Friday, December 23, 2011

2011 NBA Predictions

Hey everybody, Dirkness is back!!!

Hot diggity damn, and right in time for Festivus. And the NBA. And fingernails. Ho up, ho up, lets take it back a step to the Ene-Be-A. For the first time in my 26 years of existence, I'm gonna throw some NBA Predictions down, young man. But first, here's what I'm excited for this season...

Dirk's quest for a repeat. The Mavs complete roster overhaul (the same team would have lacked hunger this season). Bill Reiter's NBA columns on Fox Sports. Playing in a Fantasy NBA league for the first time. The Knicks' resurgence. Dwyane Wade's impending season ending injury. A feud between Charles Barkley and Papi from Dan LeBatard's new show (must watch TV people!). Baron Davis back on a contender. The Young Gunz they refer to as the Minnesota Timberwolves. The point in the season when different people wonder aloud why everybody prematurely handed the Western Conference to the OKC Thunder (probably not till playoffs). Kevin Durant's attempt to imitate Dirk's cackle-legged fadeaway. Being forced to support Vince Carter for the first time in my life. The great Clippers nickname debate between Sports Guy (Lob City) and Jason Whitlock (Lob Angeles). Lakers fans continuing to bitch about not getting Kobe Bryant (oblivious to the fact that nobody has sympathy). Steve Nash getting traded to a contender in the middle of the season (I predict Orlando in a last gasp effort to keep Howard). Nick Wright getting cocky, and downright smug, about the Heat's chances come playoff time (followed by the inevitable, 2nd annual, "What's Wrong with Nick Wright"). The Grizzlies realizing that Rudy Gay is part of the problem, not part of the solution. The first "Morris Brother X misses Morris Brother Y" story. The eternal hope that the NBA realizes the benefit of playing a shortened season that they were forced into by this dirty lockout (may I suggest a 51 game season?). And finally, the beauty of the NBA debuting on Christmas Day (smoother transition from NFL to NBA).

2011 NBA Predictions
(Remember: Only 66 games this season. Normal = 82)

Eastern Conference Edition

Atlantic Augury:
1. New Yahk Knicks 40-26 (5th seed)
2. Philadelphia 76ers 36-30 (7th seed)
3. Boston Celtics 34-32 (8th seed)
4. New Jersey Nets 30-36
5. Toronto Raptors 11-55

Central Crystal Gazing:
1. Chicago Bulls 46-20 (2nd seed)
2. Indiana Pacers 41-25 (4th seed)
3. Milwaukee Bucks 30-36
4. Detroit Pistons 27-39
5. Cleveland Cavaliers 15-51

Southeast Surmising:
1. Miami Heat 51-15 (1st seed)
2. Orlando Magic 43-23 (3rd seed)
3. Atlanta Hawks 37-29 (6th seed)
4. Washington Wizards 29-37
5. Charlotte Bobcats 21-45

Western Conference Walla Walla Bing Bang

Northwest Nabbing:
1. Oklahoma City Thunder 48-18 (1st seed)
2. Portland Trailblazers 40-26 (4th seed)
3. Denver Nuggets 32-34
4. Minnesota Timberwolves 31-35
5. Utah Jazz 24-42

Pacific Prognosticating:
1. Los Angeles Clippers 44-22 (2nd seed)
2. Los Angeles Lakers 38-28 (5th seed)
3. Phoenix Suns 28-38
4. Sacramento Kings 21-45
5. Golden State Warriors 16-50

Southwest Suspicions:
1. Dallas Mavericks 43-23 (3rd seed)
2. New Orleans Hornets 35-31 (6th seed)
3. San Antonio Spurs 35-31 (7th seed)
4. Memphis Grizzlies 33-33 (8th seed)
5. Houston Rockets 30-36

NBA Playoffs

First Round:
East - Heat over Celtics, Bulls over 76ers, Hawks over Magic, Knicks over Pacers
West - Thunder over Grizzlies, Clippers over Spurs, Mavs over Hornets, Lakers over Blazers

Conference Semifinals:
East - Heat over Knicks, Bulls over Hawks
West - Lakers over Thunder, Clippers over Mavs

Conference Finals:
East - Bulls over Heat
West - Lakers over Clippers

NBA Finals

Chicago Bulls over Los Angeles Lakers in 5

His Dirkness

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