Monday, December 13, 2010

The Worst QB of All-Time?

It was painfully obvious to me what happened to the Kansas City Chiefs in San Diego on Sunday. The players went into the game with little belief that they could win. You can blame Todd Haley and company if you want, but it's very difficult to go into war led by a bonafide, gen-u-wine loser. A reeeeeeal Munson.

Crodie freakin' Broyle.

People that read my quasi-preview from Saturday night will know that I wasn't surprised at what we all were forced to watch on Sunday. What is surprising, shocking, and even astonishing, is the number of people that believed Crodie wasn't a big drop off from Matt Cassel. Shockingly, I haven't heard much of the same sentiments thrown around today.

However, there they were there during the game, offering up all the excuses that will eventually be engraved into Crodie Broyle's tombstone. "His receivers are dropping balls." "The offensive line isn't blocking." "It's the defense's fault." "His hair was in his eyes." "His man-pon fell out." These excuses may have once been valid, but now lack any credibility (I can tell you 10 reasons why). These will now be referred to as 'Crodieisms.'

So all of this got me to thinking...could Brodie Croyle (I'll use his real name for record's purposes) be the worst NFL Quarterback of all time?

This got me scouring the Internet in search of who people are calling the worst QB of all time. Almost every list included the names Ryan Leaf, JaMarcus Russell, and Rick Mirer. These QB's were admittedly terrible, but are all making the lists because of expectations placed on them due to where they were drafted. Also, while most of them possess worse overall stats than Crodie, they all managed to at least win an NFL game, something Cruddie cannot claim. And while stats are easy to use for this type of designation, they don't tell the whole story with Cruds. His extreme absence of toughness wouldn't inspire an ADHD-diagnosed 10-year-old-on-crack, which isn't an official stat. Yet. The stat that does shed some truth would be 0-10. That's oh and ten.

In fact, the record for most losses to start an NFL career is held by Troy Aikman, with 11 straight losses (don't think anybody will argue he's worse than Crodie). Yes, Crodie is one more loss away from immortality. I can't deny that I want to see him earn that record, I just pray that it doesn't come in a Chiefs uniform. I can't take anymore of him to be honest. He's so hard to root for that I created a word describing my feelings while watching him: Sporture. It's sports torture. Definition: Being forced to root for someone you hate. I wouldn't say I was rooting against the Chiefs on Sunday (although I never thought we stood a chance), but Crodie pushes me closer to that unfortunate reality than any Chiefs player ever has. It's complete and utter sporture.

Now for the good news. While drinking away my sorrows last night, my buddy Cook Andopolis presented an interesting theory to me. This was the best game of the final four for Matt Cassel to miss. There was a good chance we were going to lose it anyways, but losing another game is when the division lead is lost. So now, hopefully, we'll have Cassel for the easier games left on the schedule. Also, in that process, we all have a scapegoat for what was a total team lay down in San Diego. We can all pretend the game never happened, which is exactly how the Chiefs are treating it apparently (my sources tell me the Chiefs didn't even send out a press release following the game- my theory is that not enough yards were gained to change anything in the record books).

My optimistic take on the game will not survive another poor effort next week against the Rams, which is shaping up to be the biggest Chiefs game in some time. We'll either have Cassel, suddenly with the entire city behind his back, or Crodie, going for the record in futility. So eat your wheaties, do your homework, and say your prayers to heal the most relevant useless organ in the body this city has ever seen.

His Dirkness


Anonymous said...

For starters...the term Sporture is pure brilliant and I expect to see it in Websters ye ole dictionary circa 2020.

For people to try and bail him out by saying that receivers dropped balls I must refer to Jay's comment "Crodie throwing a screen pass is like a person trying to kill a fly with a sledge hammer." Has the word "touch" ever entered your feeble mind?

Also why the hell did we ever draft him in the first place? Who is to blame for this? I wanted to see him removed from the game via any means necessary so that I could watch Palko for the simple reason that I don't know if he is physically inept or mentally weak as a wet least while watching him I could learn the things that I'm already 100% certain of Crusty Crodie.

In closing I have noticed that something is true in all sports at all levels. A principle referred to as addition by subtraction. It means that when you remove a troubled component from an organization the team as a whole becomes better. This can take form in a player that is a distraction in practice or the media. It could also mean just removing someone that has a complete aura of losing about them. I believe this to be true of Crodie Broyle so in my last words...farewell. Go curse another team.

-Dr. Zaveous

Unknown said...

I could never blame Todd.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DBZ said...

Yeah Brodie sucks. He should have won one by now. I'm not arguing that he is any good, but he did play for us when the Chiefs were ridiculously bad. Even Cassel started 0-5, 1-7, and 4-12 for us (choose whichever you think sounds worst). I just hope people realize Brodie is probably more like a 2-8 quarterback on a normal team or a 3-7 quarterback if he were on a really good team.

Who liked watching Palko though? Of course I wouldn't ever want him playing in a game that mattered, but he was fun(ny) to watch at least.