Jameis has accounted for 7 TD's in 4 games with a low point total of 13.74. He's super cheap this week and gets Jacksonville at home. Good spot.

Marry - Tom Brady ($8800) - You see the line on Patriots at Cowboys this week? 10 points! Here's the deal - Vegas is all in on the Patriots. They're having 2007 flashbacks right now. FanDuel isn't quite there yet. Brady still costs loss than Rodgers. He shouldn't. I will have him in multiple lineups every week.

Kill - Andy Dalton ($7300) - Even though The Red Rocket looked better than Rodgers did against the Chiefs, even with the addition of Sean Smith, he's got a tough matchup this week. Here's my list of pass defenses to avoid in 2015: Broncos, Jets, Panthers, Seahawks and maybe the Vikings.

Facebook pokes - Carson Palmer, Eli Manning, Philip Rivers, Blake Bortles

Running Back

Fuck - Anthony Dixon ($4500) - He's the guy to watch here. McCoy is already out and Karlos Williams got a concussion last week so he'll probably sit unless Bill Snyder suddenly becomes their coach. If he's out, I'll probably have Boobie in every lineup I make. It's rare you get to play a FanDuel minimum at a skill position in a good spot like this.

Marry - LeVeon Bell ($9000) - And that should save you enough money to play LeVeon this week, an absolutely fantasy monster, who gets the league's worst run defense in terms of yards per carry (San Diego). Hey, maybe Todd Haley will even consider giving it to him on 3rd and 4th and short with the game on the line this week.

Kill - Devonta Freeman ($7600) - It's a "Is he for real, for real?" game for Freeman this week, who draws the Redskins' 2nd ranked run defense. Six touchdowns in his last two weeks, I might use him once or twice, but I'll mostly be fading him this week.

Facebook pokes - Jamaal Charles, Justin Forsett, Todd Gurley, Dion Lewis

Wide Receiver

Fuck - Kamar Aiken ($5800) - Follow those injuries. Steve Smith is out. TE Crockett Gillmore is questionable. Aiken is their #1 option now, and put up a 5-77-1 with Smith missing about a half last week. Plus he plays the Browns.

Marry - Odell Beckham ($9000) - Fits my WR1 coming off a bad game theory (See: AJ Green here). I thought he might struggle this season. He faced a lot a lot a lot of hype all offseason, as a 22 year old living in New York City. That's a lot to handle. It'd be tough to not to let all of that get to you in one way or another. So far he's only had one big game, but this is a good spot for him. I will probably have a few Eli/Odell stacks.

Kill - Antonio Brown ($8600) - He's a stay away until Big Ben is back in the fold. Don't think twice.

Facebook pokes - Julian Edelman, Keenan Allen, Mike Evans, Larry Fitzgerald, Jeremy Maclin, Allen Robinson, Pierre Garcon

Tight End

Gronk - Owen Daniels ($4900) - Oakland vs. TE's is real and it's spectacular. Yahoo Fantasy points for TE's vs the Raiders this year: 28.9, 23.3, 21.5, 19.8. And you've never heard of two of those tight ends.

Marry - Rob Gronkowski ($8400) - How ya gonna Gronk Owen and marry Gronk? How'd you get the beans above the frank?

Kill - Antonio Gates ($5500) - Going back to my strategy last week: You don't need to be first on a guy. We don't know with Gates. He could've gotten really old this offseason. Will the chemistry with Rivers return immediately? Best to stay away until we know.

Facebook pokes - Tyler Eifert, Delanie Walker, Derek Carrier

Kicker

Fuck - Josh Lambo ($4500) - Gave him to you last week and he came through with 14 points. He's my immediate plug in at kicker, go back and spend up with any leftover money.

Marry - Stephen Gostkowski ($5000) - Play. All. Patriots. 

Kill - Kyle Brindza ($4500) - This dude missed 5 FG's and 2 XP's in the last two weeks. That's outstanding. But seriously, don't play him, because he got cut this week.

Defense

Fuck - Buccaneers ($4000) - The cheapest defense is playable this week at home against Jacksonville. Will be plugging them in more than a few lineups.

Marry - Broncos ($4900) - The NFL record for sacks in a season is 72. The Broncos are on pace for 72. And they have the best pair of CB's in the league. By far. How the fuck does Denver go from having an elite QB straight to having an elite defense? I guess I should be somewhat happy we didn't see 2011 Peyton with this 2015 defense. That may have been the greatest team of all time.

Kill - Roger Goodell. ICYMI last week, this is where my weekly segment of Goodell Got It Right will reside. Cause somebody needs to be on his side right? This week - Thursday Night Football. Oh, I love it. Yes, it's written in the contract for every journalist who covers the NFL that they must complain about the quality of action each and every Thursday night. But you know what lackluster NFL games are a whole lot better than? No NFL games. I wish it were on every night of the week (not really, cause when would I FanDuel?). I'm also told I'm supposed to care about the safety of the players, playing on a short week. Sorry, but I don't. But I do care about some me. Which is why I think Rog and I would get along so well.

Facebook pokes - Giants, Ravens, Chiefs, Bengals, Packers

My #1 FanDuel Lineup

QB - Tom Brady

RB - LeVeon Bell

RB - BOOBIES Dixon (Check on Karlos Williams' health)

WR - Mike Evans

WR - Larry Fitzgerald

WR - Kamar Aiken

TE - Rob Gronkowski

K - Josh Lambo

DEF - Bucs

***If you're new to FanDuel, follow this link and click the yellow tab in the top right corner, and put in promo code DIRK to get special savings and make me monies***

Enter The Dirk League for Week 5 on FanDuel

Just one thing, Dude - do you have to use so many cuss words?

His Dirkness

FanDuel NFL Week 4: Fuck, Marry, Kill

Lets start this bad boy off with your half baked anecdote of the week: Why are NFL games scheduled on TV for the absolute minimum amount of game time of 3 hours? Last night's game was scheduled for two hours and 50 minutes on CBS, and sure enough, it went to overtime.

C'mon, we're living in a DVR world now. And I know everybody reading this has been in a situation where they forgot to extend their recording and missed the end of a sporting event (mine was the LeBron 48 Special, where he scored the final 25 points or whatever - sup Rob and Dave?). Can't we schedule games for 3.5 hours? Are we hurting all the TV Guide subscribers? Shouldn't we have live updates for our guide by now, anyways? It just doesn't make sense to me. But, to be fair, I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about generally unimportant things like this.

On to the FMK's…

(If you aren't familiar with the format, you can read the beginning of last week's article where I was pretty hit and miss - I did give you guys AJ Green, though)

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Enter The Dirk League for Week 4 on FanDuel

Quarterbacks

Fuck - David Carr ($7000) - Saw a fun list of all the QB/RB/WR's to go 300/100/100 yards in a game where all three players were 25 or younger. Sounds pretty ideal right? Got your skill positions lined up for years to come. Until you look at the list. And it's got Lawrence Phillips on it. And Kyle Boller. And JP Losman. And really, none of the triplets worked out in full, which is weird. Where are Aikman/Emmitt/Irvin or Peyton/Edgerrin/Marvin? I have no idea. Anyways, Carr has two straight 300-2 games and gets the Bears this week and, well, I could throw for 300-2 on the Bears.

Marry - Aaron Rodgers ($9400) - The man could impregnate all five eligible WR's on a single snap, of course I'm gonna play him on FanDuel.

Kill - Andrew Luck ($9100) - He hasn't looked right all season. And now he's not practicing with a shoulder injury. I rode him hard last week, thinking big time bounce back potential. But now I'm thinking about tacking up this FanDuel strategy to my list of commandments - Don't try to be first on a guy, or try and take chances on a guy's health. Let it happen first and then pounce. Examples: Mike Evans coming off his injury? Puts up a squadoosh in Week 2. Marshawn Lynch iffy all week? Don't force it. I even used this with LeVeon Bell coming off his suspension last week. And he actually performed well but it didn't kill me. And now I know he's good to go. There's just always other options out there. So play it safe when it comes to a struggling player or injuries or anything unknown.

Facebook pokes - Cam Newton, Carson Palmer, Tyrod Taylor

Running Backs

Fuck - Injury reports. There is a lot of value to be had at RB this week, just not sure where exactly yet. LeSean McCoy is out, so Karlos Williams is ready to roll despite the Giants' 2nd ranked run defense. Devonta Freeman should do work again if Tevin Coleman sits. No DeMarco? Fire up Ryan Mathews, who got the Eagles ground game going last week. And your biggest sleeper, if Marshawn Lynch can't go, is Thomas Rawls (Bill's son). I will be monitoring these situations up until noon on Sunday.

Marry - Eddie Lacy ($7800) - He was eased back into the lineup last week. But don't fear, his backup - James Starks - posted 32 yards on 17 carries. That means his job is safe. The Packers should win this game comfortably, which should mean plenty of Lacy. Meanwhile, last week, the 49ers gave up 110-2 to a RB who's so old that his nickname references Y2K (Chris Johnson).

Kill - Joseph Randle ($7400) - A few stats on why not: Last week, he began the game with 85 yards on three runs. After that, he ran the ball 11 times for 2 yards. In addition, he only played 23 of the team's 54 snaps on offense. It's a three back rotation in Dallas, and I believe last week will be the best you see from Randle all season.

Facebook pokes - Matt Forte, Latavius Murray, Melvin Gordon

Wide Receivers

Fuck - Jordan Matthews ($7000) - I might as well just marry him right? Regardless, the Redskins are banged up at CB and play the run well. The thing to watch with this is Hurricane Joaquin. Since daily fantasy is so damn popular, we get incredibly nerdy studies that show passing games are most affected by high winds. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow (IT'S THE FIRST ONE!). So if Joaquin's a blowing, I'll go Amari Cooper to play it safe, or Anquan Boldin if you're feeling bold.

Marry - Julio Jones ($9400) - He currently leads the NFL in targets, receptions, receiving Yards, and first down receptions. Maybe Don Julio can track down Fitz this week, who's one score in front of him. By the way, the Falcons next six games - Texans, Redskins, @Saints, @Titans, Bucs, @49ers. They could be 9-0 when they host the Colts coming off their bye week (eerily similar to the 2013 Chiefs).

Kill - Larry Fitzgerald ($7400) - Because I'm an idiot, who's in denial. Because I haven't played him all season and I don't want to admit I'm wrong. I just thought he was done. I will say this - Before Fitz went back to back 100 yard games, he had hit the century mark only 5 times in his last 44 games. Is he really gonna hit it three times in a row now? God, I hope not.

Facebook pokes - Randall Cobb, DeAndre Hopkins, Amari Cooper, Anquan Boldin, James Jones, Michael Crabtree

Tight Ends

Gronk - Martellus Bennett ($5500) - Perhaps the most amazing stat of the week - TE's against Oakland this year: Tyler Eifert 9-104-2, Crockett Gilmore 5-88-2, and Gary Barnidge, The Ogre, 6-105-1. Can you imagine what'll happen when they actually face a good TE? Martellus might be somewhat hamstrung by his QB this week. But Travis Kelce is gonna put up 17-264-5 against them this year. Per game.

Marry - Greg Olsen ($6300) - Your safest bet every week because Carolina's #2 option in the passing game is Ted Ginn Jr. Last two weeks for Third Leg: 14-204-2. 

Kill - Jimmy Graham ($6600) - I was on him for one week, and one week only, because of his public complaints about his role, and cushy game against the Bears. The Seahawks did force it to him a bit, but I don't think he's as good as he used to be. I dunno if it's too many injuries or what, but I'm passing on this week's highest priced TE.

Facebook pokes - Travis Kelce, Jordan Reed, Charles Clay, Coby Fleener

Kickers

Fuck - Josh Lambo ($4500) - Fair warning, my kickers have sucked this season. Maybe I need to reevaluate my strategy a little bit. He's my favorite cheap option this week though.

Marry - Brandon McManus ($4900) - Denver will forever have good kickers.

Kill - Kyle Brindza ($4500) - The Tampa Bay kicker went 1-4 on FG's last week, and missed his only extra point attempt. And yet, he will make $435,000 this year. Start teaching your kid to kick field goals now.

Defense

Fuck - Falcons ($4200) - The cheapest I'd go this week. Not crazy about it, but you get a big favorite at home against an erratic QB.

Marry - Cardinals ($5000) - Did you know they had two Pickin' Sixy Backs in the first 6 minutes last week? That's the quickest it's ever been done. Tyrann Mathieu is a bonafide stud - Who woulda thought - the playmaker who slid in the Draft because of marijuana issues turned into a great NFL player. They also have a kick return TD this season. And they're playing the Rams, who put up 6 points on the Steelers last week.

Kill - Roger Goodell ($35,000,000) - I mean, right? But what about everything this poor soul has gotten right over the years??? It's just really unfair what the media is doing to him. So my goal is to start a weekly Goodell Got It Right segment, which will be the first *and only* defense of the man on the entire internets. This week? NFL Overtimes! They're perfect right now. I love the half-win FG's. I love the situational football it riles up. I love how Pete Carroll called for an onside kick to start OT in Week 1, confusing everybody's interpretations of the rules, while wondering if it was secretly genius. It's perfect. Thanks Rog!!!!

My #1 FanDuel Lineup

QB - Derek Carr
RB - Eddie Lacy
RB - Devonta Freeman
WR - DeAndre Hopkins
WR - Amari Cooper
WR - Jordan Matthews
TE - Greg Olsen
K - Josh Lambo
DEF - Arizona

My #2 FanDuel Lineup

QB - Aaron Rodgers
RB - Latavius Murray
RB - Melvin Gordon
WR - James Jones
WR - Amari Cooper
WR - DeAndre Hopkins
TE - Martellus Bennett
K - Brandon McManus
DEF - Arizona

***If you're new to FanDuel, follow this link and click the yellow tab in the top right corner, and put in promo code DIRK to get special savings and make me monies***

Enter The Dirk League for Week 4 on FanDuel

Just one thing, Dude - do you have to use so many cuss words?

His Dirkness