2010 NBA Draft Live Diary

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First news is that the Chicago Bulls might be trading Kirk Hinrich to the Washington Wizards, freeing up enough cap space enabling them to go after two max-contract players in free agency. Imagine LeBron or D-Wade paired with Carlos Boozer or Chris Bosh. All on top of Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah. Hellooooooooooooo.

On to the draft...

Wizards- John Wall- Can't help but imagine him using his dance in the bedroom.

76ers- Evan Turner- My main assist man, D-Tuck, drops off this dime: he strongly resembles a Sesame Street character.

Kings- DeMarcus Cousins- Only two years away from the unavoidable John Calipari scandal at Kentucky leading to him coaching Cousins along with another Calipari Cronie, Tyreke Evans, in Sacramento.

Warriors- Ekpe Udoh- Taking a dump in his first professional interview is a great start.

Pistons- Greg Monroe- Higher on him now than I was when I made my predictions.

Clippers- Al-Farouq Aminu- Ridiculous looking glasses.

Jazz- Gordon Hayward- As if he wasn't white enough already, now he plays for the Utah Jazz.

Pacers- Paul George- His name says it all.

Hornets- Cole Aldrich- Everything is so great man, I'm so happy, golly gee. Nice looking teeth though. TRADED to Thunder.

Grizzlies- Xavier Henry- Bilas claims he's purely a spot up shooter as they show repeated highlights of him driving to the basket. The only three times he did it all year, but still. Ironically, Xavier ends up in Memphis where he should have spent last year watching Mario Little and the Jayhawks host the National Championship.

Raptors- Ed Davis- Before the Toronto Raptors pick a USA chant breaks out. Is this aimed at Canadians or just a product of US Soccer sweeping the nation?

Rockets- Patrick Patterson- He's a big soccer fan and is cheering for Spain. Also supports the Yankees, Lakers, and oddly enough, Duke.

Bucks- Larry Sanders- I heard his show is pretty damn funny. Reminds me of Theo Ratliff, the dude that was so overpaid that he was mentioned in every trade rumor of the last decade.

Timberwolves- Luke Babbitt- Atleast this year's picks will actually show up and/or communicate with the team unlike Ricky Rubio. Hopefully...

Bulls- Kevin Seraphin- Fran Fraschilla loves the pick. Dirkness love the pick. We have that kind of relationship. Love drafting foreigners post-lottery.

Thunder- Eric Bledsoe- Stu Scott says they gave the Lakers their toughest series of the playoffs. How wasted was he during the Finals? Love the fake cheering from Durant for a player that he knows won't be on their team. TRADED to Clippers.

Celtics- Avery Bradley- How fast he can adjust to the Celtics strategy of taking the entire season off will determine his success. Was the number one rated high school player and the 470th best college player last year.

Spurs- James Anderson- The Spurs thrive with their late first round draft picks by usually taking successful college players. Now that's what I call advanced thinking.

Thunder- Craig Brackins- Big 12 Run continues. TRADED to Hornets.

Blazers- Eliot Williams- Never heard of him. Possible explanation is that they fired their awesome General Manager, Kevin Pritchard, effective after the draft. AFTER the draft. He's making picks for a team that just fired him. The team that he has completely rebuilt. I would've drafted a kindergartner. Or the best player in the Leavenworth Penitentiary League. Actually I might do that if I were trying to win.

Timberwolves- Trevor Booker- How miserable must it be to know that you'll be spending your first few NBA years (supposed to be filled with hoes, blunts, and making it rain) in cold ass Minnesota? OHHHHH TRADED to Wizards. There goes that.

Hawks- Damion James- How many Big 12 players we at now? Answer: Too many. TRADED to Nets.

Grizzlies- Dominique Jones- I would've taken the red thing from the KIA commercials instead. TRADED to Mavericks. Red Guy would've looked great playing next to Dirk.

Thunder- Quincy Poindexter- Love this pick. Kevin Durant all but admitted that his voice is heard on decision making. So it's important that your star player isn't only good, but also smart.

Nets- Jordan Crawford- TRADED to Hawks. The author of the dunk that sent LeBron's camp into an embarrassing cover-up that only led to more publicity, all for a mediocre facial that barely grazed the face of LeBron (HA!). He continues to be more concerned over his self-image than winning.

Grizzlies- General Grievis Vasquez who EXPLODES in excitement! He must be confident that this guaranteed contract will be his one and only. Well, I don't, I like his game.

Magic- Daniel Orton- Again, he averaged 3 points a game last year. Must be represented by Drew Rosenhaus. Dude can't even speak, not really a downgrade in the NBA.

Wizards- Lazar Hayward- Closes out the first round with David Stern thanking the crowd for their "enthusiasm" (booing him every time he popped out from behind the curtains). I really hope the name Lazar catches on.

2nd Round- Adam Silver- Comes out to a huge ovation from the crowd excited to see anybody besides the worst "Best Commissioner in Sports" in the best moment of the night. He is now being greeted with what I believe to be "Sexy Silver" chants when he emerges from the green room.

Along with most of the players, half of the staffs, and all of the Atlanta Hawks, I'll be taking a good majority of the second round off.

Heat- Dexter Pittman- See, I told you he was still alive.

Kings- Hassan Whiteside- Disappointed the fans who wanted them to draft Jeff Van Gundy.

They have two minutes to get their pick in for the second round. There are many things I can do in two minutes, but making decisions heavily affecting my future is not one of them.

Knicks- Andy Rautins- Trying to please the hometown fans at the Draft. This will be their selling point when they miss out on the LeBron sweepstakes.

Knicks- Landry Fields- There goes that enthusiasm...

Pacers- Lance Stephenson- The Vegas favorite in the 'First 2010 NBA Draft Pick to get Arrested' race. Don't let us down Lance!

Heat- Jarvis Varnado- Sports Guy once penned a theory that it's smart to draft anybody that's really good at one thing, rather it be shooting, rebounding, on-ball defending, or in this case, blocking shots. He will be useful in the League.

Suns- Gani Lawal- My boy, D-Tuck's sleeper, going to my boy, D-Tuck's favorite team. Claims he is the next Cedric Ceballos.

Bucks- Tiny Gallon- Somehow, Buckethead got an invite to the Draft. Going to the unhealthiest city in the country probably isn't the best fit.

Celtics- Luke Harangody- Does he have enough crazy to fit in with the Celtics frontcourt? He certainly looks it. And his last name has possibilities to become its own sub-race. Oh, he's a Harangody.

Lithuanian Mudducks- Sherron Collins- I can't believe he didn't get drafted. Seems to be in vogue to hate on him. I think he could be a creator in the league that loves its playmakers. I guess people question his character, but I don't remember one game that he didn't bring it. I hope he finds a home somewhere, and continues banging strippers in the process.

Dirkness

2010 NBA Draft Bang or Bust

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With the lottery just being completed, it got me in the mood to make premature, ridiculous prognostications in the absolute forms of Bang or Bust (No, not Bangbus, sickos). The lottery always gets me excited, but I found few teams to cheer for at the top of this list this year which made it a really easy choice to cheer for the 8-foot mongoloid/former WWF superstar/Russian billionaire playboy/owner of the Nets-Mikhail Prokhorov (pictured). He would make a great villain, but he may have missed his chance by not attacking David Stern or the frail, old lady owner of the Wizards after losing the number 1 pick. Oh well, we'll just have to settle for his blitzkrieg of Yi Jianlian later this year. Anyway, I'll be taking the poor man's approach to ranking the prospects for the 2010 NBA Draft by using somebody else's rankings! That man is Chad Ford of the Evil Empire, ESPN. I'll take his Top 20 prospects and rate them with the Bang or Bust system (Note: Enthusiasm counts. All capitals means extreme BANG or BUST, while lowercase equates more towards mediocrity). Keep in mind that I BANG'd Tyreke Evans last year, and have been BANG'n Kevin Durant since I first laid eyes on him. What? Oh, that's gross...

1. John Wall, PG, Kentucky- BANG! Love his instincts and his endgameability (new word alert). A lesser scoring version of Dwyane Wade. I'm gonna call him 'The Babyfaced Killah' because of his smoothnicity (!) and knack for making plays at the end of games.

2. Evan Turner, SG, Ohio State- BaNG- Love his ability and willingness to get to the rim (the reason I loved Tyreke last year). Don't think he will ever be the best player on a championship team, but could be the do-everything second fiddle. Think poor man's Scottie Pippen.

3. Derrick Favors, PF, Georgia Tech- BUST- Didn't make enough noise to impress me last year. Maybe becomes something down the line. I predict nobody knows his name in 3 years.

4. Wesley Johnson, SF, Syracuse- BanG- Hard to separate him and Evan Turner. I'll take Turner by a nose though. Will be solid and will do everything. I think Wesley has more upside though, could see him blossoming into a stud.

5. DeMarcus Cousins, C, Kentucky- buST- There's a method to his buSTness. I think he will put up good numbers but will eventually evolve into such a headcase that nobody will consider him worthy.

6. Cole Aldrich, C, Kansas- bust- Can't believe he didn't drop more after this past year. Predestined to average 12 points and 8 rebounds and get facialized excessively. A bust if taken this high, but I'd consider bang'n him if he slipped to the teens.

7. Al Farouq-Aminu, SF, Wake Forest- Bust- Name's a bang, game's a bust.

8. Ekpe Udoh, PF, Baylor- BANG- Could develop into a defensive monster if he stays motivated. The tan Cole Aldrich. I think he slides to a decent team which peaks his interest, and he develops into a top 5 player from this draft.

9. Greg Monroe, PF, Georgetown- bang- Two ways to look at him. An unselfish big man with great passing skillz. Or a big man that lacks interior moves and doesn't assert himself. I'll go with somewhere in the middle.

10. Ed Davis, PF, North Carolina- BusT- Looked good alongside the conditioned THansbrough. He suffered from North Carolina cancelling their basketball season this year though.

11. Daniel Orton, C, Kentucky- BUST!- Thriving off of his high school reputation. He averaged 3 points a game last year.
12. Luke Babbitt, SF, Nevada- busT- Never heard of him so i hesitate to assign strong labels.
13. Avery Bradley, SG, Texas- bUsT- See what I did there with the UT? I don't get why anybody thinks this guy is good. I watched ten Texas games and don't remember him doing a thing.
14. Hassan Whiteside, C, Marshall- baNg- He looks fun.
15. Gordon Hayward, SF, Butler- bUst- Can ride the bench, but I think he will struggle with the upgrade in athleticism that comes with the leap.
16. Paul George, SF, Fresno State- BUsT- I dig his two first named approach, but never heard of the guy.
17. James Anderson, SG, Oklahoma State- BuSt- Not gonna be able to score like he did in college, and doesn't do enough else to make up for it.
18. Eric Bledsoe, PG, Kentucky- bANG- Seems like the underappreciated one of the Kentucky Kidz. Will be the second best of the gang.
19. Xavier Henry, SG, Unaffiliated- baNG- His non-caring attitude will go over a lot better in the NBA.
20. Damion James, SF, Texas- BANg- I'd take him Top 10. He will be a key addition to a playoff contender immediately.

Sleepers I like:
Quincy Pondexter, SF, Washington
Stanley Robinson, SF, Connecticut
Jordan Crawford, SG, Xavier
Jarvis Varnado, PF, Mississippi State
Denis Clemente, PG, Kansas State
Wayne Chism, PF, Tennessee
Devin Ebanks, SF, West Virginia

His Dirkness

2010 College Basketball Rankings

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His Dirkness' Top 10 (ANNNNNNNND 1-Cole Aldrich wilhelm scream):

1. Kentucky- Convinced John Wall is the next D-Wade- Will the SEC provide a big enough challenge to get them tournament ready?
2. Syracuse- The best team from the best conference
3. Kansas- Lack of a go-to scorer down low could be their downfall- Sherron Collins could be their savior
4. Villanova- The least talked about of the five best teams separating themselves from the rest of the country
5. Texas- Very unimpressive reign as number 1- Played like a top flight team for exactly 4 minutes against Kansas St.
6. Michigan State- Overinflated due to experience- Typical Spartans team with 5 players averaging double digs
7. Kansas State- Specializes in taking you out of your comfort zone- Beat up Texas and may have country's deepest frontcourt- Can they avoid letdown after big win?
8. Pittsburgh- Best pair of road wins in the country ('Cuse and Conn)
9. Ohio State- Evan Turner (pictured) is the BEST player in the country- Oh, and he BROKE HIS BACK this year- They've only lost two games with him playing
10. Duke- Awesome wins- Just not seeing it
11. Tennessee- Won't be on this list the next time I make it- Enjoy it while you can Skylar McBee