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Thursday, September 24, 2015

FanDuel NFL Week 3: Fuck, Marry, Kill

The FMK's are back, baby. Last week's article didn't come to fruition because I literally cried my ass off all over my CPU. It was messy, to say the least.

But I'm alright. As Chiefs fans, we've become somewhat accustomed to handling this level of sporture (that's sports torture for you squares). Not to mention, I'm watching the final season of Weeds right now, so you know I have a high tolerance level for this type of stuff.

A quick refresher on the format of this article since we're still in the beginning stages…

***If you're new to FanDuel, follow this link and click the yellow tab in the top right corner, and put in promo code DIRK to get special savings and make me monies***

Enter The Dirk League for Week 3 on FanDuel

Most of you know the game "Fuck, Marry, Kill." If you don't, here's an explanation, via FuckMarryKill.com (along with how I will apply it to FanDuel in parentheses):

~Fuck: This is your hit it and quit it option. It could be great while it lasts but they're better suited for a booty-call than a relationship ... (Low cost sleeper who's matchup dependent - great this week, maybe not so much next week).

~Marry: This one's good for the long term. Bring 'em home to mom, buy a home, raise a family, and spend a lifetime with them ... (High dollar stud who's gonna make it worth your while to break the bank on him this week).

~Kill: This is the one you can't stand the site of. Rid them from your life completely. (Hard pass who you don't want any part of this week).

I've even added a new wrinkle this week - Facebook pokes! - which will simply list some other guys I like at each position. Lets get it...

Quarterback

Fuck - Nick Foles ($6500) - And no, not because he looks just like Vera Farmiga (although that is part of it). The Steelers pass defense is the real temptress here -- an opposing QB's best friend on FanDuel (Kaepernick went for 335-2 last week). Not only is their pass defense awful, their offense might be the best in the league, so points will be scored every week. And garbage points taste just as good as regular points on FanDuel.

Marry - Andrew Luck ($9000) - The NFL is so great. The Seahawks, Colts, Ravens and Eagles all 0-2. Do you realize that was 4 of the top 7 teams favored to win the Super Bowl before the season? I expect Week 3 to bring a sense or urgency to each of these teams. It's put up or shut up time. And I think this Andrew Luck guy is still pretty good. I don't think he just lost it overnight. I expect him to go off against an overmatched Titans defense.

Kill - Tom Brady ($8700) - I know, I know, the low hanging fruit is there - Jacksonville at home. Chalk this one up to a hunch though. Outside of the '07-fuck-yo-momma Patriots, they have a tendency to play these types of games close, keeping their cards close to their hand. They also tend to zig when you think they'll zag. So Brady threw the ball 59 times last week. The Fun n' Gun Patriots! Not so fast, my friends. I'm feeling a 20-14 Pats victory where Brady throws for under 200 and LaGarrette finds a leftover Blount or two in the ashtray.

Facebook pokes - Russell Wilson, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Marcus Mariota, Josh McCown

Running Backs

Fuck - Latavius Murray ($7000) - Welcome to 2014's worst run defense, which is also 2015's worst run defense through 2 games (even though they held a 21-0 lead in one of those games) - The Cleveland Browns!!! (P.S. Roy Helu can't even see the field in Oakland. There should be 25 teams on the phone trying to acquire him, great receiving back.)

Marry - Jamaal Charles ($8700) - Ohhh, the anger on the sidelines. Taking all the blame after the game. Ten days of rest. Monday Night Football. QB coming off a subpar game. Going on the road to a hostile environment. Opposing offense you want to keep off the field. And a Packers defense that allowed 141 yards on the ground to Grandpa Forte. All over Jamaal this week.

Kill - C.J. Anderson ($7300) - The Kubiak scheme is weird. For whatever reason, some RB's just flourish in it. And I like Ronnie Hillman as the guy most likely to join Justin Forsett, Olandis Gary and Reuben Droughns at the 4am craps table.

Facebook pokes - Frank Gore, TJ Yeldon, Ryan Mathews/Darren Sproles (if DeMarco sits)

Wide Receivers

Fuck - Brandon Marshall ($7400) - Dude's got 13-163-2 so far on the season, squaring up against Joe Haden and Vontae Davis, two of the best CB's in the league. Now the Eagles come to town, still playing fast, just not, yanno, scoring fast. Their top CB has been a yuuuuge bust. Eric Decker might not play. Fahgeddaboutit.

Marry - A.J. Green ($8000) - Despite the two WR studs being worth every penny this week (Julio, Antonio), I'm going with AJG in order to share this FanDuel strategy with you - When a team's clear cut #1 WR is coming off a bad game, I believe that team will specifically draw up their gameplan to get him involved early and often. Given the egocentric nature of the position, it's best to keep these guys happy. Last week, you saw it with Allen Robinson. You saw it with ODB. Calvin Johnson saw 17 targets. Greg Olsen had 14. AJG struggled in Week 1. And they responded by getting him the ball early last week (1st quarter TD), just not often. I think he goes off this week, even with a tough matchup against Jimmy Smith, who he got the better of last season.

Kill - Andre Johnson ($6800) - He looks kinda done. It felt like Luck didn't even look his way on MNF. Every once in a while, they'd force a quick throw to him, but it wasn't in the flow of the offense. I'd definitely go with Hilton or Moncrief for your stack with Luck this week.

Facebook pokes - Antonio, Julio, Steve Smith, Jordan Matthews (I still believe!), Amari Cooper, Allen Robinson, Stevie Johnson

Tight Ends

Gronk (the new TE Fuck) - Jared Cook ($5400) - Cheap is tough at TE this week with Jordan Reed playing Thursday and Tyler Eifert's price hike. Should be points in Rams/Steelers and Cook has seen targets so far. I'd spend up though.

Marry - Jimmy Graham ($6300) - I don't think he's a good option all season, but the opportunity to force feed him the ball will be there this week against an atrocious Bears team that got even atrociouser after Cutler's injury. Also, see: AJ Green, above.

Kill - Jason Witten ($6000) - You might think so since Dez Bryant is out, but here's the mid-week update on the Cowboys TE - "Witten has brushed off a sprained knee and two sprained ankles suffered Sunday in order to take part in the initial practice of the week." Yah, no thanks.

Facebook pokes - Gronk, Kelce, Eifert, Olsen, Martellus - all the usual suspects

Kickers

Fuck - Josh Lambo ($4500) - I've had a few people ask me my strategy on kickers. I will typically start a fresh lineup with a few players I'm specifically targeting, then insert the cheapest K/DEF that I like that week. Then I fill out the rest of my roster and if I have any money leftover, I go back to upgrade the K/DEF. And that's how FanDuel babies are made.

Marry - Ummmm, Nick Folk! ($4600)

Kill - Josh Scobee ($4600) - The Steelers are gonna give this 2 point conversion thing a go, God bless them. But that means Scobee won't see those XP freebies, which is enough for me not to ever play him.

Defense

Fuck - Jets ($4500) - I say Darrelle Revis is as dominant a player as JJ Watt, but we just don't see it. While you can watch Watt on every defensive snap, WR's just disappear off your screen onto Revis Island. His impact isn't nearly as tangible to the television viewer. But I believe he made the difference for the Patriots last season. And I believe he makes the Jets the best defense in the NFL this season.

Marry - Panthers ($4600) - Everybody will be on Seattle/New England this week, and justifiably so, but if you want to save a few dollars, the Panthers are hosting a struggling Saints team that may have the worse McCown brother under center.

Kill - Broncos ($4600) - Just fucking die.

My #1 FanDuel Lineup

QB - Andrew Luck
RB - Jamaal Charles
RB - Latavius Murray
WR - Donte Moncrief
WR - Brandon Marshall
WR - Allen Robinson
TE - Greg Olsen
K - Nick Folk
DEF - Patriots

***If you're new to FanDuel, follow this link and click the yellow tab in the top right corner, and put in promo code DIRK to get special savings and make me monies***

Enter The Dirk League for Week 3 on FanDuel


Just one thing, Dude - do you have to use so many cuss words?


His Dirkness

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

FanDuel NFL Week 1: Fuck, Marry, Kill

Welcome to my new weekly FanDuel article. I have no idea if this'll be featured on here, my home website, but here's Week 1, baby...

Now, I wouldn't call myself an expert, but I am a dude who really enjoys daily fantasy, and I did decent enough last season, which was my first year doing so. The Sunday rush of it can be pretty damn incredible. I'm sure people who have played know exactly what I'm talking about. And the beautiful thing is - I can play in multiple leagues, have a chance at thousands of dollars, captivate myself for 11 hours of football on Sunday, and do it all for under $10 if I so desire. Sign me up for THAT. Speaking of which...

***If you're new to FanDuel, follow this link and click the yellow tab in the top right corner, and put in promo code DIRK to get special savings and make me monies***

Enter The Dirk League for Week 1 on FanDuel

A quick synopsis on exactly what I'll be writing every week: Most of you know the game "Fuck, Marry, Kill." If you don't, here's an explanation, via FuckMarryKill.com (along with how I will apply it to FanDuel in parentheses):

~Fuck: This is your hit it and quit it option. It could be great while it lasts but they're better suited for a booty-call than a relationship ... (Low cost sleeper who's matchup dependent - great this week, maybe not so much next week).

~Marry: This one's good for the long term. Bring 'em home to mom, buy a home, raise a family, and spend a lifetime with them ... (High dollar stud who's gonna make it worth your while to break the bank on him this week).

~Kill: This is the one you can't stand the site of. Rid them from your life completely. (Hard pass who you don't want any part of this week).

That's it. Pretty simple. Now here are your Week 1 FMK's:

Quarterback

Fuck - Sam Bradford ($7500) - Because this is daily fantasy, which means you don't have to fuck Sam Bradford all season, you just have to fuck Sam Bradford for one night. FanDuel rule #1 - Identify which games will be the highest scoring of the week and abuse them. This week, both Giants v. Cowboys and Eagles v. Falcons jump out at me. So I will be using a ton of Bradford/Romo/DeMarco/Julio/Dez/Odell/Matthews in my lineups.

Marry - Aaron Rodgers ($9700) - You know, because he's … well, yanno. You know. Oh he's, uhh, he's playing the Bears. He owns the Bears. He spray-painted them for 10 touchdowns last season. He's probably already convinced himself that nobody believes in him with Jordy Nelson out, even though exactly zero people think that. Oh, and he's dating Olivia Munn, just so you know.

Kill - Peyton Manning ($9100) and Andrew Luck ($9200). God that feels good to say. Over the course of this offseason, I've really developed a bitter distaste for the Colts organization -- a hatred as strong as 1,000 Vince Vaughn wives in True Detective. Going from Peyton Manning to Andrew Luck with only one bad season in between is so criminal that I bet I could sue Roger Goodell over it (…it also makes for an amazing parallel with the San Antonio Spurs and Robinsin/Duncan). To recap: Kill the Colts. Kill Peyton Manning. Kill Andrew Luck. And yanno what, fuck em all, too.

Running Back

FuckChris Ivory ($6400) - Say what up to the worst run defense in 2014 -- the Cleveland Browns. After all, Johnny can't play defense, too.

MarryLamar Miller ($7300) - I think there's a good chance the Dolphins beat up a Redskins team in disarray, which will give Miami every opportunity to run the ball. Their backup, Jay Ajayi, is on Fake IR, so Lamar is gonna get them touches, yo. And I bet you didn't know he had the 2nd highest yards per carry amongst all RB's in 2014.

Kill - Justin Forsett ($7800) - This is more of a season-long fade than a Week 1 matchup thing. I think everybody is underestimating how big of a loss Gary Kubiak is for a RB. There's a reason Forsett is 29 and has never been good before. It's because he's probably not very good. Meanwhile, Gary Kubiak is roughly the 4th best RB in football.

Wide Receiver

Fuck - Jordan Matthews ($6800) - Welcome to my favorite Jerry Stackhouse of the week. FanDuel rule #2 - Pairing a QB and a WR from the same team is a smart idea (commonly referred to as a stack). The idea being, if the WR goes off, the QB will also have good numbers, so now you've doubled up.

Marry - Julio Jones ($9000) - He's about to go off. The Eagles will score, forcing the Falcons to throw. Roddy White is banged up. The Eagles secondary is suspect. As much as I want to chill out on Sunday night and watch Odell or Dez light up my lineup, Julio is the smarter play amongst high dollar WR's this week.

Kill - Emmanuel Sanders ($8200) - I'm expecting a low scoring game in Denver. Both the Ravens and Broncos have stout defenses, and have questions that need answering when it comes to their passing games. This one could come back to bite me, so just in case, I might kill Sammy Watkins, too.

Tight End

Fuck - Travis Kelce ($6000) - This one is less about football and more about…well, lets just move on. 

Marry - Greg Olsen ($5900) - The Carolina Panthers might have the worst WR corps I've ever seen after losing Kelvin Benjamin to a torn ACL. Ted Ginn is starting for them. He's a 30 year old, former 9th overall pick who's career high in receiving yards is 790. And I'm shocked it's that high. Their other starter is a 23 year old undrafted free agent. The point being -- Olsen's gonna comb his hair on Sunday.

Hate - Everybody else. Spend a little on TE this week. Kelce, Olsen or Martellus. That's it, that's the list.

Kicker

Fuck - Andrew Franks ($4500) - Pick a team's kicker who will win their game by a lot.

Marry - Matt Bryant ($5000) - Or pick a team's kicker who will be in a shootout.

Hate - How I have no idea if the cheap kickers at the bottom are actually on their team or not. 

Defense

Fuck - Broncos ($4200) - Look, you can pick a team you hate. It's fun to have complex emotions on a Sunday. You don't need everything to be so black and white. Go ahead and give yourself that silver lining. It worked for Bradley Cooper, didn't it?

Marry - Dolphins ($4700) - Did you know Kirk Cousins has thrown 15 picks in his 9 NFL starts? That's a lot of tater tots. He's also 2-7 with wins over the Browns and Titans in those 9 games. Suh might just Ndecapitate him on Sunday.

Kill - Bengals - My Week 1 upset: Raiders over Bengals. 

My #1 FanDuel Lineup

QB - Sam Bradford
RB - Jeremy Hill
RB - Lamar Miller
WR - Julio Jones
WR - Jordan Matthews
WR - John Brown
TE - Greg Olsen
K - Chandler Catanzaro
DEF - Broncos

***Remember, use Promo Code DIRK when you're signing up for a new FanDuel account. Just click the yellow tab in the top right corner of this page***

Dirk's Week 1 FanDuel League

Just one thing, Dude - do you have to use so many cuss words?

His Dirkness