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Friday, October 2, 2015

FanDuel NFL Week 4: Fuck, Marry, Kill

Lets start this bad boy off with your half baked anecdote of the week: Why are NFL games scheduled on TV for the absolute minimum amount of game time of 3 hours? Last night's game was scheduled for two hours and 50 minutes on CBS, and sure enough, it went to overtime.

C'mon, we're living in a DVR world now. And I know everybody reading this has been in a situation where they forgot to extend their recording and missed the end of a sporting event (mine was the LeBron 48 Special, where he scored the final 25 points or whatever - sup Rob and Dave?). Can't we schedule games for 3.5 hours? Are we hurting all the TV Guide subscribers? Shouldn't we have live updates for our guide by now, anyways? It just doesn't make sense to me. But, to be fair, I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about generally unimportant things like this.

On to the FMK's…

(If you aren't familiar with the format, you can read the beginning of last week's article where I was pretty hit and miss - I did give you guys AJ Green, though)

***If you're new to FanDuel, follow this link and click the yellow tab in the top right corner, and put in promo code DIRK to get special savings and make me monies***

Enter The Dirk League for Week 4 on FanDuel

Quarterbacks

Fuck - David Carr ($7000) - Saw a fun list of all the QB/RB/WR's to go 300/100/100 yards in a game where all three players were 25 or younger. Sounds pretty ideal right? Got your skill positions lined up for years to come. Until you look at the list. And it's got Lawrence Phillips on it. And Kyle Boller. And JP Losman. And really, none of the triplets worked out in full, which is weird. Where are Aikman/Emmitt/Irvin or Peyton/Edgerrin/Marvin? I have no idea. Anyways, Carr has two straight 300-2 games and gets the Bears this week and, well, I could throw for 300-2 on the Bears.

Marry - Aaron Rodgers ($9400) - The man could impregnate all five eligible WR's on a single snap, of course I'm gonna play him on FanDuel.

Kill - Andrew Luck ($9100) - He hasn't looked right all season. And now he's not practicing with a shoulder injury. I rode him hard last week, thinking big time bounce back potential. But now I'm thinking about tacking up this FanDuel strategy to my list of commandments - Don't try to be first on a guy, or try and take chances on a guy's health. Let it happen first and then pounce. Examples: Mike Evans coming off his injury? Puts up a squadoosh in Week 2. Marshawn Lynch iffy all week? Don't force it. I even used this with LeVeon Bell coming off his suspension last week. And he actually performed well but it didn't kill me. And now I know he's good to go. There's just always other options out there. So play it safe when it comes to a struggling player or injuries or anything unknown.

Facebook pokes - Cam Newton, Carson Palmer, Tyrod Taylor

Running Backs

Fuck - Injury reports. There is a lot of value to be had at RB this week, just not sure where exactly yet. LeSean McCoy is out, so Karlos Williams is ready to roll despite the Giants' 2nd ranked run defense. Devonta Freeman should do work again if Tevin Coleman sits. No DeMarco? Fire up Ryan Mathews, who got the Eagles ground game going last week. And your biggest sleeper, if Marshawn Lynch can't go, is Thomas Rawls (Bill's son). I will be monitoring these situations up until noon on Sunday.

Marry - Eddie Lacy ($7800) - He was eased back into the lineup last week. But don't fear, his backup - James Starks - posted 32 yards on 17 carries. That means his job is safe. The Packers should win this game comfortably, which should mean plenty of Lacy. Meanwhile, last week, the 49ers gave up 110-2 to a RB who's so old that his nickname references Y2K (Chris Johnson).

Kill - Joseph Randle ($7400) - A few stats on why not: Last week, he began the game with 85 yards on three runs. After that, he ran the ball 11 times for 2 yards. In addition, he only played 23 of the team's 54 snaps on offense. It's a three back rotation in Dallas, and I believe last week will be the best you see from Randle all season.

Facebook pokes - Matt Forte, Latavius Murray, Melvin Gordon

Wide Receivers

Fuck - Jordan Matthews ($7000) - I might as well just marry him right? Regardless, the Redskins are banged up at CB and play the run well. The thing to watch with this is Hurricane Joaquin. Since daily fantasy is so damn popular, we get incredibly nerdy studies that show passing games are most affected by high winds. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow (IT'S THE FIRST ONE!). So if Joaquin's a blowing, I'll go Amari Cooper to play it safe, or Anquan Boldin if you're feeling bold.

Marry - Julio Jones ($9400) - He currently leads the NFL in targets, receptions, receiving Yards, and first down receptions. Maybe Don Julio can track down Fitz this week, who's one score in front of him. By the way, the Falcons next six games - Texans, Redskins, @Saints, @Titans, Bucs, @49ers. They could be 9-0 when they host the Colts coming off their bye week (eerily similar to the 2013 Chiefs).

Kill - Larry Fitzgerald ($7400) - Because I'm an idiot, who's in denial. Because I haven't played him all season and I don't want to admit I'm wrong. I just thought he was done. I will say this - Before Fitz went back to back 100 yard games, he had hit the century mark only 5 times in his last 44 games. Is he really gonna hit it three times in a row now? God, I hope not.

Facebook pokes - Randall Cobb, DeAndre Hopkins, Amari Cooper, Anquan Boldin, James Jones, Michael Crabtree

Tight Ends

Gronk - Martellus Bennett ($5500) - Perhaps the most amazing stat of the week - TE's against Oakland this year: Tyler Eifert 9-104-2, Crockett Gilmore 5-88-2, and Gary Barnidge, The Ogre, 6-105-1. Can you imagine what'll happen when they actually face a good TE? Martellus might be somewhat hamstrung by his QB this week. But Travis Kelce is gonna put up 17-264-5 against them this year. Per game.

Marry - Greg Olsen ($6300) - Your safest bet every week because Carolina's #2 option in the passing game is Ted Ginn Jr. Last two weeks for Third Leg: 14-204-2. 

Kill - Jimmy Graham ($6600) - I was on him for one week, and one week only, because of his public complaints about his role, and cushy game against the Bears. The Seahawks did force it to him a bit, but I don't think he's as good as he used to be. I dunno if it's too many injuries or what, but I'm passing on this week's highest priced TE.

Facebook pokes - Travis Kelce, Jordan Reed, Charles Clay, Coby Fleener

Kickers

Fuck - Josh Lambo ($4500) - Fair warning, my kickers have sucked this season. Maybe I need to reevaluate my strategy a little bit. He's my favorite cheap option this week though.

Marry - Brandon McManus ($4900) - Denver will forever have good kickers.

Kill - Kyle Brindza ($4500) - The Tampa Bay kicker went 1-4 on FG's last week, and missed his only extra point attempt. And yet, he will make $435,000 this year. Start teaching your kid to kick field goals now.

Defense

Fuck - Falcons ($4200) - The cheapest I'd go this week. Not crazy about it, but you get a big favorite at home against an erratic QB.

Marry - Cardinals ($5000) - Did you know they had two Pickin' Sixy Backs in the first 6 minutes last week? That's the quickest it's ever been done. Tyrann Mathieu is a bonafide stud - Who woulda thought - the playmaker who slid in the Draft because of marijuana issues turned into a great NFL player. They also have a kick return TD this season. And they're playing the Rams, who put up 6 points on the Steelers last week.

Kill - Roger Goodell ($35,000,000) - I mean, right? But what about everything this poor soul has gotten right over the years??? It's just really unfair what the media is doing to him. So my goal is to start a weekly Goodell Got It Right segment, which will be the first *and only* defense of the man on the entire internets. This week? NFL Overtimes! They're perfect right now. I love the half-win FG's. I love the situational football it riles up. I love how Pete Carroll called for an onside kick to start OT in Week 1, confusing everybody's interpretations of the rules, while wondering if it was secretly genius. It's perfect. Thanks Rog!!!!

My #1 FanDuel Lineup

QB - Derek Carr
RB - Eddie Lacy
RB - Devonta Freeman
WR - DeAndre Hopkins
WR - Amari Cooper
WR - Jordan Matthews
TE - Greg Olsen
K - Josh Lambo
DEF - Arizona

My #2 FanDuel Lineup

QB - Aaron Rodgers
RB - Latavius Murray
RB - Melvin Gordon
WR - James Jones
WR - Amari Cooper
WR - DeAndre Hopkins
TE - Martellus Bennett
K - Brandon McManus
DEF - Arizona

***If you're new to FanDuel, follow this link and click the yellow tab in the top right corner, and put in promo code DIRK to get special savings and make me monies***

Enter The Dirk League for Week 4 on FanDuel

Just one thing, Dude - do you have to use so many cuss words?

His Dirkness


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