Earlier this week, in my 2012 NFL Predictions, I prognosticated our Kansas City Chiefs to finish this season at 9-7.
Well, just wait till you see how they get there!!! WE'RE GONNA GO THROUGH BUFFALO! AND THEN WE'RE GONNA GO THROUGH NEW ORLEANS! BYAH BYAH BYAH!!!!!
And so forth...
Week 1: Atlanta Falcons - This one's tough. And not only because I personally predicted the Falcons to win the Soup and/er Bowl this year. But, rather, because the Chiefs will be without Tamba Hali (only the most important Chiefs playa), while Brandon Flowers and Derrick Johnson aren't 100% (the next most valuable Chiefs defenders). The Chiefs always have a chance at Arrowhead, but the magic won't be enough this time.
P.S. Cheer for Tony Gonzalez, would ya?
PreDirktion: Atlanta 27, Kansas City 17, 0-1
Week 2: @ Buffalo Bills - I think the Chiefs put their toughness on display right here. The Bills are a popular choice as a surprise team this season, but (hopefully) the Chiefs remember the last time these two met (although I wish I didn't). With a trip to New Orleans looming, this game hovers around must-win status. And I think they're up for it.
PreDirktion: Kansas City 24, Buffalo 20, 1-1
Week 3: @ New Orleans Saints - Nobody expects the Chiefs to win this game. However, the Saints are flooded with turmoil right now. They will be led by an interim to the interim head coach for the first six weeks. They have two very winnable games prior to this game, and a trip to Green Bay awaiting in Week 4. Call me
PreDirktion: Kansas City 28, New Orleans 19, 2-1
Week 4: San Diego Chargers - The Chiefs are sitting pretty, returning home with a 2-1 record, with the NFL world having taken notice of last week's upset. Sound like a classic Chiefs letdown to you? Me too. Heartbreaker of the worst kind.
PreDirktion: San Diego 31, Kansas City 17, 2-2
Week 5: Baltimore Ravens - I hate Baltimore. I'm tired of them. I don't want to look at Joe Flacco's stupid face anymore. The Wire is overrated. The Orioles are gonna blow it. (Ok, one of those is a joke.) This has the feel of a statement game for the Chiefs. It's a game that Baltimore feels they should win, given the playoff debacle of 2010. But I think they're vulnerable this year, and I think the Chiefs help expose that guerilla warfare stylee.
PreDirktion: Kansas City 17, Baltimore 13, 3-2
Week 6: @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers - My surprise team of the NFL coming off of their bye week. While most fans have this game circled as a potential road win, I beg to differ. And not because of a feeble effort from the El Jefes. P.S. The Chiefs are 3-17 in their last 20 trips to Florida.
PreDirktion: Tampa Bay 16, Kansas City 13 OT, 3-3
BYE WEEK ~ Dirkness says relax.
Week 8: Oakland Raiders - I'm straight up embarrassed to type these words, but here goes: The Raiders have beaten the Chiefs at Arrowhead five straight times. Fiiiiiive tiiiiiimes. Guess who the Raiders' QB was the last time the Chiefs won at home (answer). Double ve-te-effe! This might be the game I'd most like to see the Chiefs win this season. It's gone on long enough.
PreDirktion: Kansas City 31, Oakland 10, 4-3
Week 9: @ San Diego Chargers - Some Thursday night action. I feel like the Chiefs never win in San Diego. And I certainly never predict them to win there. This year is no different.
PreDirktion: San Diego 30, Kansas City 16, 4-4
Week 10: @ Pittsburgh Steelers - Sweet Haley's revenge! For both sides really. I'm sure Todd hates K.C. as much as
PreDirktion: Pittsburgh 17, Kansas City 9, 4-5
Week 11: Cincinnati Bengals - First time QB at Arrowhead Stadium alert! That still means something right? The Bengals surprised last season, which means they're headed for disappointment this year according to Pythagoras, Lord of the NFL. Who's ready for a mid-afternoon romp?
PreDirktion: Kansas City 27, Cincinnati 10, 5-5
Week 12: Denver Broncos - I saw some classic Peyton Manning highlights on Sportscenter the other day, and I'm happy to report his balls flutter WAY more now than they used to. 80% of him is still scary though. And he's not afraid of Arrowhead Stadium. This game has the feel of an Elway-like heartbreak that'll feel like the end of the season.
PreDirktion: Denver 24, Kansas City 21, 5-6
Week 13: Carolina Panthas - CAAAAAAAMM. CAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM!! That is all.
PreDirktion: Kansas City 23, Camolina 10, 6-6
Week 14: @ Cleveland Browns - This team looks bad. Trent Richardson has knee-itis. Nobody knows if Brandon Weeden will hit his prime or retire first. And I can't really name another player of note on their team. Easy road win.
PreDirktion: Kansas City 24, Cleveland 13, 7-6
Week 15: @ Oakland Raiders - I will continue my tradition of the past 8 years and pick us to beat the Raiders in both meetings. I really don't see a way around it.
PreDirktion: Kansas City 17, Oakland 14, 8-6
Week 16: Indianapolis Colts - A shitty time to draw the Colts and Andrew Luck, who won't be playing like a rookie QB come December (if at all). With the Chiefs still in the hunt, this is a game that Arrowhead needs to pull out for the team.
PreDirktion: Kansas City 30, Indianapolis 20, 9-6
Week 17: @ Denver Broncos - According to my prognostiDirkifications, this game could might decide the AFC West (which most likely means the bright lights of Sunday Night Football). As much as my hands want to type "W" here, my mind tells me it's a game the Chiefs lose (but still make the playoffs!!!). Reverse jinx confirmed.
PreDirktion: Denver 20, Kansas City 16, 9-7
Goal is to beat my last season's performance of 10-6.
Fuck Roger Goodell,