Thursday, October 8, 2015

FanDuel NFL Week 5: Fuck, Marry, Kill

Don't you dare take my FanDuel away from me!

ICYMI, some dude who works for Draft Kings won a boat load of money on FanDuel (you can't play on your own site), and people are freaking out because he may or may not have had inside information on player ownership numbers.

My big question: Say that he has the Draft Kings' ownership info. Does that really apply to FanDuel ownerships more than say, a plugged in DFS writer like this guy, who gives weekly projections on player ownership levels? I mean, the two websites have major differences. DK uses a flex position. Their salaries are quite a bit different. It doesn't seem like the information would be that much more valuable than someone who is well researched.

Regardless, the story has gained steam, and is now being investigated by some guy in New York, who we trust to make decisions for us because he wears a suit to work. Hopefully, no wrongdoing is found, and the DFS landscape stays the same. But if something groundbreaking were to happen, it could go one of two ways:

1. Shadiness is uncovered between FanDuel and Draft Kings, the Twitter pitchforks come out, and DFS encounters the danger of being ostracized out of the U.S. like online poker.

2. Somebody important realizes how silly all of this is and starts a movement to legalize gambling across the board. I'm not really sure why this would happen exactly, I just really, really want it to happen. And we all can trust that our political leaders have our best interests in heart right? Right.

On to the Week 5 FMK's (find an old post for FMK explanations)...

***If you're new to FanDuel, follow this link and click the yellow tab in the top right corner, and put in promo code DIRK to get special savings and make me monies***

Enter The Dirk League for Week 5 on FanDuel


Fuck - Jameis Winston ($6400) - He's gonna have his highs and lows this year. Just remember, the highs help you more than the lows hurt you. Despite his picadilly-six-itis this season, Jameis has accounted for 7 TD's in 4 games with a low point total of 13.74. He's super cheap this week and gets Jacksonville at home. Good spot.

Marry - Tom Brady ($8800) - You see the line on Patriots at Cowboys this week? 10 points! Here's the deal - Vegas is all in on the Patriots. They're having 2007 flashbacks right now. FanDuel isn't quite there yet. Brady still costs loss than Rodgers. He shouldn't. I will have him in multiple lineups every week.

Kill - Andy Dalton ($7300) - Even though The Red Rocket looked better than Rodgers did against the Chiefs, even with the addition of Sean Smith, he's got a tough matchup this week. Here's my list of pass defenses to avoid in 2015: Broncos, Jets, Panthers, Seahawks and maybe the Vikings.

Facebook pokes - Carson Palmer, Eli Manning, Philip Rivers, Blake Bortles

Running Back

Fuck - Anthony Dixon ($4500) - He's the guy to watch here. McCoy is already out and Karlos Williams got a concussion last week so he'll probably sit unless Bill Snyder suddenly becomes their coach. If he's out, I'll probably have Boobie in every lineup I make. It's rare you get to play a FanDuel minimum at a skill position in a good spot like this.

Marry - LeVeon Bell ($9000) - And that should save you enough money to play LeVeon this week, an absolutely fantasy monster, who gets the league's worst run defense in terms of yards per carry (San Diego). Hey, maybe Todd Haley will even consider giving it to him on 3rd and 4th and short with the game on the line this week.

Kill - Devonta Freeman ($7600) - It's a "Is he for real, for real?" game for Freeman this week, who draws the Redskins' 2nd ranked run defense. Six touchdowns in his last two weeks, I might use him once or twice, but I'll mostly be fading him this week.

Facebook pokes - Jamaal Charles, Justin Forsett, Todd Gurley, Dion Lewis

Wide Receiver

Fuck - Kamar Aiken ($5800) - Follow those injuries. Steve Smith is out. TE Crockett Gillmore is questionable. Aiken is their #1 option now, and put up a 5-77-1 with Smith missing about a half last week. Plus he plays the Browns.

Marry - Odell Beckham ($9000) - Fits my WR1 coming off a bad game theory (See: AJ Green here). I thought he might struggle this season. He faced a lot a lot a lot of hype all offseason, as a 22 year old living in New York City. That's a lot to handle. It'd be tough to not to let all of that get to you in one way or another. So far he's only had one big game, but this is a good spot for him. I will probably have a few Eli/Odell stacks.

Kill - Antonio Brown ($8600) - He's a stay away until Big Ben is back in the fold. Don't think twice.

Facebook pokes - Julian Edelman, Keenan Allen, Mike Evans, Larry Fitzgerald, Jeremy Maclin, Allen Robinson, Pierre Garcon

Tight End

Gronk - Owen Daniels ($4900) - Oakland vs. TE's is real and it's spectacular. Yahoo Fantasy points for TE's vs the Raiders this year: 28.9, 23.3, 21.5, 19.8. And you've never heard of two of those tight ends.

Marry - Rob Gronkowski ($8400) - How ya gonna Gronk Owen and marry Gronk? How'd you get the beans above the frank?

Kill - Antonio Gates ($5500) - Going back to my strategy last week: You don't need to be first on a guy. We don't know with Gates. He could've gotten really old this offseason. Will the chemistry with Rivers return immediately? Best to stay away until we know.

Facebook pokes - Tyler Eifert, Delanie Walker, Derek Carrier


Fuck - Josh Lambo ($4500) - Gave him to you last week and he came through with 14 points. He's my immediate plug in at kicker, go back and spend up with any leftover money.

Marry - Stephen Gostkowski ($5000) - Play. All. Patriots. 

Kill - Kyle Brindza ($4500) - This dude missed 5 FG's and 2 XP's in the last two weeks. That's outstanding. But seriously, don't play him, because he got cut this week.


Fuck - Buccaneers ($4000) - The cheapest defense is playable this week at home against Jacksonville. Will be plugging them in more than a few lineups.

Marry - Broncos ($4900) - The NFL record for sacks in a season is 72. The Broncos are on pace for 72. And they have the best pair of CB's in the league. By far. How the fuck does Denver go from having an elite QB straight to having an elite defense? I guess I should be somewhat happy we didn't see 2011 Peyton with this 2015 defense. That may have been the greatest team of all time.

Kill - Roger Goodell. ICYMI last week, this is where my weekly segment of Goodell Got It Right will reside. Cause somebody needs to be on his side right? This week - Thursday Night Football. Oh, I love it. Yes, it's written in the contract for every journalist who covers the NFL that they must complain about the quality of action each and every Thursday night. But you know what lackluster NFL games are a whole lot better than? No NFL games. I wish it were on every night of the week (not really, cause when would I FanDuel?). I'm also told I'm supposed to care about the safety of the players, playing on a short week. Sorry, but I don't. But I do care about some me. Which is why I think Rog and I would get along so well.

Facebook pokes - Giants, Ravens, Chiefs, Bengals, Packers

My #1 FanDuel Lineup

QB - Tom Brady
RB - LeVeon Bell
RB - BOOBIES Dixon (Check on Karlos Williams' health)
WR - Mike Evans
WR - Larry Fitzgerald
WR - Kamar Aiken
TE - Rob Gronkowski
K - Josh Lambo

DEF - Bucs

***If you're new to FanDuel, follow this link and click the yellow tab in the top right corner, and put in promo code DIRK to get special savings and make me monies***

Enter The Dirk League for Week 5 on FanDuel

Just one thing, Dude - do you have to use so many cuss words?

His Dirkness

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